Not sure what board would be best but my brother in law is having some child custody issues:

He had a child 6 months ago with his girlfriend of only a few weeks. They broke up a few months after that as she is bipolar and refused to take her medicine which led to several domestic instances on her part which the police were called to. Anyway, he just took a job 3 hours away and when he comes back to visit she either refuses to let him see his child or adds crazy stipulations. This past week was he could see her on Sunday if he hung out on Saturday. He writes her checks for child supports which she rips up. She already has another child with a different guy who is not in the picture. She has no driver's license, degree, job, and lives at home.

My question is, what should be the first step in getting at least joint custody? Consult with an attorney? Register with the Attorney General and start paying more formalized child support? Any other issues or considerations to take into account?

Thanks

I would post this on Aggies Only - you should get some good responses there (not that you can't here).

I would start with child support through the AG and maybe go ahead and get a lawyer since she may not be willing to work with him on custody . If he pays her without going through the AG, she could claim it is a gift and he would still owe back child support. The ag will do the standard custody agreement if all parties are in agreement, but if not then he would would need the lawyer. I would think it would look better on his part to willingly file for formal child support.

This is just what I remember from when we had child support established with the basic custody agreement. It could've changed since then.

Go get a lawyer today. With out a court order, you have no rights and every obligation.

Fyi on giving her money, nothing he gives her that doesnt go through the system counts. He could give her 100k and if it didn't go through the system, no one would care.

Good luck to him. His life just went to ****.

Definitely get in touch with the AG. If they set visitation/custody, she cannot legally deny it. If she does, she could lose custody altogether.

If she is unstable to the point that the child may not be safe he should also work through CPS

He registered with the AG a few weeks ago to have them start garnishing his wages but we haven't heard anything about visitation.

go get a lawyer and be prepared for ugliness and $$$

Your BIL needs to consult an attorney right away. The issue of custody is a bit complicated because there is a legal custody component (decision-making regarding religion, education, medical treatment, etc) and a physical custody component (where the child lives). Also, anything he agrees to now will follow him pretty much forever. Meaning, if he capitulates to her crazy, it will be extremely difficult for him to get the agreement changed if she gets even crazier in the years to come.

If she really is as irresponsible as you describe, then she probably doesn't have the resources to hire her own attorney and fight this. If he can find a good one, the attorney can likely talk some sense into this girl and get her to agree to something that is favorable to your BIL (like joint custody or a generous visitation policy). The catch is, the expense will all fall to him. However, if she will agree to something your attorney proposes without having to fight over it in court, the expenses should be reasonable. He also has to be 100% willing to step up and meet whatever obligations the agreement sets in place. I know a lot of men who underestimate the amount of time and effort that goes into raising a child between the ages of birth and about 5 or 6. It's a huge commitment and not easy to do on your own, but it sounds like this kid needs a stable presence. My point is, the BIL shouldn't agree to something only to not uphold his end (ie, skip out on his visitation when it's not "convenient").

My advice is for him to fight now. Like I said, it is very difficult to get a custody agreement changed after the fact (it takes some pretty extreme circumstances and a lot of time and effort). It is to his benefit to fight for whatever he wants now, and hopefully she will agree to it. But he needs to find a good attorney, probably one that specializes in father's rights. It might take a couple of consultations to find one he is comfortable with, but anyone he does consult with is barred from representing the mother.

Thanks TXtransplant (and everyone else) I will be directing him to this thread.

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He registered with the AG a few weeks ago to have them start garnishing his wages but we haven't heard anything about visitation.

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If i remember correctly, he should get a hearing date in the mail. The custody will be set at the hearing (if all parties agree). If not, then i guess he would go to court. Since we agreed at my hearing we didnt have to go through all that. Not sure what would happen if she doesnt show up at the hearing.

Something else I thought of...has your BIL signed an acknowledgement of paternity? I'm assuming his name is on the BC, but if they are not married, I think a paternity affidavit, or something of the sort, is also necessary.

He should also familiarize himself with the "standard" visitation policy and decide before his court date (and with the help of an attorney) what else he might want to add to the agreement. Since they live 3 hours apart, it doesn't sound like joint physical custody is an option. So, if he can't get full physical custody, he needs to think about what visitation schedule he wants and what other conditions he might want in the agreement. Examples of this might include not allowing the mother to move (out of the county, adjacent counties, or out of the state) without first getting his consent, adding provisions about no drug-alcohol use when the child is in your custody, adding provisions about no overnight guests of the opposite sex, etc. Obviously he might not want all of these and the mother and/or judge might not agree to include them, but they are things to think about. It also gives him a basis for getting her custody revoked if she violates any of the conditions stipulated in the agreement.

