Do you have children? Did your life honestly improve greatly after it was finalized? Did your kids have trouble understanding and coping? Any regrets?

(Edit for typo correction.)

No children. No regrets. I think it's just like being single if you were married less than 5 or 6 years. The actual divorce process blows though.

Go on....

as my brother says, "divorce is expensive, but worth every penny."

Eh, it sucks, but you live and you learn. Try not to make the same mistakes in the future and hope future love interest doesn't do you dirty like the last one.

Sucks for the kids. Will never go away

Is it always irreconcilable differences?

Its devastating. It eviscerates you and leaves you empty wishing for death but death never comes. So you stay up at night looking up how to get her back. Theres nothing that will ever bring her back. All you can do is focus on yourself and face the demons that brought you here in the first place. The demons you masked during your courtship and the ones that grew with your insecurities. They all become so overwhelming, you have no choice but to face them or drive yourself nuts.

Talon2DSO said:

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Its devastating. It eviscerates you and leaves you empty wishing for death but death never comes. So you stay up at night looking up how to get her back. Theres nothing that will ever bring her back. All you can do is focus on yourself and face the demons that brought you here in the first place. The demons you masked during your courtship and the ones that grew with your insecurities. They all become so overwhelming, you have no choice but to face them or drive yourself nuts.

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Do you think she feels the same? If so then why get divorced?
If not, then you should tell yourself what existed has gone and that you should move on.

I'd recommend handling this question before handling the question posed on the RE board.

It gutted me pretty good for awhile but life moved on. Married for 10 years and had 2 kids. I wouldn't say it was better, just different. The kids took it really really hard and it was manifested in their attitudes and school performance. One of my kids quit playing club soccer as well, which was strange because she seemed to really enjoy it.

The kids adjusted ok after the first year and life for me got better. Attitude improved for all of us after we got in the groove. There were plenty of things I filled my time with when I didn't have the kids and I kind of found myself again, so to speak. I went to a ton of country concerts and even started playing guitar myself. I got very active in church and in my faith in general, which continues to this day.

I missed being a family though. That never went away.

Stay close to friends and family and talk to people when you're feeling down. You'll get through it.

Most people who get divorced know it's eventually going to happen within about 6 months of getting married. Some can't even last more than a year or two, and some others gut it out for 15-20 years.....but after about 6 months of marriage, most knew deep down it was inevitable.

18 years and going strong. It's cheaper to keep'er.

It's fantastic. I highly recommend it.

7 years. No kids. Hard as hell at first but im in a better place in my life now. I still miss his family. They were great

Not asking for me! Haha I appreciate your concern though.

Life is never so bad that it can't get worse.

All of your past happy memories turn to sad memories. All of your sad memories either turn to anger or numbness. There is no joy.

HARVEY THE WONDER HAMSTER said:

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Most people who get divorced know it's eventually going to happen within about 6 months of getting married. Some can't even last more than a year or two, and some others gut it out for 15-20 years.....but after about 6 months of marriage, most knew deep down it was inevitable.

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What I don't understand is in the US, people date for a long time, move in together for an extended period of time of a few years. Then they get married and hate each other in 6 months. How does this work?

Among arranged marriages in the rest of the world, this is understandable because you meet the person only a few times before the wedding and then you work to make it work.

Logically the US marriages should work, and the ROW marriages should not.

Win At Life said:

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All of your past happy memories turn to sad memories. All of your sad memories either turn to anger or numbness. There is no joy.

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Yes, and do divorced people destroy artifacts with their ex-spouse? Like wedding album, vacation photos etc?

BombayAg said:

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Win At Life said:

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All of your past happy memories turn to sad memories. All of your sad memories either turn to anger or numbness. There is no joy.

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Yes, and do divorced people destroy artifacts with their ex-spouse? Like wedding album, vacation photos etc?

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I did. It was sad, but keeping them made no sense.

I don't know what it's like to be divorced. But based on my experience as a stepmom of almost 10 years, I can tell you this: I wouldn't willingly divorce my husband, barring very extreme circumstances. I've seen what divorce has done to my stepkids and I wouldn't put my daughter through that. If it did happen for whatever reason, I wouldn't even consider dating or remarrying until she was grown.

but, on the other hand, people who stay together because they have kids...

I guess its the lesser of two evils...

Seems to depend on the family. I know several people whose parents divorced after they were grown who say things like "I wish they'd just ripped that bandaid off when I was 5 because they were miserable and made everyone else in the house miserable staying together for the kids."

No children, but 7+ years after my divorce, I'm still amazed at the collateral damage it caused for me personally, my family, my fellow church members, and a couple of my co-workers. It is worse than I can accurately convey in a message board post.

I think it depends on the couple and how well they can coexist civilly. Obviously if they're abusive to one another, then kids shouldn't grow up like that. But even so, kids will romanticize having an intact family and wish for it all the time. Even if they have very loving stepparents. At least in my experience.

NWE said:

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Not asking for me! Haha I appreciate your concern though.

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Oh thank goodness. I mean, who'd want to live in Wylie??

PrincessButtercup said:

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BombayAg said:

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Win At Life said:

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All of your past happy memories turn to sad memories. All of your sad memories either turn to anger or numbness. There is no joy.

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Yes, and do divorced people destroy artifacts with their ex-spouse? Like wedding album, vacation photos etc?

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I did. It was sad, but keeping them made no sense.

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I imagine that it was about the hardest thing you have done. It signifies the irreversible death of the relationship. But I think it gives closure.

Studies indicate that living together before marriage can increase the chances of divorce after marriage (not a perfect predictor). While not married, all the stuff that bothers each other is minimized bc "I can always leave." Once married, that stuff gets amplified and the couples never learned how to deal with it.

Or they moved in together to save on rent, or some reason that's not all that important. "We always were at each other's place, anyway, so it made sense." There is also the chance that they marry bc it's easier than moving out. Then they eventually realize they settled and didn't love each other.

I'll tell you in about ten days.

Does that take into account the fact that people who are deeply religious are both unlikely to live together before marriage and unlikely to divorce even if things get really awful?