T dizl televizl said:
Not sure anyone gives a **** about my opinion but figured I could at least share my story
I was married in a Methodist church to a girl I thought I would remain married to forever. She ended up running around on me less than 2.5 years in. I tried to forgive her with help of a pastor and she continued sleeping with this man who was married (and who's wife was pregnant by the way)
We ended up getting divorced.
Years later I'm getting married again to a woman who was raised catholic. I look into the annulment process so that we could potentially get married in the Catholic Church (big deal for her family) and was immediately like nope not for me.
The way I understand is they try to find some reason that you or your wife didn't enter the marital bonds with good intentions or to follow how the church defines marriage. They also reach out to your ex I believe to interview them.
For me I would love to pretend like I never married my first wife, but I wasn't going to play a game of pretend. Idk maybe she never intended to be married to me long term, but I sure thought she did when we got married and said our vows and all the hardships I went through trying to make things work.
When I got divorced the religious shame side of it was really hard on me. And I'm not trying to say people should get divorced just Willy nilly, but in hindsight if I could've let go of that part of it sooner. My journey would've been a lot healthier.
So I guess TLDR I'm not a big supporter of annulment and if you are getting divorced you aren't alone (by a huge magnitude) and try to be easy on yourself because there's a lot worse stuff going on in the world for god to worry about than if two adults aren't compatible.
Thanks for sharing. Not too long at all.
So, I would think your experience is not uncommon at all. A previously married protestant, who does not believe in the annulment concept. And frankly, I don't blame them. It really does seem like the height of absurdity, especially when a couple was married for decades.
I know of an annulment that was granted following a 36 year marriage.
I know a person who was catholic, got divorced, got annulment, and then left the church because the annulment process was so traumatic, and in this person's eyes, a ridiculous, intrusive, painful waste of time. By the end of it, this person had had it. And I can see why.
But I think to better understand it, remember what we're focusing on. Divorce is a problem, but not THE problem. It's remarriage of one or both of the parties.
I think as a non-Catholic, one has to realize where it's coming from. And quite frankly, when you do that, you realize it's it's pretty clear and logical, and in my opinion, a good faith effort on the part of the church to reconcile the strict view of scripture, while dealing with the reality that divorces and remarriages happen
So what are they looking at? Well, the gospels. And for all those who accuse the Catholic Church of not following the Bible, this is about as "bull's-eye" clear as it gets.
Mark 10
Luke 16
Matt 5 & 19 (with exceptions)
Are you into sola scriptura? Well there it is.
The Catholic Church, and for centuries, most Christian denominations, pretty much treated this as non-negotiable
But there's the reality, and there's also God's promise of forgiveness
So how do you reconcile this? Well, tue Church views marriage as forever. Unbreakable. So when reality hits, in the annulment process, the Catholic Church sets out to see if the original marriage was valid. And if not, well, there's annulment. And in seeking this, the key word is "valid". It's not "non-existent" or "never-happened". It doesn't mean children born of that marriage are illegitimate. It basically means, in the manner, Context, and intent it occurred, was it a valid sacramental marriage as recognized by the Catholic Church? And remember this, a marriage outside the Catholic Church can still be a Sacramental marriage. How? Well, it depends
And that is the way the church decided to handle it.
Me personally? When it comes to re-marriage, either God forgives, or he doesn't. Everybody stands before God, and we will find out then.
For whatever reason, my life has crossed paths with I would say a disproportionate number of Catholics, who have divorced and wanted remarriage. Many, many situations, and contexts. Some got annulments, some didn't, some left the church
In my opinion, the church has come up way short when it comes to how to deal with this, and short of the pastoral approach that I would like to see
I do not disagree with The Banned at all. He's right
Yet I still would like to see a change in the way the church deals with this. Because now you have sadness, isolation, and a feeling of ostracization. People try to come to Christ through the church. And the church brings people to Christ. But in the context of remarriage, instead of doing that, they push them away from and deny them the very essence of the mass itself, the body and blood of Christ.
Just my opinion, and I don't have the answer as to how that would look. I just wish the church would come up with a better pastoral approach
(Hey look, Pablo Serna and I have something in common)