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Valerian & the City of a Thousand Planets - maybe the harshest review I've ever read

22,045 Views | 159 Replies | Last: 6 yr ago by YouBet
fig96
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Quote:

The Razzies don't need to wait until the end of the year to anoint a winner for 2017. The Golden Turkey Awards should be republished with a new cover. Euro-trash is back, while sci-fi will need to lick its wounds for a while. Dane DeHaan, who has starred in two of the most egregiously bloated misfires of the year with A Cure for Wellness and now this, should do a couple of indie films, while Cara Delevingne needs to learn there is more to acting than smirking and eye-rolling. Rihanna should pretend this never happened. And the Hollywood studio chiefs can breathe easy that, this time, at least, they'll escape blame for making a giant summer franchise picture that nobody wants to see, since this one's a French import.

Yes, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets really is that bad, bad enough that you don't know for the longest time that Valerian is one of the lead characters and not a planet or a spaceship. Sporting special effects and sets that smack of 50-year-old Barbarella-style tackiness, Luc Besson's $200-million eyesore will barely trigger a momentary blip on the American box-office radar screen, leaving Besson with the lone hope that there are parts of the world where the entertainment tastes remain, ahem, less discriminating.
It only gets better from there.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/amp/review/valerian-city-a-thousand-planets-review-1019847
rhutton125
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Brian Earl Spilner
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I've only seen that guy as Harry Osborn in Amazing Spider-Man. He's absolutely terrible.
TajMaballer
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He was great in Chronicle
Belton Ag
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Seeing the trailers, I can't imagine that movie could be anything but awful.
amercer
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It looks more or less like The Fifth Element, which is one of the coolest movies ever. So there's that.
Bruce Almighty
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Reviews so far are decent.
rhutton125
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Fifth Element is pretty divisive, so I bet this one will be too. For example, this review says it's the worst thing ever. But RT has a (very) early score of 72%.

Personally, I don't like the Fifth Element very much. But my gf absolutely loves it.
schmendeler
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I want to know what this guy thinks of 5th element.
benMath08
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Wait, people don't like The Fifth Element?
Bruce Almighty
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benMath08 said:

Wait, people don't like The Fifth Element?


I thought it was ok
schmendeler
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benMath08 said:

Wait, people don't like The Fifth Element?
I'm curious what the 5th element/fast and furious venn diagram would look like.
Belton Ag
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I liked the 5th Element. I've seen it once or twice and thought it was fine, but this movie doesn't really look like that to me. Granted it's been a while since I watched it. But this movie just doesn't look very good to me.
Rex Racer
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I have thought this movie looked dumb from the first trailer I saw, and I normally love sci-fi/fantasy. I'll see it, though because my wife really wants to see it.
Tonyperkis
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I've seen one Fast & Furious movie years ago, and I love the Fifth Element. I don't think that's a very accurate comparison. Fifth Element was a stand alone, creative sci-fi idea. If you are going to compare it to other movies, I think it goes along with other over-the-top old school 90's action films like Die Hard, True Lies, etc.... I love those movies. I don't see the comparison with Fast & Furious at all, but as others have said, I guess it's a divisive movie for people.
GiveEmHellBill
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That's interesting. This is the first truly negative review I've seen. All the rest have been ranged from decent to pretty good, which is about what you can hope for these days.

I'll see it because it looks like Besson returning to the Fifth Element type of film. And the Fifth Element is oddball greatness. Certainly divisive, but I had a huge grin watching it.
Atreides Ornithopter
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The Fifth Element is one of those movies if pass by on TV I always watch. And Chris Tucker is greatness in it.
FL_Ag1998
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Tonyperkis said:

I've seen one Fast & Furious movie years ago, and I love the Fifth Element. I don't think that's a very accurate comparison. Fifth Element was a stand alone, creative sci-fi idea. If you are going to compare it to other movies, I think it goes along with other over-the-top old school 90's action films like Die Hard, True Lies, etc.... I love those movies. I don't see the comparison with Fast & Furious at all, but as others have said, I guuess it's a divisive movie for people.


