We had family friends who had a child with a serious medical condition. The father was self-employed, so the insurance deductible was huge and coverage was limited. He thought about doing a fundraiser but did not want people talking about him behind his back if they thought he was spending more than he should on a vehicle, vacation, etc . . . so he did not do the fundraiser and instead worked his butt off to pay the medical bills.

It's obvious some of you have never worked the Salvation Army toy line during Christmas.

This stuff has been going on for decades.

But I'll counter -- if you run a small business did you take a PPP loan (and ask forgiveness for it)?

Did your business really *need* it?

That's the thing with handouts -- people are going to take them if they are there.

I've worked it, too, and never did I see someone picking up for others... except when the poor despondent baby mama finishes the paper work with her little baby, only to call on her iPhone... the baby daddy in the sweet ride to pick them up.

There is a segment of our population who works for cash and thus qualified for free stuff. There is another segment that has realized by bit getting married, the daddy income isn't seen by charities and thus gets free stuff.

There is a circuit these people frequent. We did a free Christmas gift charity. One young couple had a baby. The daddy seemed uncomfortable as the mom said, "we're in a bit of a hurry. We have another one of these in 30 mins and it is across town."

Pizza said:

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fc2112 said:

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I can remember pretty lean times as a kid when my dad was out of work. But accepting public assistance? My parents preferred we go hungry, which we did at times. No way they were accepting a hand out. We'd eat beans every meal before that happened.

I went to a meeting yesterday morning at my church. The cars were lined up for our food bank. It appeared every single car in line was newer than mine. A $60,000 new truck was at the front.

When I commented to one of the guys at the meeting, he said "maybe they've just fallen in hard times recently". I'd sell the nice truck before I lined up for a food bank.

But I'm guessing COVID just got people used to free stuff. And now they line up for free stuff whenever it's offered because - why not?

There is no shame in it anymore, and so many now just take because they can. These people should be embarrassed but aren't.

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I've worked traffic flow for a church food bank before, and some of the people in nice cars are picking up for others who can't go.

That is definitely not always the case, but it does explain some of what's going on.

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That's just what they told you. These people abuse every system they can.

We never accepted hand outs when I was a kid. I've worked for everything I have. We went without; lived in a tent for a year, and were homeless for a year (lived in my dad's office at a warehouse). I remember going hungry. I remember in seventh grade finding a Diet Coke that someone had left and drinking it - first time to have a soda.

I've always had a side hustle. Currently saving up for a food trailer and working on recipes.

People are so damn lazy these days.

YokelRidesAgain said:

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BigRobSA said:

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Sooper Jeenyus said:

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It isn't limited to charity.

We need to bring "shame" back to society in general.

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And actual bullying.

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Give me your lunch money, ese.

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I was 5'3" in 6th grade with size 12 feet, 5'11" in 8th grade, 6'1" as a freshman and came to 10th grade at 6'7". I never got bullied. Nor did I bully. I hate bullies, but they're a cog in the machine.

Aston04 said:

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I'm in education. Never once have my begged my friends for teaching supplies. I find it pathetic.

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Okay yeah, exactly when did this idea get going? I know a couple… husband has a good paying job, wife is a school teacher, no kids. Each school year she solicits donations from family and friends to fund the decorations and supplies for her room. When did this become a thing? Why did this become a thing?

Sooper Jeenyus said:

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It isn't limited to charity.

We need to bring "shame" back to society in general.

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Why?

Yep. At least 15 years ago, people were driving Cadillac SUVs to my Salvation Army location. Guess we were helping them make payments on those vehicles they didn't need.

chickencoupe16 said:

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My sister-in-law recently celebrated a birthday by posting her Venmo all over her social media and asking people to "treat me". It's not as bad as the 60k brodozer at the food bank but another data point of shamelessness.

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What is it with chicks and birthdays....?

AggieVictor10 said:

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Sooper Jeenyus said:

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It isn't limited to charity.

We need to bring "shame" back to society in general.

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Why?

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50% of the people in this country pay for 100% of the tab. Imagine what our economy would look like if there were no entitlements and every able bodied person produced and took care of themselves and immediate family

wrong thread.

TheCurl84 said:

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Aston04 said:

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I'm in education. Never once have my begged my friends for teaching supplies. I find it pathetic.

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Okay yeah, exactly when did this idea get going? I know a couple… husband has a good paying job, wife is a school teacher, no kids. Each school year she solicits donations from family and friends to fund the decorations and supplies for her room. When did this become a thing? Why did this become a thing?

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Because the same ****ty parents that will stay unmarried to maximize welfare and show up at the food bank in a pimped out ride ignore the supplies list sent home by the teacher. They send the kid to school empty handed and expect the school to provide which the school won't do so the teacher ends up having to supply half the class.

Edit: removed by user.

That our poor are taken care of makes me proud to be an American.
Not sure why we want our poor to look like the 3rd world poor.
hard

People driving Escalades aren't really poor.

