As in, "Son, if you don't behave I'm gonna tear you a new one."

I was raised in the country and I always took it to mean to tear off a new switch. A fresh green peach tree switch always hurt more than just a regular swat on the behind. My wife has a radically different definition for the term which I will share later.

So, who has heard/used the term and what do you think it means?

Lol

Pretty simple really. Tear you a new *******

I can see where you got your version. Although when I think of a fresh switch I think of it having to be cut rather than broken due to the painful tenderness.

My interpretation of that phrase has centered closer to your wifes interpretation I believe.

I always heard it as "tear you a new ass hole"

Max. FTW.

I had to go cut my own switch off a peach tree once. I picked a slim one thinking smaller = better.

...then my 90 year old great grandmother proceeded to beat the s*** out of me with it.

I've always thought like your wife on it.

Somehow Sean98 I have no trouble believing that story.

Same as Max. Roughly translated:

"Son, you have really and royally screwed the pooch. I can't shield you from your mom on this one, may God have mercy on your soul"

Then mom would come in and proceed to whip the crap out of me for whatever it was that I had done.

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I had to go cut my own switch off a peach tree once. I picked a slim one thinking smaller = better.

...then my 90 year old great grandmother proceeded to beat the s*** out of me with it.

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My grandfather made me do this all of the time. He'd reach into his pocket, pull out his knife, hand it to me and point to a tree.

90 year old grandmothers can beat the snot out of you with whatever is in reach, it doesn't really matter what it is.

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I picked a slim one thinking smaller = better.

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Then a woman showed him that size does matter?

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90 year old grandmothers can beat the snot out of you with whatever is in reach, it doesn't really matter what it is.

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Agreed. When I was about 8 I did something stupid and my 65 year old grandma beat the tar out me with a rolled up magazine. And she's a tiny little thing

Edit: I've always takin it to mean that you get whooped so hard that it feels like youre gettin a new *******

[This message has been edited by Captain quagmire (edited 3/21/2012 3:16p).]

I guess the follow up question is how is the arsehole torn?

Are you whipped so hard on the butt so hard that a new one is torn figuratively?

Or are you raped so violently that one is torn literally.

Wife thought the later. I was stunned. She was pissed that I used the phrase.

Hence my question. Thanks. Carry on.

I've never really weighed the literal meaning of 'tearing someone a new ass hole'. I knew the meaning to be 'beat the tar out of you' and left it at that.

i once locked my 70 year-old-mean'r-hell-cussing-75-lb-wife-of-an-oil-rigman-from-the-rough-part-of-Odessa grandmother out of her house and stood at the door and laughed when i was about 6 or so.

i remember a lot of beatings in my life but that one scarred me. it was the first time i remember a beating not involving just my rear. i don't know what "tearing a new one" means according to Mr. Webster, but that defines it for me

probably my fondest memory of her too.


[This message has been edited by c-jags (edited 3/21/2012 3:17p).]

[This message has been edited by c-jags (edited 3/21/2012 3:54p).]

Wait, I'm confused... So when you were 6 you were working rigs and married to a meanr-than-hell 70 year old?

New ass hole.

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Wait, I'm confused... So when you were 6 you were working rigs and married to a meanr-than-hell 70 year old?

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edited to fix that it was my grandmother who was 70 years old, had been married to a mean oil rigger grandfather of mine, and indeed meanr-than-hell.


but it was west texas so I understand the confusion.

The key was picking the right size switch. Get one too big and you might have broken bones. Pick one too small and they'd send you right back out there to try again.

Well, if you get literal- wtf does 'chewing' on someone's ass do for you when you are mad at them?

It's kinda like the last scene of Justified last night. Some things are better left unseen, or undefined.

Aggiedent, I disagree. I picked that little switch and she beat the hell out of me with it. I bled for a week.

Switch rule: If it breaks during the beating, you get to pick another.

Of course, you could go medieval and use the rule of thumb: back then you could beat your wife/kids with a stick the thickness of your thumb or less.

I once put one of those flexible children's books in the back of my pants for a swat as a kid, and it worked! Butt armor.

[This message has been edited by MouthBQ98 (edited 3/21/2012 6:20p).]

Urban Dictionary has the "new a-hole" definition: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tear+you+a+new+one

I thought that i was going to outsmart my grandmother one day and pick the large branch (i had gone with the small whip like branch the time before and learned my lesson) in hopes that the weight would slow her old arm down. I forgot that she used to be a ball player for the All-American Girls Baseball League. Needless to say i learned my manners real quick after that.

This is the first time that I have ever heard "tear you a new one" associated with butt rape.

I have always associated it with a beating.

Not much different than "I'm going to rip off your head and poop down your neck"

My brother got in trouble one time with my mom and she told him to pick out the belt for his spanking.

He walks back into the room with this:




My mom tells the story now of how she had to keep from busting out laughing. He got his spanking but with a plastic spoon with the slots in the middle. Less air resistance!

What I get from this thread:

"Don't mess with grandma."

Tear you a new a-hole. And my grandma did once with a limb fresh off the fig tree. I'll never forget it.

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Son, you have really and royally screwed the pooch.

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Wonder how this phrase came about?