Ok, I have two tied for first place:
1) Flew up to Green Bay for a site visit. Overnight we had a huge line of thunderstorms roll through. I finished what I needed to do the previous day, and my flight out wasn't until 2pmish. So I went to Denny's and indulged in a grand slam breakfast. When I rolled into the airport about 10:45am, the ticketing agent says "Oh great! You are here early. Your 2pm flight got cancelled because the plane was damaged by hail in the ground in Chicago. But we are boarding the earlier flight right now and I can put you on that one."
The plane was an old dual prop tail dragger of some sort, and as we are all getting settled, the captain comes on and says "The flying conditions on the backside of this front are going to be really rough, so everybody is going to have to stay seated for the whole flight." I still had Denny's belches coming back and was in no shape for a rough flight. We flew for about 40 minutes through what felt like a washing machine. The tail was kind of oscillating in a circle and we were not flight straight, but kind of angled about 10-15 degrees to the right of our direction of flight. I held my breakfast down and we eventually hit a patch of smooth air. The flight attendants were up and about checking on people at that point, and one of the pilots came back to talk to them (it was pre-9/11). He said "How many did we lose so far?" The stewardess said "None so far, but a few look close to it." The pilot says "Well, we have about 10 minutes of smooth air here, but the flights ahead of us have said th last 20 minutes into the airport are the worst."
So I hunkered down and prepared for what was coming. It was everything the pilot promised and worse... About 10 minutes into it, I had had enough and started reaching for my barf bag in the seat pocket...and there wasn't one. I am literally seconds from losing my breakfast and have nowhere to go with it. Luckily the passengers on either side of me realized what was up and both handed me their bags. I got one opened just in time to completely fill it up. I puked up everything I had eaten, and some food I probably was planning to eat later that day. The bag was so full that I couldn't close it more than one little fold without spilling, and it took both hands to hold it so that it wouldn't slosh out in the turbulence. So I had to sit there for 10 more minutes, plus the time it took to taxi and time for everybody ahead of me to get off the plane while holding this bag of warm puke and trying desperately not to spill it, because the cabin crew couldn't come get it. I felt most sorry for the people around me who had to sit and smell it because I am sure I was breathing out fumes, since I had no napkins and nothing to wash the flavor out of my mouth. To this day I am still pretty shocked that I didn't start a puke chain reaction.
2) Flying to Midland on Continental. They had been having problems for a few weeks with a batch of Dr. Peppers that were not the low pressurization versions the airlines usually get. I had watched a few flight attendants have them basically explode when they tried to open them during flight. Usually on that flight, they would hand you a cup of ice, crack the can open for you, and hand it to you. On this flight, they just handed me a cup of ice and the unopened can. I cracked it open, and got a volcano of Dr. Pepper shooting straight up out of the can, landing on the tray table, and then flowing straight back towards me to land on my crotch. I was wearing light colored field pants. Probably 80% of the contents of the can wound up in my lap. They handed me plenty of napkins to try to dry up a bit after the fact, but nothing was going to change the giant brown stained wet circle covering the whole crotch area of my pants. It was just a day trip, so I had no change of clothes with me. So I had to walk through the airport, rent my car, and walk through Walmart to buy new clothes with everybody staring at me and thinking I had pissed my own pants.