This x 1000. What on Earth would make someone think those two movies are even in the same ballpark, lol?
FL_Ag1998
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And I'll likely rent this one, but Cara Deleyebrows is enough of a turnoff to make me even doubt that.
schmendeler
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Tonyperkis said:

I've seen one Fast & Furious movie years ago, and I love the Fifth Element. I don't think that's a very accurate comparison. Fifth Element was a stand alone, creative sci-fi idea. If you are going to compare it to other movies, I think it goes along with other over-the-top old school 90's action films like Die Hard, True Lies, etc.... I love those movies. I don't see the comparison with Fast & Furious at all, but as others have said, I guess it's a divisive movie for people.
that was kind of my point, although I understand that it might not have been clear from my post. I would guess that the two circles of the diagram would be barely touching.
Bruce Almighty
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Brennus said:

The Fifth Element is one of those movies if pass by on TV I always watch. And Chris Tucker is greatness in it.


His character almost ruined the movie for me.
FL_Ag1998
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schmendeler said:

Tonyperkis said:

I've seen one Fast & Furious movie years ago, and I love the Fifth Element. I don't think that's a very accurate comparison. Fifth Element was a stand alone, creative sci-fi idea. If you are going to compare it to other movies, I think it goes along with other over-the-top old school 90's action films like Die Hard, True Lies, etc.... I love those movies. I don't see the comparison with Fast & Furious at all, but as others have said, I guess it's a divisive movie for people.
that was kind of my point, although I understand that it might not have been clear from my post. I would guess that the two circles of the diagram would be barely touching.


Makes perfect sense then.
Tonyperkis
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schmendeler said:

Tonyperkis said:

I've seen one Fast & Furious movie years ago, and I love the Fifth Element. I don't think that's a very accurate comparison. Fifth Element was a stand alone, creative sci-fi idea. If you are going to compare it to other movies, I think it goes along with other over-the-top old school 90's action films like Die Hard, True Lies, etc.... I love those movies. I don't see the comparison with Fast & Furious at all, but as others have said, I guess it's a divisive movie for people.
that was kind of my point, although I understand that it might not have been clear from my post. I would guess that the two circles of the diagram would be barely touching.
My bad, I was reading what you said backwards. Totally agree with you then
MSFC Aggie
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Quote:

Personally, I don't like the Fifth Element very much. But my gf absolutely loves it.
Bizarro world
dcAg
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It really does look like a cross between Barbarella and the 5th Element.

Terrible trailer. Cant even tell what the movies is about other than kind of a chase movie with fighting and explosions. I guess kind of like 6 out of every 10 movies out there...
Dro07
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I don't think it matters anymore what the domestic box-office does if they can make it up in the foreign
Cinco Ranch Aggie
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I saw The Fifth Element when it came out in what, 1997, and I have maybe seen it once or twice since then on some cable station like TBS. I enjoyed the movie well enough, but not so well to actually want to watch it again.

This movie looks like garbage. I might Redbox it, but only if I happen to be going to a store where there is a box out front.
Sapper Redux
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Cinco Ranch Aggie said:

I saw The Fifth Element when it came out in what, 1997, and I have maybe seen it once or twice since then on some cable station like TBS. I enjoyed the movie well enough, but not so well to actually want to watch it again.

This movie looks like garbage. I might Redbox it, but only if I happen to be going to a store where there is a box out front.


This is one of those odd movies that I would only watch in the theaters on as HD a screen as I can find. Like Avatar, I have a feeling I would leave feeling stupider for having watched it, but impressed at the visuals.
spanky
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Brennus said:

The Fifth Element is one of those movies if pass by on TV I always watch. And Chris Tucker is greatness in it.
This...and being compared to Avatar is a kick in the junk
Sapper Redux
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I like the 5th Element. I was referring to the new film.
spanky
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Gotcha, my junk feels better now
Atreides Ornithopter
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rule 1 on the gf that absolutely loves 5th Element ?
Bruce Almighty
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Avatar > 5th Element
powerbelly
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Bruce Almighty said:

Avatar > 5th Element
At least the 5th Element was somewhat original.
Bruce Almighty
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powerbelly51 said:

Bruce Almighty said:

Avatar > 5th Element
At least the 5th Element was somewhat original.


It's weird how some movies are criticized for being unoriginal while others get a free pass. Very few movies are actually original. That's something that's never really bothered me.
 
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