This guy walks into a bar, grabs a bar stool and slumps over the bar.

The bartender asks: "Are you ok?"

The guy says: "I haven't slept for the last two weeks. Fortunately, I have an appointment with a veterinarian tomorrow morning."

Bartender: "A vet? Maybe you should see a doctor."

The guy answers: "It's my pet cricket. It has restless leg syndrome."

Tell me more about this cricket.

The world's most avid baseball fan (an Aggie) had arrived at the stadium for the first game of the World Series only to realize he had left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Dave!" The Aggie looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice -- with no success. Then he realized he had lost his place in line and had to wait all over again. When the fan finally bought his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to buy a drink. The line at the concession stand was long, too, but since the game hadn't started he decided to wait. Just as he got to the window, a voice called out, "Hey, Dave!" Again the Aggie tried to find the voice -- but no luck. He was very upset as he got back in line for his drink. Finally the fan went to his seat, eager for the game to begin. As he waited for the pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey Dave!" once more. Furious, he stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "My name isn't Dave!"

Man walks into an empty bar and sits down. He orders a beer and while he's waiting he hears:

"Hey man, looking good today!!"

Confused, the guy looks around and then asks the bar tender, "who said that?"

Setting his beer down, the bar tender replied: "it was the peanuts…they're complimentary.."

The aristocrats.

Wolfpac 08 said:

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Man walks into an empty bar and sits down. He orders a beer and while he's waiting he hears:

"Hey man, looking good today!!"

Confused, the guy looks around and then asks the bar tender, "who said that?"

Setting his beer down, the bar tender replied: "it was the peanuts…they're complimentary.."

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One of my favorites.

A termite walked into a bar and asked: "Is the bar tender here?"

Duffel Pud said:

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Tell me more about this cricket.

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One of its ancestors, Davy, was at the Battle of the Alamo.

Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman
walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't
serve your type here."

A neutron walks into a bar and asks: "How much for a
beer?

The bartender answers: "For you? No charge."

This nuclear physicist was into a bar and orders a Gin Atomic.

I poured water over a duck's back yesterday. I don't think he cared.

IIIHorn said:

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Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman
walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't
serve your type here."

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What a bold statement!

This screw drive walks into a bar and the bartender says: "We have a drink named after you."

The screw driver says: "You have a drink named Murray?"

Moments later ... in walked a grasshopper.

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says: "Sorry, this establishment requires neckties."

The cowboy returns to his truck, rummages around in his truck bed, finds jumper cables, ties them around his neck, returns to the bar and asks: "Now, may I place an order?"

The bartender replies: "As long as you don't start anything."

A hot blonde walks into a bar, orders a double entendre and the bartender gives it to her.

An Aggie, a blonde and a politician walk into a bar and the bartender says: "What is this ... a joke?"

This guy walks into a bar and the bartender says: "I haven't seen you in a few days ... have you been out of town?"

The guy replies: "Yes. I went fishing."

Bartender: "So, how was your fishing trip?"

The guy: "Not really. All I caught was an old boot, a tire, a tin can and this book of cliche's."

javajaws said:

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IIIHorn said:

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Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman
walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't
serve your type here."

---

What a bold statement!

---

Ha!

I'd like to point out that IIIHorn does this schtick on every board regardless of the topic. Some times people have no idea that it's their "thing" and gets their jimmies rustled. It's quite entertaining at times.






I for one greatly appreciate all of the puns and posts.

nai06 said:

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I'd like to point out that IIIHorn does this schtick on every board regardless of the topic. Some times people have no idea that it's their "thing" and gets their jimmies rustled. It's quite entertaining at times.






I for one greatly appreciate all of the puns and posts.

---

I want to know if it is "Ill" as in sick or roman numeral III.

nai06 said:

---

I'd like to point out that IIIHorn does this schtick on every board regardless of the topic. Some times people have no idea that it's their "thing" and gets their jimmies rustled. It's quite entertaining at times.






I for one greatly appreciate all of the puns and posts.

---

I appreciate your tremendous patience with me, as well as, your depleted sense of humor.

Champion of Fireball said:

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nai06 said:

---

I'd like to point out that IIIHorn does this schtick on every board regardless of the topic. Some times people have no idea that it's their "thing" and gets their jimmies rustled. It's quite entertaining at times.






I for one greatly appreciate all of the puns and posts.

---

I want to know if it is "Ill" as in sick or roman numeral III.

---

Roman numeral III.

The other version is applicable.

Ha!

A hydroxyl molecule walks into a bar and the bartender said: "Sorry, we don't serve radicals here."

A fraction at the bar overheard this and said to the bartender: "Try not to be irrational."

Champion of Fireball said:

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I poured water over a duck's back yesterday. I don't think he cared.

---

Did the duck get the flock out of there or did you get down?

The past, present and future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

Duffel Pud said:

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Tell me more about this cricket.

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I heard he for sure ****s

Duffel Pud said:

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Tell me more about this cricket.

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It wields a bat and protects a wicket while signaling its teammates by rubbing its legs together.