WIC
Food stamps/Lone Star card
Private charities
Churches

Some folks are double and triple dipping. That's not a good thing.

If you are upside down on your car loan you can't sell it unless you can pay the difference. They probably aren't paying the loan anyway and just driving it until it gets repossessed.

I'm going to tack "something bad happened to our family, please donate to our GoFundMe" onto this. If you are broke and need the money to deal with it, I get it. But there's a lot that plays on emotions to collect money that is not needed. What happened to "in lieu of flowers, X loved Y charity/cause" and if people want to do something to honor them, then directing them to where they can donate directly to an existing charity/cause

I mean, anybody anytime can make money if they really want to.

I've been picking up extra appliances, etc., and taking it to the scrapyard for extra money. Some weeks, I make almost as much money working part-time as I do my full-time job. Of course, it helps that people wanna get rid of things that are worth a lot of money. Someone gave me a skid steer bucket because they didn't want it anymore; someone else gave me a convection oven.

Most people are lazy and just want a hand out. I'll be damned if I'm gonna get a handout. Daddy didn't raise me that way.

torrid said:

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fc2112 said:

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But accepting public assistance? My parents preferred we go hungry, which we did at times. No way they were accepting a hand out.

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I simply cannot wrap my head around this.

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here's an example….

Family member who has worked in public schools for many years says the same thing: Back in the day, handouts were usually teacher driven, when they noticed a child without lunch or proper supplies. The school would approach the parent and quietly provide assistance.

Today, the families come in on the first day and demand support. They will lie to get their kid in free pre-K, lie to get them free lunch; and lie to take advantage of free backpacks, supplies, school T-shirts, etc.

DallasAg 94 said:

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We did a free Christmas gift charity. One young couple had a baby. The daddy seemed uncomfortable as the mom said, "we're in a bit of a hurry. We have another one of these in 30 mins and it is across town."

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Back in the '90s, our department at work would always adopt a family at Christmas. We got the names from a local charity.

One year, the family's list included things like expensive cologne, a leather jacket, etc., etc. Although we were a bit surprised, we all donated and purchased the items we could.

When the team went to drop off the gifts, they already had a tree and other presents. They lived in a nice townhome with good furniture, etc.

We were all like "What just happened?"

The system is rigged and everybody is taking "theirs" and if you're not, you're a sucker.

What kind of food is OP's church handing out? Maybe they should restrict the donations to beans and powdered milk?

Also if there is free stuff available or a coupon, I don't care how wealthy you are, it's prudent to take advantage of it. If you only want the "needy" to take advantage, then place controls.

Ellis Wyatt said:

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People driving Escalades aren't really poor.

WIC
Food stamps/Lone Star card
Private charities
Churches

Some folks are double and triple dipping. That's not a good thing.

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WGAS if they have an Escalade? An old, beat up but still functioning pickup is better 90% of the time.

Businesses takes handouts at every chance they can, people see it and say why not me.

torrid said:

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fc2112 said:

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But accepting public assistance? My parents preferred we go hungry, which we did at times. No way they were accepting a hand out.

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I simply cannot wrap my head around this.

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Yeah that seems a bit obtuse and unnecessarily stubborn . Personally I'd do what I could to prevent my kids going hungry up to and including stealing food and taking handouts. I mean, jeebus.

My dad was a single parent to my brother and I. We fell on pretty hard times in 1976, then moved in with my grandmother. Dad had lost his job working for Houston Lighting and Power. Lot's of beans, rice, baloney sandwiches, cabbage, and corn flakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. We never felt poor or went without a meal. My dad would never take charity though. He wouldn't even sign us up for the reduced price lunches offered by the school. He always felt that there were other people worse off that really needed it.

It encourages acceptable social behavior and disincentivizes sociopathic or selfish behavior. People need to experience consequences for behaviors that cause harm or needless risk, even for themselves, because if places burdens on others to save them from themselves. There's nothing wrong with people being shamed for intentionally doing antisocial or selfish and harmful things.

The problem with the guy in the $60k truck? Assuming he has fallen on hard times (and isn't working the system, which some do), selling the truck isn't likely to help. He's probably upside down on it. Probably owes more than he can sell it for.

Just don't take it to the extreme either way. Accepting charity is not a bad thing. Sometimes life throws people curve balls that others never receive (severe medical issues, natural disaster, lost jobs, etc).

Parents that let their pride get in the way of providing a meal for their kids need to take a look inside.

What do you think your church donations go towards?

Proposition Joe said:

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But I'll counter -- if you run a small business did you take a PPP loan (and ask forgiveness for it)?

Did your business really *need* it?

That's the thing with handouts -- people are going to take them if they are there.

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Exactly! Let's not limit the examination of a lack of shame to the Cadillacs in the food line!

Dan Scott said:

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The system is rigged and everybody is taking "theirs" and if you're not, you're a sucker.

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If only there were some kind of way to make judgements about behavior against unchanging standards instead of the current moment.

Because with such a system, you could interpret such problematic behavior as "wrong" even if everyone around you was also doing it.