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Divorced people, how long did it take you to get back in the game?
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Last: 9 yr ago by Pirate04
quote:
So for those divorced what led to it, cheating or other things? How long were you severely fighting for prior to the divorce decision being made?
For us it was other things. We tried to go to counseling, etc but she didn't show up to the first one. Hell we never fought which was my biggest problem Bc we couldn't ever talk about it. We didn't have kids so that wasn't a factor. Although she was totally against it after I said the word first she acted on it within 48 hours. So she knew what was up.
quote:
So for those divorced what led to it, cheating or other things? How long were you severely fighting for prior to the divorce decision being made?
Cheating and other things. The ex basically acted like a single person with no kids for over a year. Got tired of that ****.
quote:/bohica
The day my divorce was final I pawned my wedding ring and bought a bottle of tequila and nailed one 10 years younger ! I had been married over 8 years . Oh I spent the first two weeks feeling torn up until I realized she was the one screwing around. Then I woke up.
"Back in the game" varies for many. Not long before seeing anyone but stumbled a bit for anything serious. I think any exclusive dating commitment a year or two and even then baby steps.
and sorry to hear that, BS.
People who get divorced because of the stress of parenting are weak ass people.
Divorced after 23 years and 4 kids. Nasty divorce and it took close to two years. Cause was not cheating but I think that would have been easier to deal with. My ex started dating publicly a few months into the divorce and re-married a few months after the divorce was final. I'm still trying to get back in the game (12 years), but it is difficult for an older woman. Good luck to you OP and take your time to find the right person.
quote:
So for those divorced what led to it, cheating or other things? How long were you severely fighting for prior to the divorce decision being made?
Other things. I wouldn't say a ton of fighting but complete indifference to eachother. Neither were willing to give on a particular issue.
Got married and had a kid right after college. She always complained about not being able to do stuff that our other friends could. Our kids are 9 & 11 and none of our friends started families as early as we did. I enjoyed being a family and hanging out with my kids. She apparently didn't share the same point of view.
It's been hard on my kids and that's probably where most of my anger stemmed from over the last few years. We didn't argue in front of them and they were a little surprised when we told them. For 6 months I couldn't even look at a woman and think anyone was attractive. I was just in a weird spot.
Things are much better now personally though. Just moving on.
I realize even more now that some people can't appreciate what they have sometimes and I can't control what someone else wants to do.
It's been hard on my kids and that's probably where most of my anger stemmed from over the last few years. We didn't argue in front of them and they were a little surprised when we told them. For 6 months I couldn't even look at a woman and think anyone was attractive. I was just in a weird spot.
Things are much better now personally though. Just moving on.
I realize even more now that some people can't appreciate what they have sometimes and I can't control what someone else wants to do.
quote:This sounds so painful. Have you tried counseling? Perhaps you're still trying to figure out something that should be more forgotten about. Sorry to hear this. 12 years is too long
Divorced after 23 years and 4 kids. Nasty divorce and it took close to two years. Cause was not cheating but I think that would have been easier to deal with. My ex started dating publicly a few months into the divorce and re-married a few months after the divorce was final. I'm still trying to get back in the game (12 years), but it is difficult for an older woman. Good luck to you OP and take your time to find the right person.
quote:Needlessly crude.
23 years of marriage, and 12 since? May I interest you in a cat or dozen?
Was married for 16 years. She asked for divorce in July 2009, I proposed counseling and reconciling. She agreed and we tried for a bit, but in the end she just wasn't able - in this regard I appreciated her honesty. Looking back, don't think she cheated, but do think she checked out emotionally some time before divorce was requested. Thankfully no kids between us to bear that burden.
I relocated with employer from Dallas to San Antonio, which helped quite a bit. Divorce was finalized in February 2010, but felt like I had already been emotionally divorced from the time of her request. Started some casual dating in July of 2010, then met a particular girl in September 2010. Got serious a few months later, married in December 2013.
I relocated with employer from Dallas to San Antonio, which helped quite a bit. Divorce was finalized in February 2010, but felt like I had already been emotionally divorced from the time of her request. Started some casual dating in July of 2010, then met a particular girl in September 2010. Got serious a few months later, married in December 2013.
quote:While they are waiting at age 55 for their kids to get home from the prom, you and the missus would be on the beach in the Bahamas with kids out of college.
Got married and had a kid right after college. She always complained about not being able to do stuff that our other friends could. Our kids are 9 & 11 and none of our friends started families as early as we did. I enjoyed being a family and hanging out with my kids. She apparently didn't share the same point of view.
It's been hard on my kids and that's probably where most of my anger stemmed from over the last few years. We didn't argue in front of them and they were a little surprised when we told them. For 6 months I couldn't even look at a woman and think anyone was attractive. I was just in a weird spot.
Things are much better now personally though. Just moving on.
