Co-Worker just hit me with an aggie joke....need a good longhorn one to fire back.

To make this Aggie FB related....BTHO Baylor.

Just tell him theres a biblical precedent concerning what happens to people who worship cows.

How do you get an UT graduate off your porch?






Pay him for the pizza

How many UT football players does it take to change a light bulb?..........Only one. But he gets three credit hours, a new car, and about $5,000 in cash for it.

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Just tell him theres a biblical precedent concerning what happens to people who worship cows.

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in which he sould reply that there MUST be something biblical against intimacy involving humans and sheep.

[This message has been edited by TexasBorn (edited 10/24/2006 3:21p).]

How man longhorn fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

4

1 to screw in the lightbulb
2 to talk about how great the lighbulbs were when daryl k royal was there
and 1 more to walk away half way through

"You think the carpet pissers did this?"

So this drunk steer walks into a library and says to the lady at the desk, "Give me a beer and some fish and chips!"

I forget how the rest goes?

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1 more to walk away half way through

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and one to leave early I think is how the punchline goes

2 Aggies and a Longhorn were at dinner with their girlfriends. When the food arrived the first Aggie said, "pass the sugar, Sugar." The 2nd Aggie said, "please pass the honey, Honey." The Longhorn said to his "lady", "pass the pork, pig."

That is all I got, sorry

[This message has been edited by LCA144 (edited 10/24/2006 3:27p).]

Why does Texas wear orange? its the colors their team is used to wearing, except it usually says COUNTY JAIL on the front.

[This message has been edited by ElmoAg09 (edited 10/24/2006 3:27p).]

FIFY

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2 Aggies and a Longhorn were at dinner with their girlfriends. When the food arrived the first Aggie said, "pass the sugar, Sugar." The 2nd Aggie said, "please pass the honey, Honey." The Longhorn said to his lady, "pass the tea, bag!"

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last post goes with it's now "book'em" not "hook'em".

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2 Aggies and a Longhorn were at dinner with their girlfriends. When the food arrived the first Aggie said, "pass the sugar, Sugar." The 2nd Aggie said, "please pass the honey, Honey." The Longhorn said to his "lady", "pass the pork, pig."

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Sounds like a converted Razorback joke...

There's an Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Baylor Bear that all just broke out of jail. They went to hide out in an old animal warehouse. The Aggie and Bear each hid in a box and the Longhorn hid in a bag. The police walked in and knocked on the Aggie box. With plenty of experience working with livestock, the Aggie replied, "Moo!" The police said, "Oh, it's just a cow." After knocking on the Bear's box, the Bear instinctively replied, "Grrrroooowwwwlllll!" The police said, "Oh, it's just a bear!" the police shook the t-sip's bag and the t-sip said, "Potatoes!"

Here is another joke(I'm bored at work.)

Have you heard about the t-sip who was 2 hours late to class? The escalator was stuck...

what is the difference between a longhorn and a bucket of crap? The bucket

An UT grad is driving home from work when his cell phone rings. He answers and his wife says "honey just wanted to warn you and let you know that I am watching the news and some idiot is driving on the wrong side of the interstate." The UT grad then replied " honey I am already on my way home, but your wrong it is not one idiot but hundreds of them."

Albert Einstein goes to a party. He introduces himself to a lady and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?".........."240," she says. "Great, we can discuss the mysteries of the universe and other things. We have a lot we can talk about " he replies. Later he is talking with a man and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?"......."145," he replies. "Great, we can talk about thermodynamics," says Albert. Later he is talking to another gentleman and says, "Hi, I'm Albert Einstein. What's you're IQ?........"43," the man manages to say. Einstein gets a puzzled look on his face for a minute then says, "How about them Longhorns?"

I like DMZs.

Is it true that Longhorn players hate leaving Austin for the pros because they don't want the cut in pay?

An aggie walks into a bar.

Person on the left of him orders a B&C.

Aggie asks what the hell a B&C is.

Bourbon and Coke is the reply.

Person on the right of him orders a G&T.

Aggie asks what the hell a G&T is.

Gin and Tonic is the reply.

Aggie thinks the drink shorthand is pretty cool. Give me a 15 says the aggie.

Bartender asks what the hell a 15 is.

7&7 replies the aggie.

An Aggie and a longwhorn are walkin in a sheep pasture one day. The Aggie says to the longwhorn, "You ever screw a sheep before?" The longwhorn replies, "No". So the Aggie says, "We'll come over hear and I'll show you how."
The Aggie points to a 5 wire barbed wire fence where he proceeds to grab the 3rd and 4th wire of the fence. While twisting the wires he sticks the head of a sheep thru the wires.
"What are you doing?" asks the longwhorn.
"Watch and learn boy." says the Aggie.
With the sheep stuck in the fence he Aggie mounts it and proceeds to go at it. When he's done the Aggie says, "OK it's your turn."

So the longwhorn sticks his head in the fence.

I think a simple Book 'em Horns will do.

A sip walks into a bar and says “Barkeep, give me five shots of tequila!”

The bartender obliges and proceeds to watch the sip down all five shots one after the other.

The bartender asks the whorn “A man that drinks like that usually has a purpose.”

The sip smiles and replies “My first b*ow job today.”

“Well hell. Let me get you another on the house.” offered the bartender to which the sip replied “No. If five of em doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth a sixth one probably wont either.”

What's the difference between a longhorn and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn't fart when the meat is pulled out.

What's the difference between a t-sip and a catfish?

One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish

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in which he sould reply that there MUST be something biblical against intimacy involving humans and sheep.

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I'm certain is says something about it being wrong for a man to lay with a man.

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and one to leave early I think is how the punchline goes

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actually it goes like this...

How man sips does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5

1 to screw in the lightbulb

2 to talk about how great the sips were are screwing in lighbulbs when royal was there

and 2 more to proclaim greatness then leave the game early for an hour or two of ghey sex

Aggie, tceh and sip each are granted a wish. tceh'erd wants land around Lubboch to be plush and green, never to have dust again. Wish is granted.
sip says that he is tired of all none tu grads wanting to live in Austin -- says he would like a concrete wall 400 yards thick and a half mile tall all around the city to keep non sips out. Wish is granted.
Ag thinks a minute then ask how tall is that wall "half mile is the answer". How thick is that wall? "400 yards is the answer" Ag ask one more question -- Is it all around the city? "Yes" is the answer. Ag thinks a minute and responds "fill it with concrete"!!!!!!!!

An Aggie and a sip were fishing in Alaska. They spotted a grizzly bear in the distance just as the grizzly spotted them. The Aggie immediately sat down and started taking off his waders. The sip asked him what he was doing. The Ag said "I am taking off these waders so I can run faster" The sip relied" silly Aggie, you cannot outrun that bear" To which the Aggie replied " I know but I can outrun you"!

These are great.

LOL!

oldest one:

Q: What does a sip call an Aggie after graduation?

A: Boss

Even older than that:

What do you do if a sip throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.[/rimshot]

A Longhorn goes to his doctor for his annual physical exam. As the doctor does the rectal exam, he hears “The eyes of Texas…” being sung from inside the lower GI tract.

Astonished, he goes to his partner, an Aggie physician, and asks him to perform a physical exam and tell him if there is anything unusual. The Aggie completes his exam and reports that everything was normal.

The first doctor is incredulous, and asks didn’t you hear singing coming from his rectum? The Aggie replied, “Oh that’s nothing. I hear *******s sing that all the time.”