lexofer said:

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We always had lots of scorpions, they never bothered me much. It was the foot long red headed centipede I found in my bed that still has me checking my sheets every night decades later.

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EOT this cannot be topped

I think this should count, even though it wasn't technically "in bed".

Years ago we went camping at Big Bend NP, in the basin. As the weather was so nice at night, my brother and I opted to not set up a tent, and just slept in our sleeping bags under the stars. One night, I woke up to something moving between my feet. It shuffled around, and eventually laid down, evidently having found a comfy spot to sleep. I poked my head up, and in the dark I could see black with white stripes. Teenage me started freaking out, wondering how I was going to get out of this situation. I didn't want to scare it, just wanted to let it know something was there. Eventually I decided to start wriggling my toes a little. Nothing. This beast didn't care at all. I continue moving more, little by little, until the point where I'm basically moving my entire foot trying to get this skunk off of me. Finally, it took the hint, and moved off into the night. At this point, a 16 year old that spent his entire life outdoors said "eff this", and begged his parents to let him inside the camper.

Was doing the deed and had a ferret crawl on my back. Didn't stop me.

lexofer said:

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We always had lots of scorpions, they never bothered me much. It was the foot long red headed centipede I found in my bed that still has me checking my sheets every night decades later.

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HAIL NAW!!!

Sketchy rent house at Port Mansfield for a weekend fishing tournament... Woke up multiple times to roaches crawling across me. After the second or third instance, I packed up my **** and moved to my truck. I then learned about the interior motion detecting alarm system in my brand new F-250, as I set it off every time I moved until I figured out how to disable it.

I found another house for the next night.

lexofer said:

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We always had lots of scorpions, they never bothered me much. It was the foot long red headed centipede I found in my bed that still has me checking my sheets every night decades later.

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One morning in high school I woke up with markings on my cheek that look exactly like the body / legs in that pic. Was really bizarre. Like three months later I'm cleaning under my bed...and find one of those dead. Guess it crawled across my face during the night. Never woke up. I suppose they secrete something as they walk because it left a picture perfect imprint on my cheek.

Aggie12B said:

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OP's mom

(sorry, I couldn't resist)

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I'm sorry. That was funny as hell and made my day.

To this day, I still don't know what it was. And that both terrifies me and placates me.

Tanya 93 said:

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A drunken, naked midget

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Please expound on this.

Clears throat. Crabs?