The best part about being divorced is confirming that you aren't worthy of love to begin with.

NoahAg said:

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I'll never get divorced, but my parents divorced when we kids were 4, 6, and 8 I think. Fortunately we turned out ok.

I never harbored resentment toward them, and I'm still not sure who's more to blame. But as I've gotten older and have my own kids, I have more thoughts about how incredibly selfish they were for splitting up, especially as young as we were. I couldn't imagine doing that to my kids.

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That is selfish. I was miserable for years, but played the game, didn't fight with the wife (at least not in our Daughter's presence), and stuck around until until our Daughter was 22 and living on her own. I probably would have stayed even longer, but my wife pulled one too many fast ones and stabbed me in the back one too many times.

NoahAg said:

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I'll never get divorced, but my parents divorced when we kids were 4, 6, and 8 I think. Fortunately we turned out ok.

I never harbored resentment toward them, and I'm still not sure who's more to blame. But as I've gotten older and have my own kids, I have more thoughts about how incredibly selfish they were for splitting up, especially as young as we were. I couldn't imagine doing that to my kids.

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Think a lot depends on the environment. If your parents hide their issues well and suddenly just spring divorce on you - I can see the shock/resentment.

In my experience growing up and having to witness my parents fight, all the uncomfortable silences at meals, and just the complete lack of happiness in the household...it made me truly hate my adolescent years. I resented them for making my life so miserable and wished they had split up sooner. Once they divorced I could actually have some semblance of a relationship with them as individuals.

Were you there for undergrad? Was there for grad school. Don't really want to go into more detail than that to respect TexAgs anonymity.

BlueDeviledAg said:

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Were you there for undergrad? Was there for grad school. Don't really want to go into more detail than that to respect TexAgs anonymity.

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That still fits. How about this - does Rome, Georgia have any meaning to you?

Nope

BlueDeviledAg said:

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Nope

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Okay. Was worth a shot to see if you were a certain someone that also fits with being a Duke undergrad. Oh well.

I see quite a few women here in The Woodlands(especially my subdivsion) who have 3 or 4 very young kids who are now divorced. Just don't know if they were difficult to live with or he wants a newer taught model or if the husbands couldn't handle being dads...maybe a mix of all. Just find it selfish.

Rutedown said:

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I see quite a few women here in The Woodlands(especially my subdivsion) who have 3 or 4 very young kids who are now divorced. Just don't know if they were difficult to live with or if the husbands couldn't handle being dads...maybe a mix of both. Just find it selfish.

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Those chicks probably watched a lot of episodes of The Bachelor/Bachelotette. Sorry you live in The Woodlands.

Ignatius_of_Silesia said:

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Lexactly man.

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Little creepy

A friend of mine is going through a divorce and I'm not sure how he is going to survive it. He is an architect who has been married for forty years and his wife was a stay at home mom, a lifestyle they both preferred. They have three grown kids and have enjoyed a comfortable life in the suburbs for their entire marriage. She has never had a paying job. He made a very good living for awhile, but settled into a salaried job late in his career so he could get health care benefits for his family. He is 73 years old. His wife is in her mid 60's. Five years ago, he suffered a stroke (much more debilitating than the stroke I had at the same time). As a result, he can no longer drive, has memory and speech problems, and uses a cane to get around. He no longer works, and he lives on Social Security. His wife has been going through their savings like crazy: traveling, expensive clothes, picking up the tab for dinner with friends, etc. About a year ago, she filed for divorce. She didn't even try to hide the fact that it was because of his stroke. She told him that she was too young to give up on life, that she wanted to travel enjoy evenings out with friends and do all the things they did before his stroke. She said she has no interest in being his caregiver for the rest of her life. She literally told him that the stroke was his problem, not hers. She also informed him that she has a boyfriend who lives nearby, and they plan to get married as soon as the divorce is final. She has hired a very aggressive lawyer who seems determined to make sure that my friend is left homeless and penniless when this is all over. I've watched his health deteriorate over the past year as he goes through this, and I am convinced that is his wife's plan: if he dies before the divorce is final, it's a big payday for her and her boyfriend. This guy is the ultimate nice guy: helps out his friends, volunteers in the community, never has a bad thing to say about anyone. It's really tragic what is happening to him.

If I recall, about 90% of divorces are initiated by the woman. Most are for irreconcilable differences which screams resentment and lack of open and honest communication, and unwillingness to compromise.

If there is abuse or constant violations of trust with no repentance then divorce is justified. Outside that, it is usually a self interested utilitarian decision and most often because females are very pragmatic and driven to climb the resource/status ladder, and they perceive their opportunities outside the marriage are significantly better and worth the temporary problems it will cause. Don't blame me, this is what the data shows for no fault divorces. It may be because the guy is a slacker loser, or the woman is selfish and greedy, or somewhere in the middle, but in any case the woman perceives better opportunities outside the marriage and makes the call the great majority of the time.

