In August I received a phone call from the emergency vet that my dog had died. The neighbor had lost her job and we were letting her watch our dogs while we traveled for an extended weekend. We did this so she'd have a little income.

I receive the call at 3pm, the day I was supposed to head back, from the emegency vet in Houston that our dog had died but our neighbor didn't contact me until 10pm that night to let me know what happened.

My wife and I never got a straight answer about what exactly happened. When the neighbor did give us the story, always piecemeal, the details were different each time. We took lil' Sarge to A&M to have a necropsy. They told us he had died from pneumonia.

Today I was going through my phone and found some old videos and pics of Sarge. A sudden rage came over me. I feel like I'd like to blow her dogs away or poison them, but I know they're innocent animals. I just can't get over this bitterness toward our neighbor hat wells up inside me from time to time.

The wife and I are having a kid in May, and I wonder if I'll be able to trust anyone to take care of him. I hope my neighbor hasn't made me too untrustworthy and cynical. Am I wrong to feel this anger, bitterness and cynicism almost a year later?

AstroAg17 said:

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There were likely symptoms that should have drawn concern before it reached that point. Failing to notice those symptoms or understand their potential significance is a form of negligence in my eyes. You don't agree?

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Not without knowing more. Dogs can get sick and die very quickly.

AstroAg17 said:

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There were likely symptoms that should have drawn concern before it reached that point. Failing to notice those symptoms or understand their potential significance is a form of negligence in my eyes. You don't agree?

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While I can certainly fault them for how they handled the communication, I honestly don't see much negligence here. If you're not familiar with the dog, how would you know? You may see "sick" dog behavior and assume that what you're seeing is "sad" dog behavior from a pet that misses its owner.

For example, my parents dog has drastically different behavior when my mother isn't around. Rather than be a normal, happy-go-lucky dog he simply mopes around all day and barely eats. If my neighbors were to watch him, they'd probably assume that he was sad my mom is gone rather than sick, particularly because they would have been forewarned of this sort of behavior.

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I don't really know anything about canine pneumonia but if it's anything like human pneumonia then there were probably symptoms before the OP left for the weekend. So he may be at least partially to blame as well.

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Agreed. Though he probably won't like to hear it.

My pup died after staying at my ex boyfriends house and getting into rat poison that he swore the lake house didn't have. It was a mistake plain, meant no harm. It took me a really long time to get over that. He felt awful, I felt awful, all was awful.

Anger is a normal part of grieving. Don't concentrate on it. They probably feel terrible. I'm sure you have your pup a wonderful and happy life. Concentrate on forgiveness and giving the next pup an even happier life.

TheFirebird said:

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You mentioned that this anger came up after seeing pictures of your dog. You don't say that this is something you obsessively dwell on. Regardless of anything else, you had a strong attachment to your dog and are still grieving and angry that he died. You also probably are angry at yourself because you weren't around when it happened. You had a brief revenge fantasy that you didn't act on, directed at a target available to you-- rational or not. That's not evil or a failure, it's "being human." I think you're OK, but you can do something to help move on.

Have you considered asking your neighbor in a different way. Something like:

"Losing Lil' Sarge was extremely painful, and it still bothers me that I wasn't there when it happened. I'm sure you were also extremely upset that it happened while you were helping care for him. I know rationally that you could not have done anything to stop it. It would really help me put this behind us if you could tell me a little bit more about what you can remember so I can stop blaming myself for not being there."

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Very well said.

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Have you considered asking your neighbor in a different way. Something like:

"Losing Lil' Sarge was extremely painful, and it still bothers me that I wasn't there when it happened. I'm sure you were also extremely upset that it happened while you were helping care for him. I know rationally that you could not have done anything to stop it. It would really help me put this behind us if you could tell me a little bit more about what you can remember so I can stop blaming myself for not being there."

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I think this is good, but it really depends on if the neighbor is aware of what actually killed the dog. If they have no idea that the dog had pneumonia, then their answer will still probably appear scattered, especially a year later.

How old was your dog (or did I miss that detail?).

I've heard of several cases where a sick dog dies when their owner is gone. My in law's collie died when my wife was dog sitting.

Sorry to hear about your dog but it is possible she had very little to do with it, and may have been so stressed she didn't communicate well. Some people don't handle those situations well.

I am truly sorry for the loss of your pet.

As for your feelings, I would say some old wisdom might help:

Resentment is like a poison we carry around inside us with the hope that when we get the chance we can deposit it where it will harm another who has injured us.

Weird dp

I would be super mad.

Doc Daneeka said:

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I would be super mad.

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Why? It was predestined.