A razorback girl goes to the welfare office to register for child benefit.


"How many children?" asks the welfare officer.

"Ten" replies the razorback girl,

"Ten?" says the welfare worker.

"What are their names?"

"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the razorback girl, "It's great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!' or 'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it.

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the curious welfare worker.

"That's easy," says the razorback girl... "I just use their surnames"

ZING!

like a person from arkansas knows what a surname is?

^ like the surnames are even different.

Pretty sure everybody in Arkansas has the same surname

Yep

A razorback supporter walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.

The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The Salary package is $200,000 a year'.

The razorback supporter said 'You're bull****ting me!'

The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'

ZING!

Looks like Ray McKinley in the drummer pix.

A Razorback came home to his trailer and found his wife sitting outside with a suitcase by her side.

“Where the hell are you going?” he said.

“I’m leaving you.” she said.

“What the hell for?” he said.

“I heard you were a pedophile!”

He replied, “Now that's an awful big word for an eleven year-old!”

Arkansas coed goes into the dry cleaners and gives the attendant a dress to be cleaned.

As she turns to leave, the attendant waves and says, "Come again."

The coed turns and glares at the clerk, "No, you b1tch, it's toothpaste...!"

C/B, '67
_____________



"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
Douglas Adams

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION

Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)

Age: ____

Sex: ____ with blood relatives ____ with non-blood relatives

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know

Hey, don't be so hard on Arkansas. They are responsible for an invention that most of us use every day or more.


The Toothbrush was invented in Arkansas.

It had to be, if it had been invented anywhere else it would have been called a Teethbrush.

If a couple in Arkansas get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?

Q: What does a Hog fan do after the Razorbacks win an SEC championship?

A: Turn off the Playstation and go to bed.

Q: How do you make Razorback cookies?

A: Put them in a bowl and pound them for 60 minutes.

What has 30 legs, 30 arms and 15 teeth?

The Cotton Candy line at the Arkansas State Fair!

An Aggie, an Irishman and a Razerback supporter are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.

He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman says: 'My God, it's Jesus!'

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a bottle of Shinner and a pint of bitter. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'

Jesus then shakes the Aggies's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock. 'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'

Jesus then approaches the Razerback supporter who says, 'Back off, bro, I'm on disability benefit.

Don't you mean a Sirr Name?

If you were banging your brothers wouldn't the last name always be the same?

Two, thirteen year old Arkies go to the JP to get hitched. They struggle through the paper work and stand before the JP. Both had on Wal-Mart work boots, jeans, flannel shirts and long, stringy hair.

"Who is the bride and who is the groom?" he asked. They looked at each other and shrugged.

"OK, who has a menstrual cycle?" he urged.

One of the two slowly raised their hand and asked, "Does a Kawasaki count?"

quote:

---

If you were banging your brothers wouldn't the last name always be the same?

---

only if your brother's fathers are all brothers or cousins....and even then, it's not a sure bet

[This message has been edited by powerbiscuit (edited 9/26/2012 6:20p).]

True Story:

Back in the day when Jackie was around, he took a pretty good team to Arkansas. It was a bitterly cold night, and the Ags were pushing the Hogs around and really getting the best of them by half time. The Hogs had quite a few injuries.

At half time in the locker room, Hatfield was in front of his team and started ranting, hollering, and getting down right PISTOFF, trying to motivate his squad. He says, “You’ve to block out the elements…, you have to be able to play with pain…, be a team player…”

He stops his tirade, and the room gets deafly quiet. He reaches into a shoebox and pulls out a two foot long baby alligator. He pulls his Dingus McGee out of his trousers and puts the alligator up to it. The alligator opens its mouth quickly and snaps it shut right on his Dingus. Hatfield lets go, and the alligator hangs from his Dingus.

Hatfield shakes his hips vigorously from left to right. He pumps his hips forcefully up and down with the alligator swinging from his Dingus. He pulls the alligator by the tail and jerks it back and forth, up and down; his hands and arms a blur.

Still, the alligator continues its vicious bite on his Dingus. He does this for about five minutes.

He then reaches down and, Three Stooges-like, pokes the alligator in the eyes. The alligator opens its mouth and let’s go of Hatfield’s Dingus. Hatfield puts the alligator back in the shoebox. He puts his Dingus back in his trousers and zips them up. He then quietly stairs at the team, scanning the room and making eye contact with each and every player, completely out of breath from all of the physicality he’s inflicted on himself.

After about 30 seconds of silence and staring at them, he says, “Are any of you tough enough to do that?”

A hand goes up in the back of the locker room and says, “Yeah, coach; as long as you don’t poke me in the eyes.”




BAAA-ZINGA!!!!




[This message has been edited by GWallace (edited 9/27/2012 2:52p).]

quote:

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“Yeah, coach; as long as you don’t poke me in the eyes.”

---

Made me laugh.

A young man went to the other side of the mountain to get a bride, but came back empty handed. Father asks, "What happened son?" Son says, "She was a virgin". Father, "I don't blame you, if she is not good enough for her own people, she's not good enough for us either".

How many Razorbacks does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he gets three hours credit.

Elementary school Teacher explains to her class that she is a razorback fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are razorback fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'

'Because I'm not a razorback fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a razorback fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am an Aggie, and proud of it,' Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why in the world are you an Aggie?'

'Because my mum is an Aggie, and my dad is a Aggie, so I'm an Aggie too!'

'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be an Aggie. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time...
What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'

'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a razorback fan.

How are a tornado and a divorce in Arkansas alike?


In both instances somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer....

Jerry Jones.

Two Razorbacks are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"
"Jus' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?"
"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."

-----

What do you get when you have 32 Arkansans in the same room?

A full set of teeth.

----

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas burned down?

Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

What do you call a virgin in Arkansas?
A 10 year old that can outrun her brothers.