So men, do the dishes sometimes, and be a good "catch" and that's 90% of the battle. If she can brag to her friends about you, at least sometimes, you're doing well.

And if it's some consolation, men do better on the resale market.

Rutedown said:

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I see quite a few women here in The Woodlands(especially my subdivsion) who have 3 or 4 very young kids who are now divorced. Just don't know if they were difficult to live with or he wants a newer taught model or if the husbands couldn't handle being dads...maybe a mix of all. Just find it selfish.

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Got any pics of these woman?

"Some people work for a living
Some people work for fun
Girl, I just work for you
They told me marriage was a give and take
Well, show me you can take you've got some giving to do
And now you tell me that you're having my baby
I'll tell you that I'm happy if you want me to
One step further and my back will break
If my best isn't good enough
Then how can it be good enough for two?"

The worst part is looking back and seeing all the signs. It's like watching a slow motion train wreck over and over and over.

Knowing what was done, and how oblivious you were to all of it makes it difficult for the wound to heal.

Once your trust is broken, I've found it difficult to trust since.

You quickly realize that the resale market consists of rejects, misfits and miss fits. Also, the idea of a soulmate is a myth.

chipotle said:

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"Some people work for a living
Some people work for fun
Girl, I just work for you
They told me marriage was a give and take
Well, show me you can take you've got some giving to do
And now you tell me that you're having my baby
I'll tell you that I'm happy if you want me to
One step further and my back will break
If my best isn't good enough
Then how can it be good enough for two?"

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SOMEBODY TELL ME, WHY I WORK SO HARD FOR YOUUUUU

BostonAg74 said:

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A friend of mine is going through a divorce and I'm not sure how he is going to survive it. He is an architect who has been married for forty years and his wife was a stay at home mom, a lifestyle they both preferred. They have three grown kids and have enjoyed a comfortable life in the suburbs for their entire marriage. She has never had a paying job. He made a very good living for awhile, but settled into a salaried job late in his career so he could get health care benefits for his family. He is 73 years old. His wife is in her mid 60's. Five years ago, he suffered a stroke (much more debilitating than the stroke I had at the same time). As a result, he can no longer drive, has memory and speech problems, and uses a cane to get around. He no longer works, and he lives on Social Security. His wife has been going through their savings like crazy: traveling, expensive clothes, picking up the tab for dinner with friends, etc. About a year ago, she filed for divorce. She didn't even try to hide the fact that it was because of his stroke. She told him that she was too young to give up on life, that she wanted to travel enjoy evenings out with friends and do all the things they did before his stroke. She said she has no interest in being his caregiver for the rest of her life. She literally told him that the stroke was his problem, not hers. She also informed him that she has a boyfriend who lives nearby, and they plan to get married as soon as the divorce is final. She has hired a very aggressive lawyer who seems determined to make sure that my friend is left homeless and penniless when this is all over. I've watched his health deteriorate over the past year as he goes through this, and I am convinced that is his wife's plan: if he dies before the divorce is final, it's a big payday for her and her boyfriend. This guy is the ultimate nice guy: helps out his friends, volunteers in the community, never has a bad thing to say about anyone. It's really tragic what is happening to him.

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That is freaking horrible. You would think infidelity in this case would play a role. He should call the cops on her for spousal abuse. Make something up.

BostonAg74 said:

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A friend of mine is going through a divorce and I'm not sure how he is going to survive it. He is an architect who has been married for forty years and his wife was a stay at home mom, a lifestyle they both preferred. They have three grown kids and have enjoyed a comfortable life in the suburbs for their entire marriage. She has never had a paying job. He made a very good living for awhile, but settled into a salaried job late in his career so he could get health care benefits for his family. He is 73 years old. His wife is in her mid 60's. Five years ago, he suffered a stroke (much more debilitating than the stroke I had at the same time). As a result, he can no longer drive, has memory and speech problems, and uses a cane to get around. He no longer works, and he lives on Social Security. His wife has been going through their savings like crazy: traveling, expensive clothes, picking up the tab for dinner with friends, etc. About a year ago, she filed for divorce. She didn't even try to hide the fact that it was because of his stroke. She told him that she was too young to give up on life, that she wanted to travel enjoy evenings out with friends and do all the things they did before his stroke. She said she has no interest in being his caregiver for the rest of her life. She literally told him that the stroke was his problem, not hers. She also informed him that she has a boyfriend who lives nearby, and they plan to get married as soon as the divorce is final. She has hired a very aggressive lawyer who seems determined to make sure that my friend is left homeless and penniless when this is all over. I've watched his health deteriorate over the past year as he goes through this, and I am convinced that is his wife's plan: if he dies before the divorce is final, it's a big payday for her and her boyfriend. This guy is the ultimate nice guy: helps out his friends, volunteers in the community, never has a bad thing to say about anyone. It's really tragic what is happening to him.

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what a ****ing *****...

I wonder what the children think...

Moms probably manipulated them too.

