Just curious of what other people's thoughts/customs on attending funerals - other than your own or spouses or kids close family. Mine for reference:

• Family friend - someone from the family should attend if possible to show respect from the family
• Employee who works for me - attend their funeral, spouses, kids or grandkids - have someone in management from my department if it is mother or father.
• Family - aunts, uncles, cousins - only attend if I liked or respected them - mom's side. I'm the black sheep of the family. I was trash growing up to them. Now, I'm the most successful out of all the cousins on my mom's side. Dad's side - we good and the family is very small. All that is left is my uncle, his wife and my 3 cousins. Would attend if any of them passed.
• Management and my peers - only go if I liked or respected them.
• Friends - my firends are few but I'm closer to them than most my fam. Them or their immediate family passes - I'm there no matter what. People I've been close to at one point in time and may have drifted away - will attend if I can.

For example, a coach my daughter played for just passed away and his funeral is coming up. The family was very good to my daughter and to us. My daughter can't go due to a previous commitment. I have no idea what the ex-wife will do. Consequently I feel like someone from the hoose family should be there to show respect.

Had an uncle just pass away this summer. POS. Didn't go. Felt no need to go.

Guy that worked for me passed away this spring unexpectedly. Went.

This thread needs a funeral.

I would not attend.

tldr

Very fact dependent. I get along fine with my family, so I'd likely attend funerals for most of them, though outside factors could prevent it. Co-workers, probably not unless they were also friends.

I try to go to what I can. I'm sad I have to miss someone's this upcoming weekend who I worked with for many years, but we will be out of town for a tournament.

Definitely will attend family. I hadn't seen my Uncle in probably 20 years but I went to his funeral. I have another cousin who I fear will not last long (around my age), and I plan on going to his. It's probably been 7-10 years since I've seen him. Both are/will be in Louisiana.

I check hometown obits very often. While I haven't talked to one of my growing up best friends since I left high school, I would definitely go back for her parents funeral.

Quote:

---

Family - aunts, uncles, cousins - only attend if I liked or respected them - mom's side. I'm the black sheep of the family. I was trash growing up to them.

---

Forgive them in your heart and go to the funeral. Pray for the repose of their soul. Its for your own good.

My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was in my 20s (he was in his 50s). To that point in my life I didn't think a great deal about funerals and generally didn't feel compelled to go unless it was family or a close family friend situation.

I was incredibly touched by the people who showed up to my dad's funeral. Some high school friends who I hadn't seen in years, coworkers who drove from a couple of hours away, etc. There were quite a few people there who I would have never expected to see, and it really meant a lot to me that they showed up.

Since that experience, my perspective has been to go to funerals unless I'm sure I don't need or want to be there. In the case of your daughter's former coach, I would absolutely go. It would probably mean a great deal to his family to know that he impacted a kid so much in his coaching that her family came to his funeral years later.

Scotts Tot said:

---

My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was in my 20s (he was in his 50s). To that point in my life I didn't think a great deal about funerals and generally didn't feel compelled to go unless it was family or a close family friend situation.

I was incredibly touched by the people who showed up to my dad's funeral. Some high school friends who I hadn't seen in years, coworkers who drove from a couple of hours away, etc. There were quite a few people there who I would have never expected to see, and it really meant a lot to me that they showed up.

Since that experience, my perspective has been to go to funerals unless I'm sure I don't need or want to be there. In the case of your daughter's former coach, I would absolutely go. It would probably mean a great deal to his family to know that he impacted a kid so much in his coaching that her family came to his funeral years later.

---

Ragnar Danneskjoldd said:

---

Quote:

---

Family - aunts, uncles, cousins - only attend if I liked or respected them - mom's side. I'm the black sheep of the family. I was trash growing up to them.

---

Forgive them in your heart and go to the funeral. Pray for the repose of their soul. Its for your own good.

---

that's some good advice

Hoosegow said:

---

• Management and my peers - only go if I liked or respected them.

---

What if two of them die in the same car accident and their families decide to have a double funeral, but you only liked/respected one of them. Would you go to the first service and leave before the second one started?

Funerals are for the living. Go if you want to pay your respects or if you want to support the family.

Unless it is a very close friend or family member, I usually go to the visitation, pay my respects in person, and sign the book. For close friends and family I try to attend the funeral and/or burial.

Had a young coworker unexpectedly die this spring and the husband and I went to the celebration of life. Would have preferred it not be on the Friday evening of Memorial Day weekend, but it was a pretty traumatic for his family and honestly even us at work. Our office is small so we all went, where as the other branch of work did not, but the owners did. Husband recently lost 2 uncles and we didn't go to the funerals as they weren't close, had some scheduling issues, and there was drama around another one, so his dad said to don't bother even going and getting into that mess. I also agree that if that coach had some positive impact on your daughters life its definitely worth going.

is a "celebration of life" a secular funeral?

Funerals are generally a good time for everyone not in a box. I go to family, friends and co-workers when I can. Stories, memories and seeing people I don't see often, ever or never makes it worth it.

ME92 said:

---

Funerals are for the living. Go if you want to pay your respects or if you want to support the family.

---

Yep.

"Let us learn to show our friendship for a man when he is alive and not after he is dead. After that my own rule is to let everything alone."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald


One of the most profound lines I remember from high school literature.

Ragnar Danneskjoldd said:

---

is a "celebration of life" a secular funeral?

---

Pretty much. "Don't be sad they are dead. Be happy about your chance to know them while alive"

Scotts Tot said:

---

My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was in my 20s (he was in his 50s). To that point in my life I didn't think a great deal about funerals and generally didn't feel compelled to go unless it was family or a close family friend situation.

I was incredibly touched by the people who showed up to my dad's funeral. Some high school friends who I hadn't seen in years, coworkers who drove from a couple of hours away, etc. There were quite a few people there who I would have never expected to see, and it really meant a lot to me that they showed up.

Since that experience, my perspective has been to go to funerals unless I'm sure I don't need or want to be there. In the case of your daughter's former coach, I would absolutely go. It would probably mean a great deal to his family to know that he impacted a kid so much in his coaching that her family came to his funeral years later.

---

I came to say something similar. We put on a funeral for dad, grandma, and grandpa in the span of 5 months in my 20s. The people that showed up really meant a lot to me. I've always tried my best to just show up. I can find an hour to go and support the family.

My Will states that there will only be direct family members at my funeral and that she can schedule a "celebration of life" party some time down the road where it won't inconvenience people.

I hate funerals

I like funerals over weddings. I want to plan my own funeral. It's gonna be an absurd event. Also want to make my own casket outta scrap wood. The whole funeral industry is a racket.

NoahAg said:

---

The whole funeral industry is a racket.

---

You can ask your family to donate your body. It's free. They pick you up and they return your ashes when they are done with you (not sure if there's an option for them to just sweep your ashes into the trash rather than waste the time of returning). Very easy.

https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-state/texas

Seven Costanza said:

---

NoahAg said:

---

The whole funeral industry is a racket.

---

You can ask your family to donate your body. It's free. They pick you up and they return your ashes when they are done with you (not sure if there's an option for them to just sweep your ashes into the trash rather than waste the time of returning). Very easy.

https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-state/texas

---

Is there a service to have your body shot out of a cannon and left to decompose where you fall?

Seven Costanza said:

---

NoahAg said:

---

The whole funeral industry is a racket.

---

You can ask your family to donate your body. It's free. They pick you up and they return your ashes when they are done with you (not sure if there's an option for them to just sweep your ashes into the trash rather than waste the time of returning). Very easy.

https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-state/texas

---

This is a great cause. Having done anatomy lab via this I have always been so appreciative.

I've always wanted to do this for my body. I would though have somebody stick a laminated message inside my body after my death but before the med students start cutting into me. I want it to say "I know you desecrated me and I will find you and haunt you." Or maybe they can put a fake treasure map into it. Sort of like a human cadaver fortune cookie.

Claude! said:

---

Seven Costanza said:

---

NoahAg said:

---

The whole funeral industry is a racket.

---

You can ask your family to donate your body. It's free. They pick you up and they return your ashes when they are done with you (not sure if there's an option for them to just sweep your ashes into the trash rather than waste the time of returning). Very easy.

https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-state/texas

---

Is there a service to have your body shot out of a cannon and left to decompose where you fall?

---

There's probably some Somalian pirates who would do that for you for free

Claude! said:

---

Seven Costanza said:

---

NoahAg said:

---

The whole funeral industry is a racket.

---

You can ask your family to donate your body. It's free. They pick you up and they return your ashes when they are done with you (not sure if there's an option for them to just sweep your ashes into the trash rather than waste the time of returning). Very easy.

https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-state/texas

---

Is there a service to have your body shot out of a cannon and left to decompose where you fall?

