easier said than done. boundaries are hard to enforce.

hoosier-daddy said:

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And said "victim" never thinks to check the dimmer switch?

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Gas lamps

It's very manipulative and is often done by those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder. Those who do it are not likely to change this behavior. They may revel in it in fact.

infinity ag said:

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I have faced this situation many times. At work, some friends, my wife.
15 years ago when I was low on self-confidence, I felt that I was not good enough and I had to improve myself. Then I realized that I was being gaslighted by all these folks.
I give them the internal middle finger, but are there effective ways of neutralizing them?

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You're a stock poster so I'll give a real answer. Stop associating with people that do that. You are fully entitled to feel however you want to feel about anything. Family and friends should never bring you down.

infinity ag said:

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I have faced this situation many times. At work, some friends, my wife.
15 years ago when I was low on self-confidence, I felt that I was not good enough and I had to improve myself. Then I realized that I was being gaslighted by all these folks.
I give them the internal middle finger, but are there effective ways of neutralizing them?

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That's a lot of people. Maybe the problem really is you.

You first have to realize women are gaslighters innately. If you are being gas lighted by a female partner, laugh it off and figure out your own course of action that coincides with your gut instinct.

When someone you're not sharing bodily fluids with gas lights you, determine what your boundaries are and enforce them. That is a hard pill to swallow when it comes to family.

AgCat93 said:

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Was married to a gaslighter for 21 years until I realized through counseling what I was dealing with. I lost so much in that marriage - time, finances, life experiences, etc.

My divorce is final on October 16. Excited doesn't begin to describe how I feel.

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This is fascinating. What are some examples?

And sorry this happened to you. But what are we talking about here?

Gaslighting has also become the in vogue thing to claim when people don't have any self-confidence.

Yeah, there's a lot of *******s out there that will constantly make you second guess yourself.

There's also a lot of people who lack any kind of confidence or conviction in their decisions and need others to blame for that short-coming.

Proposition Joe said:

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Gaslighting has also become the in vogue thing to claim when people don't have any self-confidence.

Yeah, there's a lot of *******s out there that will constantly make you second guess yourself.

There's also a lot of people who lack any kind of confidence or conviction in their decisions and need others to blame for that short-coming.

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This.

We now have a term invented for everything if we feel offended.

Not really sure I've had to deal with a "gaslighter personality ".
I have dealt with a few people with a definite narcissist disorder. But they just want or seem to want a trophy for every day ish that is no big deal. From my experience a true narcissist isn't really trying to control other people and are more concerned about getting your approval of their behavior while completely ignoring any issues or problems that you may have.. in other words mowing their yard is more important to them than your doctors appointment that you are actually anxious about.
They make terrible friends.

a common "gaslight" would be making a really cruel joke at someone's expense, then when they tell you that it was hurtful, you tell them that they are just being sensitive and it's no big deal


or if you questioned someone about suspicious behavior, like coming home late every night or something, and they say " you're just being paranoid"

swimmerbabe11 said:

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a common "gaslight" would be making a really cruel joke at someone's expense, then when they tell you that it was hurtful, you tell them that they are just being sensitive and it's no big deal


or if you questioned someone about suspicious behavior, like coming home late every night or something, and they say " you're just being paranoid"

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The former is what was referred to as "an *******" for decades prior.

The latter is a better example... But it's also becomes a bit of a shucking of responsibility. "Oh I was gaslighted"... Well, yeah... but you could also just say your partner was a lying piece of **** and you were an oblivious dumbass. Constantly coining it as "gaslighted" seems to infer some kind of nefarious magic spell.

Lose your investment in a small company? "They gaslit me into thinking it was a wise investment!"

the emphasis is on the deception that it's the person's fault for being sensitive and they aren't doing anything wrong

I think that person is just an ******* if it's a drive by situation, but when it's a constant behavior of trying to convince a person that it's their fault or that nothing is actually wrong, that is when it is gaslighting. I'm not mean, it's just in your head.

Telling someone they're not being gaslighted is also gaslighting.

It seems like an overused term.

TheMasterplan said:

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It seems like an overused term.

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Same people that scream "STRAWMAN" every time they are losing an argument.

maroon barchetta said:

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Proposition Joe said:

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Gaslighting has also become the in vogue thing to claim when people don't have any self-confidence.

Yeah, there's a lot of *******s out there that will constantly make you second guess yourself.

There's also a lot of people who lack any kind of confidence or conviction in their decisions and need others to blame for that short-coming.

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This.

We now have a term invented for everything if we feel offended.

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Perfect example of gaslighting, guys Thanks for offering this.

maroon barchetta said:

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TheMasterplan said:

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It seems like an overused term.

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Same people that scream "STRAWMAN" every time they are losing an argument.

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Strawman seems more provable than gaslighting is though but I get what you mean.

Is every time someone gives you advice gaslighting or not? Don't like what someone says to you? Call it gaslighting or is it just another opinion?

They very may well be "gaslighting" but they also may not be. It's best to get varied opinions on a topic you're dealing with to sort it out.

713nervy said:

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maroon barchetta said:

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Proposition Joe said:

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Gaslighting has also become the in vogue thing to claim when people don't have any self-confidence.

Yeah, there's a lot of *******s out there that will constantly make you second guess yourself.

There's also a lot of people who lack any kind of confidence or conviction in their decisions and need others to blame for that short-coming.

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This.

We now have a term invented for everything if we feel offended.

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Perfect example of gaslighting, guys Thanks for offering this.

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Like a moth to a flame.

So which is gaslighting: targeting flags or the correct overturning of targeting flags? Or are they both? TIA.

I think some of y'all have a fundamental misunderstanding of what gaslighting is, particularly when it intersects with narcissistic personality disorder. It has nothing to do with not liking something someone says to you. It's a manipulation tactic and when someone is very skilled at it, they can cause their target to truly question things that they previously knew to be absolutely true.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gaslighting?amp

Seems like at least 3-4 posters on this thread that could benefit from some type of therapy

The point being made is those claiming gaslighting are examples that aren't gaslighting hence the overuse. The definition you've provided sounds harrowing and thus very limited in practice.

It just seems like another overused psych fad amongst many others.

"Therapy"

Another overused term. Promoted by therapists, I'm sure.

They are the Hallmark greeting card company of the present day.

Can we turn a straw man into a gas lamp?

TexasRebel said:

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Can we turn a straw man into a gas lamp?

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That would be lit

Gaslighting is basically lying, right?

There's nothing wrong with women over 35. I swear.

maroon barchetta said:

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"Therapy"

Another overused term. Promoted by therapists, I'm sure.

They are the Hallmark greeting card company of the present day.

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I would strongly recommend talk therapy to MANY posters on this board.

Screw gas light, only drink full strength

AliasMan02 said:

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maroon barchetta said:

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"Therapy"

Another overused term. Promoted by therapists, I'm sure.

They are the Hallmark greeting card company of the present day.

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I would strongly recommend talk therapy to MANY posters on this board.

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This board IS therapy.

This board is emotional damage.

So this afternoon my son told my daughter that she's a "meany booty". My daughter cried because she in fact does not think she is a meany booty. Is that gas lighting? Still trying to understand. Maybe I should only be concerned if she didnt cry, indicating that she believes that she is a meany booty while in reality she's just being 3.

AliasMan02 said:

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maroon barchetta said:

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"Therapy"

Another overused term. Promoted by therapists, I'm sure.

They are the Hallmark greeting card company of the present day.

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I would strongly recommend talk therapy to MANY posters on this board.

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If I openly and honestly talked to a therapist, they'd probably end up needing therapy.