Been through some stressful events lately. 3rd child was born in March, had to put down our 14-year-old dog in May, was diagnosed with a hiatal hernia so dealing with a a chronic sore throat, the oldest child having night terrors, etc. I've gone through anxiety phases and I'm in a bit of a rut again.

The other kids are 5 and 6. The oldest is 6 but she is a poor sleeper, up until 930/10, never sleeps past 630a. The closest family is 2 hours away so in the phase with kids where someone CONSTANTLY needs something. Exhausting.

In my mid 30s, blood work is always great, 24.7 BMI so could lose a little bit of weight but not bad.

Therapy a couple of times a month. Started Meditating daily (20-day streak). Trying to get outside and walk more now that it's "cooling off". Started eating better and earlier. Reduced my drinking by quite a bit.

I'm currently taking

• Mega Mens multivatiman
• Omega 3 fish oil
• Calm Magnesium Citrate (working up dosage)

I just purchased L-theanine based on Andrew Huberman's rec so will try that starting tomorrow

One of my biggest triggers is health anxiety and OCD. Feeling like I always need reassurance nothing is critically wrong. Also been waking up at least 30 mins before my alarm almost every morning worried about something.

Does anyone else have any supplements or things that have helped them through something like this? I was on SSRIs in my early to mid-20s and trying to stay off of them if at all possible.


Also this reached a head when I woke up at 5a a couple months back with my heart beating fast. Set me off into a full on panic attack. Fairly certain I was having a nightmare. Still dealing with the fallout of that. Sucks because we were actually on vacation at the beach.

I've never had anxiety or anything like that but in a lot of reading I have been doing, you are going to do yourself a lot of favors by doing these things (over a magical supplement)

-don't drink alcohol. It doesn't do anything good for your body and messes with your sleep. I know you said you cut down, but try cutting it all the way out.
-get good sleep. I know with young kids it's really hard, so make the most of it by not messing with your body with alcohol. Make your room dark and don't zone out on your phone or TV while you are in bed
-avoid sugar as much as you can.
-exercise daily. Walk, run, lift weights, ride bikes but something helps. Doing something outside in the morning has really helped my circadian rhythm and helped me sleep
-drink lots of water


Some nighttime reading material I have loved lately (not using my phone or TV in bed) are
-Outlive
-Why we sleep
-Atomic Habits

What does your caffeine intake look like for the day? It is highly recommended to avoid it like the plague if you're able to.

I'll second most of these things, which I have noticed significantly reduce my anxiety/ stress.

-eliminate or cut way back on alcohol.
-exercise daily, even if just a short walk or bike ride. Get outside and active
-careful with too much caffeine
-stay connected with friends outside of work, don't be afraid to share your struggles with a trusted friend. Relationships matter

Sounds like you're doing most of these things already. Hang in there.

I cut out coffee in early August. Switched to a 6oz cup of green tea that I really only steep for like 2-3 mins tops.

I could honestly probably cut it out, it doesn't get me going anyway

I was drinking a bunch of coffee prior to that so the transition wasn't particularly easy

i zeroed in on two things from your post.

the 6 year old; get her (?) to bed earlier than 930 if she's waking up at 630. no later than 9...maybe earlier.

you said "every morning worried about something." there's a root cause here. what has you worried? work, marriage, kids, money, etc. if you determine that root cause, then you'll be much more likely to 'fix' whatever it is that's ailing you.

good luck. this phase will pass.

Hincemm said:

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i zeroed in on two things from your post.

the 6 year old; get her (?) to bed earlier than 930 if she's waking up at 630. no later than 9...maybe earlier.

you said "every morning worried about something." there's a root cause here. what has you worried? work, marriage, kids, money, etc. if you determine that root cause, then you'll be much more likely to 'fix' whatever it is that's ailing you.

good luck. this phase will pass.

---

Unfortunately it's not that easy with the 6 year old. We've tried various bedtime routine changes and have zero luck, anywhere from 630 - 8. We usually have her in bed by 730 but fights it every night despite great sleep hygiene on our part. Pediatrician says "some kids just don't need much sleep"

Good idea on the root cause, I'll try to pinpoint it. My brain bounces around between worries like a radar which causes physical symptoms and then anxiety about those. Vicious cycle.

Do you ever use sleep gummies for the kids? I have some that have melatonin in it. It works pretty well if you turn off all devices and read them a book after giving the gummy.

What kind or brand do you use?

I've been trying to convince my wife but she's been adamant about not "drugging them" essentially.

She's taking the 6 mo to the pediatrician for a cough he's had for over 3 weeks (another issue causing poor sleep lately). 2nd follow up this week. I told her ask for their advice if time permits.


I know this too shall pass but man this sleep deficit is wrecking me.

Woke up at 5a this morning too, don't even need to get up until 615a

We use Olly gummies and they work great

I feel for ya, OP. Coming at this as someone who's wife suffers from anxiety/OCD. It's been a constant struggle, some seasons are better than others.

A few recommendations and considerations from my perspective:
* Exercise - my wife struggles with this one; I wish she would fully dedicate herself. Studies on the effectiveness of exercise and anxiety are plenty.
* Vitamin D - spend some time outside daily getting sun. Especially now before winter and it becomes harder to get meaningful UV. If this is challenging, there are apps that track when the UV is most conducive throughout the day in your specific location and will tell you a recommended time to be outside.
* Get tested for deficiencies - detailed labs can give insight as to what might be missing. My wife specifically has a B Vitamin deficiency, so she takes additional methylated B Vitamin.
* Meditation and Gratitude- seems like you're on your way to improving meditation. Consider keeping a gratitude journal - doesn't have to be anything that takes more than a few minutes.
* Give yourself grace in the bad times and celebrate and remember the good.

Regarding the kids and sleep; I believe giving them freedom to sleep and wake has worked for us but we are strict on when they can come out and rejoin society

Someone else noted melatonin for kids; I'm no expert but that one doesn't sit well with me. I had some issues myself with melatonin use habitually and I can't say I'd ever think giving children melatonin habitually would be a great idea.

AgsMyDude said:

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Been through some stressful events lately. 3rd child was born in March, had to put down our 14-year-old dog in May, was diagnosed with a hiatal hernia so dealing with a a chronic sore throat, the oldest child having night terrors, etc. I've gone through anxiety phases and I'm in a bit of a rut again.

The other kids are 5 and 6. The oldest is 6 but she is a poor sleeper, up until 930/10, never sleeps past 630a. The closest family is 2 hours away so in the phase with kids where someone CONSTANTLY needs something. Exhausting.

In my mid 30s, blood work is always great, 24.7 BMI so could lose a little bit of weight but not bad.

Therapy a couple of times a month. Started Meditating daily (20-day streak). Trying to get outside and walk more now that it's "cooling off". Started eating better and earlier. Reduced my drinking by quite a bit.

I'm currently taking

• Mega Mens multivatiman
• Omega 3 fish oil
• Calm Magnesium Citrate (working up dosage)

I just purchased L-theanine based on Andrew Huberman's rec so will try that starting tomorrow

One of my biggest triggers is health anxiety and OCD. Feeling like I always need reassurance nothing is critically wrong. Also been waking up at least 30 mins before my alarm almost every morning worried about something.

Does anyone else have any supplements or things that have helped them through something like this? I was on SSRIs in my early to mid-20s and trying to stay off of them if at all possible.


Also this reached a head when I woke up at 5a a couple months back with my heart beating fast. Set me off into a full on panic attack. Fairly certain I was having a nightmare. Still dealing with the fallout of that. Sucks because we were actually on vacation at the beach.

---

FWIW the kid not sleeping past 6:30 might not be anything. I was an early riser my whole life, so is my daughter. I'm always up before she is. 6:30 doesn't sound early to me. Is it early for you because you are sleeping or just want to hold off on parental duties until later? That's not a judgmental question, I have a friend of mine that sets an alarm to wake up at 5:00 so that he can have at least an hour of peace before any of his kids wake up. It's not even to do anything productive, that's to just be able to watch tv or anything else of his choosing in peace and quiet.

Sorry you're in a tough spot, anxiety is rough. I've been treating depression for around 8 years and almost 2 years ago I started having anxiety and I don't know where it came from. Anxiety and depression are different things too, they're not the same. I couldn't think of any individual event that led to it. It would primarily hit me in the morning when I was working out, I would legit start dry heaving because I was so worked up. Already being on an antidepressant that works pretty well for me I didn't want to start taking another prescription and potentially impact the antidepressant.

I tried CBD and it didn't really work, though I've heard others have success. I luckily live in a state where medical marijuana is legal and I started taking THC/CBD tablets and that was a game changer. I don't take an amount that gets me high, I'm a parent and I have too much to do at work to take anything that will slow me down, it just takes the edge off. I take about 5mg each of THC/CBD at night and that seems to keep me balanced for the next day. If you live in a state where it's not allowed it's been helpful enough for me that I would consider taking a road trip to a state where you can get it medically or recreationally if it was taken away from me in the future.

In addition to what you've already talked about what you need to think about is what do you do to take care of yourself? Being a parent isn't grounds to neglect your own well being though it can be a byproduct. Do you have time to yourself, friends, a social life, hobbies, etc.? I think that was part of my issue was I felt I had lost a significant part of my identity because I put myself last in all aspects of my life. My immediate family and friends are not really part of my life anymore because we live near by wife's family. I feel very isolated and lonely all the time even though my wife and daughter are here. You need to do something for you, an activity that you look forward to, that was missing from my life.

Another thing that's helped me over the last year is ramping up physical activity. I don't mean just exercising, I mean putting your body/mind through something really strenuous. The activity for you could be anything from a boot camp, crossfit, yoga, etc. I started jiu jitsu almost a year ago and it's been incredible for my stress management. I know you said you had a hiatal hernia so you'd probably need to see a doctor as I don't know what kind of issues those cause. I'm in my 40's with no background in wrestling or any martial arts, it's really difficult but the physical and mental stress it causes you to have to deal with have helped me in so many ways. There are benefits to doing something that's hard and it takes a long time to get better at especially when you keep showing up knowing you're going to suck for a long time but you keep going and battling people who are younger, bigger, stronger, faster, etc. It also helps that it's a highly supportive environment and very communal, you're in a room full of people, mostly men, trying to get better at something. I've talked about this plenty in the BJJ thread, and another mental health thread, because I believe it came into my life exactly when I needed it and I'm the last person any of my friends or family would believe walked into one of those gyms one day. Doesn't mean you need to do BJJ but things that have benefitted me there can be found in other activities but the most important thing to realize is that you need a change and you're the only person that can make that happen. Get out of your comfort zone. Half the time my upper body is covered in bruises but I haven't felt better in a long time and I'm generally one of the oldest guys there, but I don't care. My best days there are almost coincidently the worst days I've had at work or at the house when I don't necessarily feel like going, I make myself do it. Eliminating stress this day and age is close to impossible, voluntarily putting yourself into stressful situations can help you cope with the stress that you are going to have though.

Just keep trying different things until you find something that helps. Don't be passive in this struggle, actively search for a remedy. But also if you haven't done so already you need to have an open dialogue with your wife about it. Don't bottle it up, make sure she knows you're struggling but that you are working through it to get to a better place.

I struggled with health related panic attacks. I thought I was having a heart attack. I was a left handed pitcher and have a body that likes to radiate soreness and pain down my left arm if I've overdone it with my shoulders.

When I start to notice the panic coming on, I try to touch each of my trigger points in my neck, shoulders, arm and see if any are sore to the touch. Most of the time they are and I deep breathe while I remember what could have caused it.

I did get to a point where I decided it would have to be another symptom to get me to go to the ER. I keep going about my day and see if my body / mind will relax or get worse. So far, it hasn't gotten worse.

You want Magnesium Glycinate, not Citrate. Citrate will have you on the toilet often.

I have bad anxiety and take Magnesium Glycinate with my Buspar prescription.

Interesting, this is what I've been trying. It seems to help in the evening but could be placebo

Natural Vitality Calm, Magnesium Citrate Supplement, Anti-Stress Drink Mix Powder - Gluten Free, Vegan, & Non-GMO, Raspberry Lemon, 16 oz https://a.co/d/9kXWVcB

Thanks for the post.

No it's not really about parenting responsibilities. But more from a lack of sleep. That 630 is the latest..sometimes she's awake before 6a. Even after a busy day camping, etc. We purchased a circadian rhythm clock to help her know she needs to play quietly in her room into 630 which has been wonderful.

You make a really good point on taking care of myself. We're similar to you but we're not by her family either. So neither of us has family close and our time is absorbed with the kids.

So, no, I currently don't do any hobbies or much outside of working and being a Dad. My therapist mentioned this too. Definitely doesn't help. I used to play adult beer league softball so maybe I'll sign up for that again. I do miss the comradery of team sports.

Also I'm definitely not passive and my wife definitely knows when I'm having major anxiety and she's usually great about helping me (until I annoy her with too much lol)

If you're open to herbal supplements I would look up Ashwagandha. It will help with both anxiety and sleep. I took it when I was going through a high stress period in life with good results.

Edit to add: You mentioned walking and meditation. Those are great methods. Some mild yoga might go with your meditation. There are several good YouTube channels like Yoga with Adrienne.

Definitely open to pretty much anything at this point.

What dosage and time of day did you use it? My wife picked up some ashwaganda tea for me so I'll give that a shot. Chamomile tea helps a lot.

A friend recommended that same YouTube channel for Yoga so I'll see about working that into my regime

On day 2 of L-theanine 100mg with breakfast. Seems to help quiet the power of the intrusive thoughts just a hair so far. Might increase dosage or do an after 100mg too.

As I recall it was 600 MG/day split into a morning and evening capsule. It takes a little while for full effects to kick in but I felt the evening dose combined with being sleepy helped me fall asleep almost immediately.

A good resource for herbs and vitamins is the website Examine.