I realize even more now that some people can't appreciate what they have sometimes and I can't control what someone else wants to do.
quote:quote:This sounds so painful. Have you tried counseling? Perhaps you're still trying to figure out something that should be more forgotten about. Sorry to hear this. 12 years is too long
Divorced after 23 years and 4 kids. Nasty divorce and it took close to two years. Cause was not cheating but I think that would have been easier to deal with. My ex started dating publicly a few months into the divorce and re-married a few months after the divorce was final. I'm still trying to get back in the game (12 years), but it is difficult for an older woman. Good luck to you OP and take your time to find the right person.
It's a complicated situation. IDK what the poster's exact situation is, but dating again when you have kids is really hard on women, especially as you get older. I'm mid-thirties and it's been very eye-opening who men between the ages of 35-50 want to date. I can understand a single/no-kids guy wanting to date a younger woman, especially if he wants kids. But when divorced men between 35-50 (many with kids) say they want women in their twenties and tell you that there is no way a woman 35+ could possibly "keep up with them" dating isn't an enjoyable experience.
Also, there is a stigma associated with single-mom dating. No woman wants to be known as the mom who paraded a bunch of men in and out of her kid's life. It's even harder when the ex dates and remarries quickly and/or has his own parade of GFs. There is a huge pressure to maintain a stable family home for your kid(s), especially when the ex seems to be doing the opposite. I'm not saying women don't do it, but overall, my single mom friends are VERY conservative when it comes to dating. I'll be honest, many of us have almost given up, at least until the kid(s) is off to college. Maybe then by then we'll be interested in the AARP crowd (who seem to be the only ones interested when you're a mid-30s and older single mom).
My husband asked me out a few months into his separation and I told him to get back to me when the divorce was final. He dated some other people in the interim, but came back to me the week after his divorce was final - they had been separated for a year total.
Things obviously worked out because we're married now, BUT I think that it was still too soon for him and it caused some issues when we were dating. HIs divorce was far from amicable and emotions (anger specifically) between him and his ex were too raw. I sometimes have wondered if we could have avoided a lot of heartache if he had just held off dating for like 6 more months. But then, who knows? We might not be together at all if that had been the case.
I don't know that there's any right answer to this question, but I will say that two years sounds like a healthy amount of time to grieve and begin healing.
Things obviously worked out because we're married now, BUT I think that it was still too soon for him and it caused some issues when we were dating. HIs divorce was far from amicable and emotions (anger specifically) between him and his ex were too raw. I sometimes have wondered if we could have avoided a lot of heartache if he had just held off dating for like 6 more months. But then, who knows? We might not be together at all if that had been the case.
I don't know that there's any right answer to this question, but I will say that two years sounds like a healthy amount of time to grieve and begin healing.
quote:
If you have a divorce party, don't invite nuRowdy bc he will just pass out at the bar right when you're making headway with a girl, then you'll spend the next two hours getting him back to the hotel room
Making note of this
Does it depend on who initiates? I think so.
Took six months for my first serious relationship, but it was a total rebound and too soon. I was a mess mentally after she filed, though, cause the ex-wife divorced me cause she had met someone else (and ultimately married him 3 months after the divorce was final). The first meaningful relationship I got into was 2.5 years later (which is the one I'm in now), which is probably a healthier amount of time to truly get over it.
IMHO, though, it varies from person to person depending on the length of marriage, to how the actual divorce process went down.
IMHO, though, it varies from person to person depending on the length of marriage, to how the actual divorce process went down.
quote:Stop talking about me! I will be 55 when he goes to his senior prom!quote:While they are waiting at age 55 for their kids to get home from the prom, you and the missus would be on the beach in the Bahamas with kids out of college.
Got married and had a kid right after college. She always complained about not being able to do stuff that our other friends could. Our kids are 9 & 11 and none of our friends started families as early as we did. I enjoyed being a family and hanging out with my kids. She apparently didn't share the same point of view.
It's been hard on my kids and that's probably where most of my anger stemmed from over the last few years. We didn't argue in front of them and they were a little surprised when we told them. For 6 months I couldn't even look at a woman and think anyone was attractive. I was just in a weird spot.
Things are much better now personally though. Just moving on.
I realize even more now that some people can't appreciate what they have sometimes and I can't control what someone else wants to do.
quote:Thanks for the cat offer but I am a dog person! You are just too funny for words (at least words that as a lady I would not use).quote:Needlessly crude.
23 years of marriage, and 12 since? May I interest you in a cat or dozen?
I have done counseling not only for the divorce but for one of my children dying.. I have been raising the 3 living children with degrees from A&M and graduate degrees (lawyer and pastor). The youngest is still in college. The post about difficulty for women in the 30-55 range in dating because men in those age groups want 20 year olds is accurate! In turn I don't want to date a 70 something old man who is ready to sit on the front porch and wait to die! I have dated some but it just wasn't a priority as I didn't need someone to take care of me! It will happen when the time is right.
Married 8 years, divorced officially 3 after trying to work things out for a year. Still don't think I'm ready. Mostly because I would have to force myself to make time for a relationship and I enjoy doing things with my kids more at this point.
