Day 99.

42 days. Haven't lost any weight.

Great job Hoose. Keep it up.

The weight thing can come later. Plenty of health benefits to quitting even if you don't lose a single pound.

You've got this! We're all cheering for you and praying

I'm optimistic, just hasn't been the best of experiences even getting to the bad news. Woke up from the colonoscopy, Dr. basically told me I probably had cancer in a propofol-induced haze and rushed off, he was supposed to call me with biopsy information to confirm but had a medical emergency and had to leave the practice and no one from his office picked up my case for a month, had an appointment with the surgeon the next week but because they closed schools the day after MLK day because of cold weather they pushed my appointment a week, so that got pushed back a week and I sat around waiting for information assuming the biopsy hadn't been completed yet. Finally made it to the surgeon ~3 weeks post colonoscopy and he told me it was cancer. Was told it was less severe/should be straightforward last week, and now I find out today that's not the case.

Been a bummer.

I hate that for you.

I'm praying for you, and please keep us posted as you feel comfortable updating.

50 days!

60 days! I think i might allow myself a drink after Feb.

Definitely want to keep it to one or two days a week and in control.

Almost 20 pounds lost.

Good job!

Be careful of the creep when you do reintroduce it. It has a nasty habit of sticking around longer than it is invited.

I tried to do the same a few times, and it always came back the same or worse. I've enjoyed life much better by completely abstaining.

I won the bet with my coworker but will finish out the month sober. I figured he would not be able to stay sober during our sales meeting and I was right.

Honestly the longer you don't drink the more your like being sober. I will probably have a drink this weekend but I thoroughly enjoy not waking up with a hangover. Since it has been so long since I have had a drink it probably will not take much for me to get there.

Day 116. Started chemo Tuesday. Pump detachment today. No side effects yet, hopefully it stays that way.

3 months in. I miss it when I'm hanging around with friends. I've come to realize I have horrible coping skills. Alcohol always managed that for me. The biggest reason for not drinking now is I'm a streaky person (I'm on a helluva streak right now) and quite frankly, my last battle with the DTs scared me. I don't want to have to drink to feel normal. If I had any faith in myself to not return to where I was, I'd have a drink right now. I have 0 confidence in myself right now.

Day 150 without alcohol. Halfway through the planned chemo (FOLFIRINOX) treatments as of last week. Side effects have been minimal, bleeding that sent me to the doctor in the first place has stopped. No nausea, supposed to be experiencing cold sensitivity/numbness in extremities and that has been very minor. Hair started falling out a little, but I just shaved it all off so I didn't have to deal with it, don't think it would have fallen out to the point anyone could notice by looking at it.

My biggest concern right now is actually the lack of side effects. This is supposed to be a fairly aggressive chemo treatment and it doesn't really feel like it and I'm slightly concerned the lack of symptoms might indicate lack of efficacy, but I haven't discussed that with my doctor yet as they were progressively increasing dosage up until this last treatment. I'll ask at the next treatment, but I imagine the response is just going to be we'll have to wait to find out. 5 more weeks (3 sessions) of treatment before I schedule scans.

And thank you for asking.

I'm not sure why but I felt compelled to respond to this post.

I'd argue that, since you're still going, you have much stronger coping skills than you know. In my experience, using alcohol does not help, or manage, coping but delays that coping until some point in the future and when you have to cope with whatever it is, it could be exponentially worse. I don't know you but this sounds very challenging for you and I am damn proud of you for keeping on.

just to share some of my experience here, I am just over 450 days in to an alcohol free lifestyle and the hardest part about not drinking for me, and I imagine this is very hard for you, has been actually feeling things, experiencing emotion, and [trying to] process those emotions and feelings. It's ****ing hard but it reminds me that I am alive. For similar reasons I have quit taking antidepressants. I came to my own conclusion that taking them is not too dissimilar from using alcohol. I need to feel the sadness, pain, and positive feelings to learn from and move forward.

Anyway, some very cheesy things I tell myself when times get tough are

This too shall pass
The only way out is through
A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor

Take it one day at a time, you're doing ****ing great!

Day 202. Chemo done. Scans done. Tumor gone (can't be seen on scans). Surgeon/Oncologist/radiation oncologist next week to see if I need more treatment/surgery.

6 months in. Really would like a drink but honestly the detox scared me. I really dont want to go through that again. I dont know if I have the ability to control myself anymore so I dont trust myself to have a good weekend.

Also im a half a year in. I set a goal for a year. Halfway there, what is another half? The one talent I know God blessed me with is crazy will power. If all it takes is will power then I can do almost anything. So why not a year.

And if that is all I got to keep sober... for now it will work.