The worst part is looking back and seeing all the signs. It's like watching a slow motion train wreck over and over and over.

Knowing what was done, and how oblivious you were to all of it makes it difficult for the wound to heal.

Once your trust is broken, I've found it difficult to trust since.


THIS, is the tough part. 34 yrs. together, 3 good son's that do well and provide for themselves, adorable grandkids. I had to move out of my hometown, it just was'nt comfortable anymore. Both of us had invested well and very close to retirement. She had a couple of divorced friends that had gotten face, boob, lipo jobs done and I think she wanted to feel the young life again. Neither of us were perfect and I have to think the Facebook phenomena had something to do with her change. It's tough coming to terms with this but divorce was the best investment I have ever made. My cholesterol dropped 41 pts to161, a1c from 8 to 6.1, retired & see my grandbabies, fish, hunt, travel, get to come see Aggie games. Life is good, I woke up another day! Gig em!

I was married for a long time and had issues with my wife off and on for years. We had two kids that are exceptional academically. We were divorce when they were 14 and they are now in excelling in college. They already had their own schedules and interests by the time we divorce and had full schedules that consumed their time. The ex has done everything she could to turn them against me and was somewhat successful in certain areas. That is the hard part and it is something that I work on with the kids. I believe she has a certain level of being bi-polar that she still hasnt addressed. She came to me 6 months after the divorce to make sure that we were still going to "grow old together". WTF?!?! Yes she actually said that and wouldnt leave my house until I told her that, "We'll have to see about that." Meaning, "Are you effing crazy?!?!"

The rest has been amazing. I realized that I am not the bad guy that she always said that I was and have had a number of lady friends that would confirm that. I have had a LOT of amazing experience with what can be considered a large number of female companions. I think I have been proposed to or offered co-habitation 6 times or so. I have had a couple of relationships that have lasted over a year or year and a half each and am currently in a great relationship with a wonderful lade. I have gone to places my ex wouldve never wanted to go. I go to Europe once or twice a year and have never gotten into an argument with raised voice with anyone I have dated. I have new friends that I travel with and spend time with for holidays when the kids arent around.

For those that are married to people without any type of mental illness that is a great thing. Until you are in someone elses shoes you have no idea what other people's lives can be like and should not judge others without personally experiencing their journey.

As for the retired architect...his wife can only get half and I dont believe she is eligible for alimony since he doesnt work. If they have a home, they will sell it and each get half. His wife is a biatch and should be ashamed of herself. I would use that fact that she has a boyfriend during the divorce negotiation. My $.02.

It is trading one bad set of circumstances for another that you hope are less bad.

**** this thread is depressing as hell.

Well divorce sucks for all involved, especially the children.

Someone should post pics of total babes they'd never divorce.

I don't mean to make light of your situation and I'm glad that you are happy, but this paragraph is much better if you read it in a Fargo/North Dakota/Minnesota accent.

Quote:

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The rest has been amazing. I realized that I am not the bad guy that she always said that I was and have had a number of lady friends that would confirm that. I have had a LOT of amazing experience with what can be considered a large number of female companions. I think I have been proposed to or offered co-habitation 6 times or so. I have had a couple of relationships that have lasted over a year or year and a half each and am currently in a great relationship with a wonderful lade.

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redline248 said:

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Studies indicate that living together before marriage can increase the chances of divorce after marriage (not a perfect predictor). While not married, all the stuff that bothers each other is minimized bc "I can always leave." Once married, that stuff gets amplified and the couples never learned how to deal with it.

Or they moved in together to save on rent, or some reason that's not all that important. "We always were at each other's place, anyway, so it made sense." There is also the chance that they marry bc it's easier than moving out. Then they eventually realize they settled and didn't love each other.

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That is interesting. After dating for a year, my ex girl friend wanted to move in. I said no, I do not see why that is necessary. She broke up with me, a few weeks later, got back together, then broke for good a couple of months later.

Forum Troll said:

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**** this thread is depressing as hell.

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It should be. Divorce is hell.

Big Cat `93 said:

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Forum Troll said:

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**** this thread is depressing as hell.

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It should be. Divorce is hell.

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Yep. It shook me to my ****ing core.

Talon2DSO said:

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Big Cat `93 said:

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Forum Troll said:

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**** this thread is depressing as hell.

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It should be. Divorce is hell.

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Yep. It shook me to my ****ing core.

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Me too.

There's definitely life on the other side of divorce, but when it hits you unexpectedly it's a helluva shock.

This is also true. I'm just starting to see the light at the other end of the tunnel. I didn't feel better about it until I killed off the hope of ever getting back together again. Once that thought was laid to rest, I felt better about moving on.

At least I'm learning things. I got married in January to my wife whom I met freshman year in undergrad, we've been more or less inseparable since then. We're both catholic but divorce is terrifying to me. I don't have a single couple on my side that has stayed together for a significant period of time, other than my grandparents who are in the process of divorcing currently.