Claude, receiving your gift in the mail was like receiving a dream box for the most thoughtful first date. And YES! Of course I will go with you!
First, you plan to win me over by making me laugh with this classic fart machine. Until we can be together I will daydream about delicately placing it beneath unsuspecting little old ladies, diligently gnawing away at their roast beef and cheese sandwiches. We do our best to contain our giggles as people react in curious disgust while the oldie is too engrossed in her sandwich to notice.
Next for dessert after our cheesy meal, you've packed saltwater taffy - something we both share a love for. I will be impressed as you shove fistfuls in your mouth, paper and all, without concern for the amount of saliva pouring from your mouth in attempt to assist your digestion. Your drool becomes so thick, it forms in parallel lines like walrus tusks leaking down your chin. I LOVE a man who knows what he wants, it is SO sexy.
By this time we will be thirsty so we will replenish our bodies with delicious Crystal Light. And seeing how much sodium we've consumed at this point, we're going to need A LOT. But have no fear because you've already thought of that!
As the sun starts to set, I'm feeling a little uneasy because cheese causes my body to make unimaginable things. We have driven to the top of a lookout point to watch the beautiful sun set - so romantic - but there are no bathrooms and it's getting dark! What's a girl to do?! Thankfully Claude, you've packed these biodegradable toilet bags for emergencies and a small but mighty lamp to help me see as I squat behind your truck. You sit in the cab loudly listening to Luke Bryan. And to ease my embarrassment over my temporarily aggressive bowels, you spend your time writing me a beautiful haiku.
Lamp to light the way
When doing your business
Be kind - bag your sh/t. - Claude!
We small talk about the pretty sky, the twinkling stars, what it would be like to roll down the mountain in a barrel, but it's getting late by this time. Being the gentleman that you are, you have the utmost respect for my 8:00 PM curfew - I just turned 18 after all - and you want to get me home before my Nanna starts worrying. You hold my hand as you drive me home - such a gentleman. But as we are saying our goodbyes, you tell me that you have one last surprise. Something that means a lot to you, that you made yourself just for me so that I would have something to remember you by.
Recently you've taken up glass blowing - a creative outlet at the local maker shop. You hand me a box wrapped with a bow. As I open it, a glowing light emerges from somewhere inside the box. I gasp - I can't believe it! It's not just one but FOUR glass d/cks in a box! They are BEAUTIFUL! And all have such unique personalities, just like the real thing.
I will never forget this magical moment, Claude. What a beautiful date! Thank you!
First, you plan to win me over by making me laugh with this classic fart machine. Until we can be together I will daydream about delicately placing it beneath unsuspecting little old ladies, diligently gnawing away at their roast beef and cheese sandwiches. We do our best to contain our giggles as people react in curious disgust while the oldie is too engrossed in her sandwich to notice.
Next for dessert after our cheesy meal, you've packed saltwater taffy - something we both share a love for. I will be impressed as you shove fistfuls in your mouth, paper and all, without concern for the amount of saliva pouring from your mouth in attempt to assist your digestion. Your drool becomes so thick, it forms in parallel lines like walrus tusks leaking down your chin. I LOVE a man who knows what he wants, it is SO sexy.
By this time we will be thirsty so we will replenish our bodies with delicious Crystal Light. And seeing how much sodium we've consumed at this point, we're going to need A LOT. But have no fear because you've already thought of that!
As the sun starts to set, I'm feeling a little uneasy because cheese causes my body to make unimaginable things. We have driven to the top of a lookout point to watch the beautiful sun set - so romantic - but there are no bathrooms and it's getting dark! What's a girl to do?! Thankfully Claude, you've packed these biodegradable toilet bags for emergencies and a small but mighty lamp to help me see as I squat behind your truck. You sit in the cab loudly listening to Luke Bryan. And to ease my embarrassment over my temporarily aggressive bowels, you spend your time writing me a beautiful haiku.
Lamp to light the way
When doing your business
Be kind - bag your sh/t. - Claude!
We small talk about the pretty sky, the twinkling stars, what it would be like to roll down the mountain in a barrel, but it's getting late by this time. Being the gentleman that you are, you have the utmost respect for my 8:00 PM curfew - I just turned 18 after all - and you want to get me home before my Nanna starts worrying. You hold my hand as you drive me home - such a gentleman. But as we are saying our goodbyes, you tell me that you have one last surprise. Something that means a lot to you, that you made yourself just for me so that I would have something to remember you by.
Recently you've taken up glass blowing - a creative outlet at the local maker shop. You hand me a box wrapped with a bow. As I open it, a glowing light emerges from somewhere inside the box. I gasp - I can't believe it! It's not just one but FOUR glass d/cks in a box! They are BEAUTIFUL! And all have such unique personalities, just like the real thing.
I will never forget this magical moment, Claude. What a beautiful date! Thank you!
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