I have now run into Elizabeth Berkeley twice in two weeks. On the same street (down the block from my apartment). Both times at pizza joints (Pizzana and Fresh Brothers). Both times with her husband/boyfriend and their kid. For the record, she seemed neither so excited, nor so scared either time.

Damn it, now nobody can make the joke.

Flying from el paso to lax. There is this older woman in the gate area with very distinct style of dress and a flat brim felt hat.

Idiot me: "if I didn't know better, I would swear you were diane Keaton. "

Diane Keaton: "I am"

I followed her to CVS

Randomly, there was talk of Mischa Barton (from The O.C.) in the Star Wars thread earlier today, I mentioned I had a story involving her, but didn't want to keep clogging up that thread, so I figured I'd tell it here, in the old go-to. It's one of my favorites, not because of anything Mischa did (she's hardly in it), but because of the punchline at the end...

I think it was maybe my second ever photo shoot as a P.A. (production assistant, basically the lowest man on the totem pole), around the time of the final season of The O.C. I can't even remember what the shoot was for, I just remember it was at a house in Malibu, literally next door to Brad and Angelina, and we were shooting Mischa Barton for either a magazine cover or a fashion line.

It was the first setup of the day and we were in the back yard, in the grass by the pool. I was standing there, watching the shoot, ready if anyone needed anything, when the location manager (who would eventually become one of my all-time favorite people) walked up to me. "We need you get some beach wraps," he said. Mind you, at this exact moment, Mischa was in the middle of a pose, her arms and shoulders wrapped in a thin cloth material, about the size of a towel, exactly like you'd wrap yourself in a towel if you were cold after you just got out of the pool. And behind her, beyond the back yard, was the sprawling Pacific Ocean, aka "the beach." So I was standing there, looking at Mischa, who was WRAPPED in this cloth, with the BEACH behind her, when this request was made of me.

"ANY beach wraps?" I asked, dubious.

"Yeah, it doesn't matter. We just need some beach wraps."

An odd request for sure, but again, this was like my second ever photo shoot, and dumb 'ol me just assumed they weren't being super specific about that particular aspect of the wardrobe. Or maybe they just assumed I had good taste? Probably the latter. Either way, I didn't question it, I just hopped in my car, eager to prove myself on my first real mission as a P.A.

Now, when I say I scoured Malibu, I literally went inside *every* last boutique and female clothing store in town, asking each and every one if they had any beach wraps. And sure, many of the saleswomen asked me to explain what a beach wrap was, and being the high-fashion/photoshoot expert I clearly was, I gave them the rough dimensions, the look/feel of the cloth, etc… yet not only did no one know what they were (my first clue), not a single store had any.

Sh*t.

Finally, I was all the way down at the very end of the very last retail/restaurant area of Malibu, before it turns back into nothing but beach and beach houses, basically all the way to Santa Monica (another 20 or so minutes away). When, at the traffic light, I looked to my left, and there was this little pop-up shop that looked like it popped up 50 years ago and never left. Pretty crappy looking, and not at all promising, but I figured what the hell. It was my last chance and I'd already been gone forever. So I pulled an illegal u-turn on the Pacific Coast Highway, parked, and walked "inside," where I was greeted by an old Hispanic woman who barely spoke any English, asking if I needed any help. Yet again, I explained what a beach wrap was, gesturing for effect… to which, much to my surprise, she replied, "Si! Si!" and gestured for me to follow her. She led me to a a little turnstile rack... and there they were. The beach wraps. Exactly what Mischa was wrapped in, draped over her shoulders, in all kinds of colors and designs. I pulled some of the rack, holding them up, examining them, *actually* thinking to myself, "This one'll look great. Oh, yeah, this one too." I finally picked what I thought were the five best, I paid, profusely thanked the old Hispanic woman, and then speed all the way back to the shoot.

You know the scene in Meet the Parents, where Ben Stiller triumphantly arrives to the wedding rehearsal, in the back yard, with Jinx the cat, who everyone thought was missing? And he has that big, proud smile on his face, and everyone's so happy?

That's basically exactly how I felt as I pulled up to the house, made my way to the garage where everyone was, bag in-hand with the beach wraps inside.

But then, you know how later on in Meet the Parents, they discover it's actually a Jinx lookalike and that Greg (Stiller) painted the cat's tail?

That's how I was about to feel, only I wasn't trying to pull one over on anyone. I was just an idiot. Case in point...

I entered the big, opened garage, where craft services (all the food) and our little base camp, etc was setup. And again, everyone's in there, including Mischa, taking a break between setups.

"Got 'em," I proudly said to our location manager, as I held up the bag and pulled out one of the stunning beach wraps.

To which he asked, incredulously… "What the hell is that?"

"A beach wrap," I responded. What else would it be?

At that, I watched his eyes go wide, pause to process what he just heard, and then start HOWLING with laughter.

Then, our producer, standing nearby, did the same. Followed by our production manager.

All absolutely laughing their asses off.

Soon, everyone, including Mischa, was looking at us - at me standing there with a "What's so funny?" grin on my face, the others literally buckled over from laughter - wondering what the hell could possibly be so funny.

Finally, catching his breath, but still laughing, the location manager managed to say…

"No… BEE traps."

Hence the LOCATION MANAGER asking me to go on this run. Because there were BEES. Next to the garage. At our shooting LOCATION. Which he was in charge of.

The stylist didn't ask me. The stylist's assistant didn't ask me. Not even our producer.

The LOCATION MANAGER.

Instantly, I turned red, and realized how green and how much of a dumbass I was.

Luckily, because it was basically the funniest thing to ever happen to any of these people on a shoot, I wasn't fired. In fact, it weirdly endeared me to everyone, I kicked ass at that job otherwise/after that, and went on to run shoots myself not too long after.

But man, it definitely took me a while to shake that one. Hell, to this day, friends and family still make beach wrap/bee trap jokes to me.

And I certainly can't think of Mischa Barton or The O.C. without thinking of that day.

That is a good story!

It could go in Peterman's book.

Those two phrases are legitimately impossible to differentiate without further clarification

That's wonderful.

Sex Panther said:

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This is the most applicable use of that gif I've ever seen.