If I might be so bold as to pry about these divorces after 15+ years of marriage....HOW does this happen? I understand getting divorced over cheating but I cannot wrap my head around what kind of circumstances 'pop up' after this much time together that lead to complete destruction of the marriage. Are they things that were issues at 5 years of marriage that everyone just push under the rug? Im genuinely interested in this....I almost can't even understand 10 years but let's focus on 15+. What in the world happened and how is it not fixable?
My parents have been married for 34 years. My sister and I have been wishing they would divorce for the past 17. Their relationship is toxic but they were raised in a different generation and with a strong cultural ideology that says "stay together no matter what".
It's been 16 years since my mother died.
I think my dad has been on two dates.
He says he married her until he dies, not her.
He needs a wife or a girlfriend.
I think my dad has been on two dates.
He says he married her until he dies, not her.
He needs a wife or a girlfriend.
quote:Interests change, lack of communication, "grow apart", you don't marry their family but the family sure is a big issue, different parenting styles, boredom, crappy intimacy, etc.......
If I might be so bold as to pry about these divorces after 15+ years of marriage....HOW does this happen? I understand getting divorced over cheating but I cannot wrap my head around what kind of circumstances 'pop up' after this much time together that lead to complete destruction of the marriage. Are they things that were issues at 5 years of marriage that everyone just push under the rug? Im genuinely interested in this....I almost can't even understand 10 years but let's focus on 15+. What in the world happened and how is it not fixable?
quote:Sometimes, as life goes with kids, establishing a career, and everything else, you grow apart. In the back of your mind you may recognize it, but for whatever reason, it's not addressed -- too many other 'priorities of life' to tend to.
If I might be so bold as to pry about these divorces after 15+ years of marriage....HOW does this happen? I understand getting divorced over cheating but I cannot wrap my head around what kind of circumstances 'pop up' after this much time together that lead to complete destruction of the marriage. Are they things that were issues at 5 years of marriage that everyone just push under the rug? Im genuinely interested in this....I almost can't even understand 10 years but let's focus on 15+. What in the world happened and how is it not fixable?
In the meantime, you slowly grow more apart.
Then one day it hits.
quote:
If I might be so bold as to pry about these divorces after 15+ years of marriage....HOW does this happen? I understand getting divorced over cheating but I cannot wrap my head around what kind of circumstances 'pop up' after this much time together that lead to complete destruction of the marriage. Are they things that were issues at 5 years of marriage that everyone just push under the rug? Im genuinely interested in this....I almost can't even understand 10 years but let's focus on 15+. What in the world happened and how is it not fixable?
Wife gets fat
quote:quote:
If I might be so bold as to pry about these divorces after 15+ years of marriage....HOW does this happen? I understand getting divorced over cheating but I cannot wrap my head around what kind of circumstances 'pop up' after this much time together that lead to complete destruction of the marriage. Are they things that were issues at 5 years of marriage that everyone just push under the rug? Im genuinely interested in this....I almost can't even understand 10 years but let's focus on 15+. What in the world happened and how is it not fixable?
Wife gets fat
Or goes lesbo
quote:
My parents have been married for 34 years. My sister and I have been wishing they would divorce for the past 17. Their relationship is toxic but they were raised in a different generation and with a strong cultural ideology that says "stay together no matter what".
My parents were married 20 years and made each other miserable. They'd separated a few times throughout my childhood, but always got back together. When they finally divorced (after I was already out of the house), my siblings and I were SO relieved. Now they've been apart for 15 years and are actually pretty friendly since the grandchildren came along. We can all get together for holidays and family events and there is no tension at all. That never would have happened if they had stayed together.
If you are asking this board, then you are probably not ready. At least, probably not ready for a serious relationship.... which is fine.
Dating for adult companionship is one thing but you are also role-modelling for your children... and they will remember - everything!
Dating for adult companionship is one thing but you are also role-modelling for your children... and they will remember - everything!
Srs post is srs
I met my ex-wife in college and we had a blast together. We shared lots of interests and we're always able to enjoy each other's company. I was warned by a few people that she might not be the most trustworthy/loyal of people, but I ignored their warnings. Her dad had been married 4 times and her mom had a man living with her for ten years while he was still married to his wife. She cheated on me within the first year of dating, but didn't tell me about it until two weeks before our wedding. We got married almost immediately after graduation and moved to Houston. After getting married so many things changed. We were always fighting, never able to have a good time together and then she started making some weird changes. Converted to Buddhism, making fun of me wanting to watch football (not cool) and other weird small changes. I told her I wanted a divorce after I found out she had been cheating on me while we were married. This was about 18 months ago and I am starting to come out of hiding and dating a little bit, but am having a hard time being interested in dating.
Tldr - married a *****, started dating a year and a half after divorce.
Tldr - married a *****, started dating a year and a half after divorce.
quote:
men in those age groups want 20 year olds
Not really. Maybe for a poke, but not for a relationship.
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