Say something awful about yourself

5,445 Views | 61 Replies | Last: 3 yr ago by ballchain
Repeat the Line
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3:37p, 1/27/21
I have perpetual coffee breath and I like heavy women.
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MarathonAg12
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3:43p, 1/27/21
My dong is way too big.
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9
MouthBQ98
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3:49p, 1/27/21
AG
I hate the sound of little kids singing. It grates my spine. It's torture.
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HossAg
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In reply to MouthBQ98 • 3:51p, 1/27/21
AG
MouthBQ98 said:
I hate the sound of little kids singing. It grates my spine. It's torture.


I just hate kids in general.
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16
Uncle Howdy
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In reply to HossAg • 3:52p, 1/27/21
S
Now I see why you and hedge don't get along
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Shakes the Clown
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3:53p, 1/27/21
I made a client realize that the strange lights he saw zipping around his moms car when he was 14 was a UFO. Furthermore when I asked if he had "lost time" his demeanor changed and he couldn't account for an hour and a half. He and his mother were abducted by aliens.
I asked him if there was a body of water, a creek, ridge or hills around the location with the word "Devil" in the name he freaked out. He said there was a Devils Lake within 2 miles from where it happened. He showed me on Google Maps.
Lastly, I asked if he was of German, Irish or Native American descent. He responded German. All the clues that point to a classic abduction.

I said you need to get some therapy. I didn't have the balls to ask him about potential metal implants.

He drank a lot more after that...
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FIDO*98*
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3:54p, 1/27/21
AG
I'm proud of being a Texan, but, not proud enough to pretend Whataburger is good
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HossAg
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In reply to Uncle Howdy • 3:55p, 1/27/21
AG
Geralt of Rivia said:
Now I see why you and hedge don't get along


Hedge
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Bobby Petrino`s Neckbrace
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In reply to FIDO*98* • 3:56p, 1/27/21
or Blue Bell
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3
HossAg
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In reply to FIDO*98* • 4:03p, 1/27/21
AG
FIDO*98* said:
I'm proud of being a Texan, but, not proud enough to pretend Whataburger is good


This is blasphemy.
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7
BadMoonRisin
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4:14p, 1/27/21
AG
Pineapple pizza is my favorite.
My pronouns are AFUERA/AHORA!
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1
concac
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4:34p, 1/27/21
AG
I got caught stealing a dog whistle from Market Basket back in middle school.

What's awful about it is that I didn't even have a dog at the time.
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TecRecAg
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4:35p, 1/27/21
AG
My dieting willpower has a 2 month expiration
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3
Claude!
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4:43p, 1/27/21
Okay, I'll talk. In third grade I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade I stole my Uncle Max's toupe and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew school play. In fifth grade I knocked my sister Edith down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...
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Ginormus Ag
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In reply to TecRecAg • 4:47p, 1/27/21
AG
TecRecAg said:
My dieting willpower has a 2 month expiration


Pft. My dieting willpower has a two hour expiration.
Username checks out.
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5
MouthBQ98
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In reply to Claude! • 5:02p, 1/27/21
AG
Everything? Everything.
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lotsofhp
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5:09p, 1/27/21
AG
I'm very judgmental of people who make poor (in my opinion) financial decisions when I have a good idea how much money they make.
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AgEng06
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In reply to lotsofhp • 5:11p, 1/27/21
AG
lotsofhp said:
I'm very judgmental of people who make poor (in my opinion) financial decisions when I have a good idea how much money they make.
Sounds fun. Give us an example...
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4
SockDePot
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5:19p, 1/27/21
Can't

Stop

Boning

Mom's

Especially yours.
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SockDePot
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In reply to Claude! • 5:20p, 1/27/21
Claude! said:
Okay, I'll talk. In third grade I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade I stole my Uncle Max's toupe and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew school play. In fifth grade I knocked my sister Edith down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...


?
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THE_CHOSEN_ONE
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In reply to AgEng06 • 5:30p, 1/27/21
AgEng06 said:
lotsofhp said:
I'm very judgmental of people who make poor (in my opinion) financial decisions when I have a good idea how much money they make.
Sounds fun. Give us an example...

I've got a good one. Years ago a buddy and myself were broke as ****, so we started selling scrap metal and demolishing **** in order to make money. Our first big job we got, we made a few hundred grand and decided to spend a big portion of that on an African safari. People were like, "why didn't you invest that money back into the company?" And we were like, "because we wanted to go on an African safari and before now we were too poor to."
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et98
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5:34p, 1/27/21
AG
I once convinced a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it.
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42
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6:50p, 1/27/21
I don't tip at Sonic.
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Kevin83
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6:50p, 1/27/21
I **** the most.






Not really a negative, but more of a statement.
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Alte Schule
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6:55p, 1/27/21
When I was in 5th grade I had one of those barn with a silo/thermos lunchboxes. It came up missing one day and about a week later I saw a kid in another class with it. When I asked him to give it back he and his older brother (2x my size) laughed at me saying that their mother bought it for him.

I hatched a plan to get revenge. One night I waited in the ally behind his house and acting like a ninja I crept up on their back screened in porch and took a transistor radio. Mission accomplished.

About a week later I found my lunchbox in the garage. Never occurred to me to return the radio.



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lotsofhp
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In reply to AgEng06 • 7:23p, 1/27/21
AG
AgEng06 said:
lotsofhp said:
I'm very judgmental of people who make poor (in my opinion) financial decisions when I have a good idea how much money they make.
Sounds fun. Give us an example...


Like if I hear someone complain about money issues but then take a nice vacation or buy a new car.
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EFE
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7:46p, 1/27/21
AG
My family and I are bully's. Our signature move is to do something demeaning to someone and then exclaim "<family name> rules!!!"
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azul_rain
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In reply to HossAg • 8:48p, 1/27/21
I also hate kids
you may all go to hell and i will go to Texas
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azul_rain
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8:49p, 1/27/21
Staff
you may all go to hell and i will go to Texas
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javajaws
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9:08p, 1/27/21
AG
I like big butts and I can not lie.
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Swarely
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9:46p, 1/27/21
I'm friends with EFE.
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EFE
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In reply to Swarely • 9:47p, 1/27/21
AG
Swarely said:
I'm friends with EFE.

One like=One prayer
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TxSquarebody
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9:54p, 1/27/21
I once dropped a live armadillo through the open sunroof of a Porsche.
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Sports-Ag
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9:58p, 1/27/21
AG


The thread reminded me of this.
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Tom Kazansky 2012
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In reply to TxSquarebody • 10:31p, 1/27/21
AG
TxSquarebody said:
I once dropped a live armadillo through the open sunroof of a Porsche.


I'm not wealthy enough to drive a Porsche, so I have to slum it in my caddy.
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