What did I miss? I hope he is ok.

I'm one of the posters who was replying to that thread when I saw it late last night and I was very concerned for him so I asked staff if they could contact him and see if he was ok. They informed me this morning that he is indeed safe and ok so I'm very glad nothing bad happened.

That said, I pray he realizes he has been given a second chance and if a bunch of Texags posters that don't even personally know him care about him, then how much do his friends and family care about him? I would imagine a million times more! Life is precious and we shouldn't want to throw it away. I hope he also knows many of us on Texags are always there for him and that God is ALWAYS there for him.

That is good to hear that he is ok.

It was confusing reading his post. Part of it seemed like he was just trying to make a point. Part of it seemed like he was under the influence of something.

Yes. He is okay. We appreciate any flagging to alert Mods to something along these line.

I'm not exactly sure how to start this, but here goes. This isn't the first time I've dealt with depression, and this isn't the first time I've been thoroughly ashamed of my actions. I'm not very good at talking to people around me about what's going on, for a number of reasons. These aren't excuses to not do it; I just wanted to get them out there.

The first thing, is that people want to fix broken things. Cars, computers, plumbing, even other people. When you tell someone what's wrong with you, especially someone in your family, their first instinct is to try to fix it. It's been my experience that family members have expressed extreme frustration that they just don't know how to fix it, and that bothers them. Here's the thing. You CAN'T fix it. There is nothing you can do to make this go away right now. Even years of therapy and extreme medical interventions will sometimes FAIL TO FIX IT. So what do you think you're going to be able to do??? And so, I avoid. I avoid talking about this because I've got my own issues and don't need to be forced to deal with someone else's frustration on top of what's going on.

The second thing. A lot of people just can't handle it. They can't handle it when you tell them something is wrong. Sometimes they are unable to connect with you when you tell them. Other times, it would seem that the act of informing them about your own suffering makes them suffer even more than you are. And so again, I'm forced to have to deal with someone else's issues on top of my own.


Let's not forget how many people will forever see you. If you tell these people of your innermost weaknesses, that's how they'll start seeing you: weak. They'll end up treating you with kid gloves, or just dissociating from you altogether. The scary part is that I've noticed that I unconsciously feel weak around these people afterwards, even if it's been some time since we talked about things.


Let's not forget the lack of understanding. What you get is a facsimilie of empathy and an almost arrogant assumption that your experiences aren't valid. You've seen it. The tropes. The cliches. "Think positively!" "Try harder!" "It gets better" "Suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem"


The real kicker for me is the shame. You can be depressed, or anxious, or struggling with something, and that's one element of the problem. On top of that, I also feel ashamed. Ashamed of being weak. Ashamed of being the way I am. Ashamed of not being good enough. Ashamed of not living up to my potential. Ashamed that other people seem to find a way to never go through anything remotely like this, but that I'm such a piece of **** that I can't even see how that's possible.



It occurred to me that I really haven't given this meaning thing a fair shake. Hell, maybe not even a tenth of a fair shake. I can always choose to end it. That's always an option on the table. If I really feel the need to choose that option, I always can. But, if I'm going to do a full and proper analysis of my options, I owe it to myself to put some real effort into the pursuit of a sense of meaning. I don't mean happiness. This life has taught me happiness comes and goes so often on a whim. If I try to rely on that to sustain me, well, I won't be sustained at all when the going gets rough. What I mean is to pursue a sense of meaning that makes this pain worth it. I already have a good idea on where to start. My biggest problem in the past was that I had all the knowledge. I don't mean that in an arrogant way. I know precisely where my weaknesses are, and I know exactly the most efficient methods to turn them into strengths. I've simply failed to implement the methods, in no small part due to the nature of the problems. Doing is simple, but doing is hard. Here's to giving doing a shot. I'll report back in a week. Thanks.