"Taylor, I thought you were dead."
"Naw, I couldn't cut it in the Mexican League."
"How's your wife and my kids?"



"There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese."

ED: I'm not gonna live this way, Hi. It just ain't family life!

HI: Well... It ain't Ozzie and Harriet.

quote:

---

Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the *****, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

---

quote:

---

Skip: You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!
Larry: Lollygaggers!
Skip: Lollygaggers.

---

'Bull Durham' is easily my favorite movie.

From anchorman:

"What? You crapped in the refrigerator....and you ate a whole wheel of cheese? I'm not even upset...in fact, I'm quite impressed!"

From anchorman:

"What? You crapped in the refrigerator....and you ate a whole wheel of cheese? I'm not even upset...in fact, I'm quite impressed!"

Maj. Kong: Well boys we've got three engines out, we got more holes in us than a horse trader's mule, the radio's gone, we're leaking gas and if we was flying any lower we'd have to put sleigh bells on this thing, but there's one thing we got on those Rooskies. At this height why they might be able to harpoon us but they dang sure can't spot us on no radar screen!

Tommy Boy

Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?
Richard: No, your face does.

Airplane:

Dr. Rumack:
Can you fly this plane and land it?
Ted Striker:
Surely you can't be serious.
Dr. Rumack:
I am serious, and don't call me Shirley.



Elaine Dickinson:
Would you like something to read?
Woman:
Do you have anything light?
Elaine Dickinson:
Umm, how 'bout this leaflet: "Famous Jewish Sports Legends"?


Capt. Clarence Oveur:
Joey, you like movies about gladiators?


Old woman: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Old woman: First time?
Striker: No, I´ve been nervous before.


And then there's Ted's drinking problem.

From Tommy Boy:

Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why do they put a guarantee on a box? Hmm, very interesting.

Ted: I'm listening.

Tommy: Here's how I see it. A guy puts a guarantee on the box 'cause he wants you to fell all warm and toasty inside.

Ted: Yeah, makes a man feel good.

Tommy: 'Course it does. Ya think if you leave that box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter.

Ted: What's your point?

Tommy: The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy, but we're not buying it. Next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up, I seen it a hundred times.

Ted: But why do they put a guarantee on the box then?

Tommy: Because they know all they solda ya was a guaranteed piece of ****. That's all it is. Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for right now, for your sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality item from me.

Ted: Hmm. Okay, I'll buy from you.

Tommy: Well I... What?


[This message has been edited by ElCheAg (edited 4/29/2005 8:37a).]

Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?
Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.
Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you...
Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabye I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.
Charles: Then ask her where you met her.
Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we f'ed. Is that... would that be... T, would that be the money?
Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.
Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?
Trent, Sue: Six days.

Wang!...don't tell 'em your Jewish.

They said you was hung
And they was right.

Are you crazy...can't you see this mans a Ni...

Wher'd the ball go?
Right in the Lumberyard.

Ahoy Palloy.

Right now buddy...your leader of two things...jack and ****..

Anybody got a dime? Somebody's gotta go back and get a sh*tload of dimes!

quote:

---

FARVA: Yeah ill have a uh liter of cola
BURGER GUY: What?
FARVA: A liter of cola!
BURGER GUY: Liter-O-Cola do we make liter-o-cola?
THORNE: Why dont you just order a large Farva?
FARVA: I don't want a large Farva I want a ******* liter of cola.
BURGER GUY: I don't know what that is.
FARVA: Liter is french for give me some fu**in cola before I rip off your fu**in lips!!

---

1. "I'll be back." Terminator.
2. "Your name's Calvin Klien, isn't it? That was what was on your underwear." Back to the Future.
3. "Wouldcha, couldcha, butcha, willyoucha, butchujus, ..." Uncle Buck.
4. "Somebody grabbed their chest. They must have seen the bill." One of the later Dirty Harry series.

For some strange reason, there was a line in "Major League" that was promoed, but didn't make it to the movie; maybe its on the outtakes of the DVD.

Right after the game where Vaughn gives up the first meatball to the Yankee player, him and Taylor are having a beer.

Taylor: That ball wouldn't have made it out of every park.
Vaughn: Name one.
Taylor: Yellowstone.

[This message has been edited by 91AggieLawyer (edited 4/29/2005 1:14p).]

Also from Super Troopers

quote:

---

Hey, Pink Stick! Move that gigantic cotton candy!!

---

quote:

---

Chief Grady - I'm sorry about the de-lousing. It's standard procedure.
Farva - It's powdered sugar.
Chief Grady - Yeah...the louse hate sugar.
Farva - It's delicious.

---

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: Well what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter Gibbons: I'd relax, I would sit on my a$$ all day, I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do sh 1t.



Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent a$$ clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.



[This message has been edited by pwalnuts (edited 4/29/2005 6:05p).]

European Vacation:

Stuardess: Would you like that in the can?
Clark: No...I'll have it right here.

Animal House

"Nothing is over until we decide it is. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! And it ain't over now."

Ben Affleck in Mallrats sleeping w/the 15 year old.

"Who's your favorite New Kid..call me Joey...oh yes, don't make me get loose...call me donnie, come on..a girl,yeah please don't go girl"

Oh there they go. There they go, every time I start talkin 'bout boxing, a white man got to pull Rocky Marciano out their ass. That's their one, that's their one. Rocky Marciano. Rocky Marciano. Let me tell you something once and for all. Rocky Marciano was good, but compared to Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano ain't sh*t.

...He beat Joe Lewis' Ass!

Gig'Em Ags

Joe Lewis was 76 years old when dey fought...

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Neil Patrick Harris stole my car!
NPH wouldn't do that.

OddBall: "Why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don't you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?"

Neil Patrick Harris: "This dude gave me some X and I've been triping balls ever since."


Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter...what the f***."


O'Bannion: "You are the worst pool player I have ever seen. You're lucky I even let you play at my table."


Freshman Kid: "You guys don't even know. I was getting there."
Carl: "Did you hear that he was gettin' there. Boy please, you wouldn't know what to do with it anyway. We're freshman now. ......
where are the girls are putting out." not exact, but close.

Brody Bruce: "Did you ever fart in front of her...."

"Your girlfriend sucked 37 d****? At one time?"

Kramer: "Well I must say, this all sounds capricious and arbitrary."

Dean Jones: "Your fly is undone."

"I forgot my cell phone."
"Do you want to go back and get it?"
"No. We've gone too far."

Otter: Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests - we did.
[winks at Dean Wormer]

How can you shoot women and children?
You just don't lead them as much.

"Big Gulps eh? Welp...see ya later"

Red: You know I wouldn't trip, but pops wants my bike back

Debo: What bike?

Red: The Beach Cruiser. The one I lent you last week.

Debo: Oh...I didn't know you wanted it back homey.....

That's my bike punk!

Debo: "You want some of this too old man?"

Dad: "NO!"

Detective Dolly: [sarcastically] So, what's the symbology of all this?

Paul Smecker: "Symbology"? Well, now that Duffy's relinquished his King Bonehead crown, I see we have a new heir to the throne. The word I believe you're looking for is "symbolism".

"Kinda makes me feel like Riverdancin'"

"Cafe latte, twist of lemon...
... Sweet n' low"

Where the white women at?

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could even be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul!