women are f'in impossible to understand.


carry on.

True, true......

You're not supposed to argue with 'em unless you're right.

therein lies the problem, peter. [/circuit city commercial]

Here ya go Ragin'...........

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,
"Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports
required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I
can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would
honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

The Rules

GUIDE: For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get no points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed ...........................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1

You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the snow...................................................+8
but return with beer..........................................-5
and no liners................................................-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her cat.................................................-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party............. 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy......-2
Named Tiffany.....................................-4
Tiffany is a dancer..............................-10
With breast implants.............................-18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday................................0
You buy a card and flowers...............................0
You take her out to dinner.............................. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..........................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team....-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal.........................................0
The pal is happily married...........................+1
The pal is single....................................-7
He drives a Ferrari.................................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie...................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.........+4
You take her to a movie you hate..........+6
You take her to a movie you like..........-2
It's called Death Cop 3...................-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it......+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and b**** Hawaiian shirts..........-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too"...-800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding......-10
You reply, "Where?".............................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your xxx".........-100
Any other response..............................-20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen,displaying a concerned expression............0
You listen, for over 30 minutes .....................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.......+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "Well, what do you think I should do ?".......-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV......+ 60
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep....... - 100

you're never right

this may not apply but this is a truism concerning the opposite sex:
"no matter how hot she is, no matter how smart she is, no matter how rich she is; somebody somewhere is sick of her $8it."

quote:

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women are f'in impossible to understand.

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How long have you been trying?

Go means stop. Stop means why. Why means the cat has tape worms............. It doesn't go away Ragin.

[This message has been edited by Fishing Fools (edited 6/21/2005 12:37a).]

Ragin, if you need some advice on dealilng with women, let me know...

quote:

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Ragin, if you need some advice on dealilng with women, let me know...

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Pu**y advice?

BWAAHAAAHAAHAAHHAAAA

Patch is right - get advice on women from a g a y man.

being gay and %*#@ing cats are 2 different things

This brings back memories of one of the greatest threads of all time. Marriages are made in heaven or in hell.

I saw a cosby show episode once where Cosby was telling his son in law how to deal with women: anytime there is conflict or resistance with a woman, you immediately throw your hands up, palms facing her, turn your head away from her and look at the ground and say "OK,OK,OK. Your right." Or it went something along the lines of that.

women want everything. men are simple. we only want 3 things: food, sex, and silence. feed us, f' us, shut the f' up [/chris rock]

quote:

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women are f'in impossible to understand.

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It sounds like you've reached a healthy conclusion, here... this is the breakthrough that will allow you to quit trying to understand women.

They work off emotion, not logic, so your efforts are futile. You might as well try to draw the direct path of a subatomic particle; it can't be done.

Women have to be in the mood. Men have to be in the room.

Gig 'em Aggies!

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho

quote:

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You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..........................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team....-10

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see, the responses here are what scares the hell outta me with us maybe havin a freakin woman as POTUS.

she comes in one morning with a case of the ass cause she's pre-menstrual , or maybe she's goin through the change of life and in a brutal mood.

In comes the secretary of defense with some s h i t about our embassy in china is being protested, and she doesnt even hesitate, she just gets on the phone and says to the silo commander. launch at will.

Women in that kind of control and that kind of position are dangerous, do ya hear, for that very reason.

they are too fckin emotional for anybodys good.which in turn makes them crazy as damn road lizards and cant be trusted to do the righ thing.I dont think i would sleep well with a woman President.

[This message has been edited by DayAg! (edited 6/21/2005 9:48a).]

[This message has been edited by DayAg! (edited 6/21/2005 9:49a).]

Congratulations on all being douche bags...both women and men are very complicated, and we are very opposite of each other. But sitting around complaining about us and saying we're complicated won't help you figure us out. Get out of your houses and try to figure it out...don't sit around in front of your computers and anonymously b*tch about it while watching your sports game and making your beer belly and ass bigger.

[This message has been edited by AnywhereButHome (edited 6/21/2005 8:39p).]

Shut it, feminazi.

Go make me a samich!

Oh, aren't you clever....btw, don't tell me to shut it. Grow up.

You registered to respond to this thread?

I'm betting no one has ever described you as "low maintenance".

[This message has been edited by ttechguy (edited 6/21/2005 8:45p).]

Shutup, get your fat azz back to the general board and bake me a pie or something.

Go make me a "samich?"

Rightttt....why don't you go back a couple hundred years...that's not a woman's place anymore. If you didn't have such a fat lazy ass you could get up and make it yourself. But since you are such a fat ass, maybe you should starve yourself a little so you could lose some weight. Then maybe you could get a woman. Oh wait, you don't deserve one. Sorry.

Yes, I did register to reply to this thread. I think it's very sad that you sit around on your computers to talk about women. I'm also a size zero. Definitely not a fat ass.

Yeah, I'm 16, and not interested in that. Sorry.

Shut up you fat . Don't you have to go talk on the phone, protest **** you don't know anything about, or cry about stupid ****? Our clothes better not be wrinkled or there will be hell to pay. Hell to pay.

[This message has been edited by grego (edited 6/21/2005 8:54p).]

[This message has been edited by TexAgs staff (edited 7/2/2005 10:45a).]

Even better after the edit, grego.



Go bake me a pie while I watch the Finals.

quote:

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and not interested in that

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Well isn't that just terribly shocking?

....

[This message has been edited by AggieBand2004 (edited 6/21/2005 9:17p).]