---

I don't think you can get a cannon, but you can get the rest of the process.

https://earthfuneral.com/texas/


There are other options where you donate your cadaver to schools that teach forensics. They then put your cadaver out in the woods as a demonstration for the students to estimate how long it has been decomposing.

RikkiTikkaTagem said:

---

Seven Costanza said:

---

NoahAg said:

---

The whole funeral industry is a racket.

---

You can ask your family to donate your body. It's free. They pick you up and they return your ashes when they are done with you (not sure if there's an option for them to just sweep your ashes into the trash rather than waste the time of returning). Very easy.

https://www.sciencecare.com/body-donation-state/texas

---

This is a great cause. Having done anatomy lab via this I have always been so appreciative.

I've always wanted to do this for my body. I would though have somebody stick a laminated message inside my body after my death but before the med students start cutting into me. I want it to say "I know you desecrated me and I will find you and haunt you." Or maybe they can put a fake treasure map into it. Sort of like a human cadaver fortune cookie.

---

"Don't look here. The joke is in your hand"

I'm going to my own funeral and I'm a POS. I will be late though to make a statement.

Many times I have signed my body for donation on the old driver's license. I've heard this, like "most" DO NOT RESUSCITATE orders are not followed & you need family members doing a close follow up / meetings with docs & nurses.
I offered to donate my body to science and science rejected me.

Scotts Tot said:

---

My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was in my 20s (he was in his 50s). To that point in my life I didn't think a great deal about funerals and generally didn't feel compelled to go unless it was family or a close family friend situation.

I was incredibly touched by the people who showed up to my dad's funeral. Some high school friends who I hadn't seen in years, coworkers who drove from a couple of hours away, etc. There were quite a few people there who I would have never expected to see, and it really meant a lot to me that they showed up.

Since that experience, my perspective has been to go to funerals unless I'm sure I don't need or want to be there. In the case of your daughter's former coach, I would absolutely go. It would probably mean a great deal to his family to know that he impacted a kid so much in his coaching that her family came to his funeral years later.

---

this is the best advice.
I have never been to a funeral and thought man, it was really dumb that I spent my time being loving and supporting to those who are grieving.

Coach wouldn't be from the local HS where you would they?

After my POS Uncle put a bullet in his head, I was taking my mom to the service and my cousins (his kids) asked me to pick up their dad's ashes on the way to the church since I would pass the funeral home on my way there. I did so accordingly, tossed the box into the back seat of my truck, took him into the church and put him on the first table I saw and said "there's your dad."

I only went because my mom wanted someone to go with her and because I care about a couple of my cousins on that side, luckily the ones that tended to take after their POS dad didn't even show up.

My stepdad died two weeks ago. I was in town to help my mom since stepdad had gone on hospice and I was at the store when mom called and said "come home now" and I dropped everything and headed to the house. I wasn't there for his last breath but was able to say goodbye before transport got there. I stayed in the house while they were moving him and even had to help since they sent two tiny individuals to pick him up, that was probably the hardest thing I have ever done.

By his request, there won't be a formal funeral, just a gathering at the house next month. I hope I can make it, but I just started a new job and don't know if I really should take the time off to travel back to TX again so soon, even though I know they would understand.

in 5 years will you remember the work you accomplished? or will you remember that you missed it and not remember what it was you were working on?

Probably not regarding the work thing.

I spent two weeks there in July and another two weeks in late August/Early September. Mom has told me not to come back in October, but I definitely feel that I probably should. Just have to work out logistics if I go, at least I am working remotely with the new gig and I know they would understand if I ask.

Scotts Tot said:

---

My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was in my 20s (he was in his 50s). To that point in my life I didn't think a great deal about funerals and generally didn't feel compelled to go unless it was family or a close family friend situation.

I was incredibly touched by the people who showed up to my dad's funeral. Some high school friends who I hadn't seen in years, coworkers who drove from a couple of hours away, etc. There were quite a few people there who I would have never expected to see, and it really meant a lot to me that they showed up.

---

I want to echo this. People showed up at my dad's service that I didn't know but that were peers of his. A number of guys in their 70's and 80's with tears in their eyes saying how much they respected him. That meant a lot to me. We think we know our parents, but we don't know everything about them.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

- Yogi Berra