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Funniest Movie Lines Ever

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PLUM LOCO
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Naked Gun...

quote:
Armed robbery, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo…what the hell’s got into you, Frank?”
mduncbish
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From Plains, Trains, and Automobiles...
quote:
Steve Martin (Neal): And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of ****ing nowhere with ****ing keys to a ****ing car that isn't ****ing there. And I really didn't care to ****ing walk down a ****ing highway and across a ****ing runway to get back here to have you smile at my ****ing face. I want a ****ing car RIGHT ****ING NOW!
mduncbish
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And Dirty Harry, gotta love Clint
quote:
Clint Eastwood (Harry Callahan): : When a man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!
mleming
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Lisa: I’m a vegetarian now. I don’t eat meat.
Homer: Not even bacon?
Lisa: No
Homer: What about ham?
Lisa: No dad no meat at all.
Homer: Not even pork chops?
Lisa: NO DAD…ALL OF THOSE COME FROM THE SAME ANIMAL!!!!!!!!
Homer: (sarcastically) Sure Lisa…a magical wonderful animal from the land of make believe.
Aggie94
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From Chasing Amy (timely):

Hooper X: For years in this industry, whenever an African American character, hero or villain, is introduced USUALLY by my white artist names. They got SLAPPED with racist names that singled them out as Negros! Now--my book, "White-Hating Coon", don't have any of that bull****. The hero's name is Maleequa and he's descended from the black tribe that established the first society on the planet while all you European mother****ers were all hiding out in caves 'n ****, terrified of the sun. He's a strong role-model that a young black reader can look up to. 'Cause I'm here to tell ya: the chickens are coming home to roost, y'all. The black man is no longer going to be playing the minstrel in the medium of comics and sci-fi fantasy. We're keeping it real! And we're going to get respect by any means necessary.
Holden (Ben Affleck): Ah, c'mon, that's a bunch of horse****! Lando Calrissian was a black guy, y'know, he got to fly the Millenium Falcon! What's the matter with you!
Hooper: Who said that?
Holden: (standing up) I did. Lando Calrissian is a positive role-model in the realm of science fiction fantasy.
Hooper: Hey, **** Lando Calrissian!
(Holden shrugs and sits down)
Hooper: Uncle-Tom ******, heh. It's always some white boy got to invoke the holy trinity. Bust this! Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother-man down--even in a galaxy far far away. Check this ****. You got cracker farmboy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy blond hair blue eyes. Then you got Darth Vader, blackest brother in the galaxy. Nubian god!
Banky (Jason Lee): (standing up) What's a nubian?
Hooper: Shut the **** up! (Banky sits down) Now. Vader, he's a spiritual brother, down with the force and all that good ****. Then this cracker Skywalker gets his hands on a lightsaber, and the boy decides HE'S gonna run the whole ****ing universe! Gets a whole KLAN of whites together and they go bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star! Now what the **** do you call that?
Banky: Intergalatic civil war?
Hooper: Gentrification!! They gonna drive out the black element to make the galaxy quote-unquote safe for white folks! In "Jedi," the most insulting installment when Vader's beautiful black visage is SULLIED when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty old white man! They trying to tell us that deep inside, we all wants to be WHITE!!!
Banky: Well, isn't that true?

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Not all those who wander are lost.
Piper Down
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So I Married An Axe Murderer:

We have a Downed Piper. I repeat, a Piper is Down.
Piper Down
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Team America:

Lisa: If you promise me you'll never die... I'll sleep with you right now.

Gary: ... I promise I will never die...
 
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