We were not married and I doubt he signed anything other than the birth certificate but i could be wrong. I asked him but he doesn't remember. Looks like he can ask questions on this page and maybe get some useful info.

http://texaschild-custody.com/texas-attorney-general.php

Yeah, I mentioned the affidavit because my son's dad had to sign one, even though his name was on the BC. I think he signed at the hospital. This was in another state, though, so maybe TX is different. I was reading something earlier, though, that said if the parents are not married, paternity is not recognized without the affidavit. Certainly something worth looking into.

If he hasn't signed anything acknowledging parenthood get paternity test done.

If he has acknowledge, do not now or any time henceforth every think about getting one done.

Here's a link on establishing paternity.

https://www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/cs/establishing-paternity

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Here's a link on establishing paternity.

https://www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/cs/establishing-paternity

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What this link doesn't tell you is that there is no going back. So if you find out 5 mins after it is established that you aren't the father, too bad, so sad, she got you for life.

If I understood the info in that link correctly, if his name is on the BC, then he had to have signed the form. If he's not on the BC, then he probably didn't sign it. And if he didn't sign the form, how could the AG facilitate child support payments that he technically doesn't owe?

Thats what i got out of it too. I just skimmed through it, but do you have to establish paternity to pay child support and/or get custody? She could down the road claim another guy as the dad so it may be more of a protective measure for the real father, paternity test aside. Bi***es be crazy. Protect yo self.

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Thats what i got out of it too. I just skimmed through it, but do you have to establish paternity to pay child support and/or get custody? She could down the road claim another guy as the dad so it may be more of a protective measure for the real father, paternity test aside. Bi***es be crazy. Protect yo self.

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No kidding! I hate to hear stories about women acting like this, too. They make the rest of us who do the right thing look bad. My son's father and I would likely not have any custody agreement had I not paid an attorney to draft one up and file it. The fact that men don't take the initiative to protect themselves kind of boggles my mind.

Yep. I guess they don't realize how badly they can get screwed.

This discussion has been really helpful. She is probably going to fight him every step of the way because the only thing she has going for her is her kids

Down the road when custody is established, there is (or at least was several years ago) a place here in austin called kids exchange. It's a service where one parent drops the kid off and the other parent picks them up, to where they do not need to interact if they are unable to be civil or if there are issues with one parent not adhering to the visitation time. I think they also might keep track if she doesn't bring the kids at the allotted time. They might have one in their area. I think it might be through the court, but can't remember for sure.

Hope it works out for him.

I've known men who've gotten sole physical custody and joint physical custody, and even joint physical custody of an infant. But I've never known one who got sole physical custody of an infant.

The standard rule of thumb on child support is 20% of monthly net income. So, if she has two baby-daddies who make decent money, she could be pulling in $2-$3k per month. If she's living at home, she won't need to work. That's the frustrating/unfair thing about child support, if you ask me. If what you say is true, this woman has no means of supporting herself or her two kids other than child support. It's a weird kind of welfare, as far as I'm concerned, and it encourages women to have multiple children all with different fathers.

But, like I said, he needs to fight for all he can get, which at a minimum should be standard visitation (hopefully more). Once he has something in writing, he will have something for the judge to enforce. If she pulls too many stunts re withholding/impeding visitation, any judge with half a brain will get tired of it. But he's got to establish paternity and get a custody agreement on file first.

If I were him, I'd try to find an attorney who has handled a case where a dad was awarded custody (or generous visitation) of an infant.

I have apparently been doing it wrong all this time!

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I have apparently been doing it wrong all this time!

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Yeah, I know...there have been moments when I've had the exact same thought!

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I've known men who've gotten sole physical custody and joint physical custody, and even joint physical custody of an infant. But I've never known one who got sole physical custody of an infant.

The standard rule of thumb on child support is 20% of monthly net income. So, if she has two baby-daddies who make decent money, she could be pulling in $2-$3k per month. If she's living at home, she won't need to work. That's the frustrating/unfair thing about child support, if you ask me. If what you say is true, this woman has no means of supporting herself or her two kids other than child support. It's a weird kind of welfare, as far as I'm concerned, and it encourages women to have multiple children all with different fathers.

But, like I said, he needs to fight for all he can get, which at a minimum should be standard visitation (hopefully more). Once he has something in writing, he will have something for the judge to enforce. If she pulls too many stunts re withholding/impeding visitation, any judge with half a brain will get tired of it. But he's got to establish paternity and get a custody agreement on file first.

If I were him, I'd try to find an attorney who has handled a case where a dad was awarded custody (or generous visitation) of an infant.

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This is exactly what is happening. She doesn't even have a license. It is crazy. He has a college degree and a good job. Nobody in her family have gone to college

Won't repeat the good advice already given, but if he's in DFW area let me know and I can give some referrals. Family law isn't my field but have several friends who focus on that. Sure I can tap my network to get a recommendation in another city if you need that too.

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Won't repeat the good advice already given, but if he's in DFW area let me know and I can give some referrals. Family law isn't my field but have several friends who focus on that. Sure I can tap my network to get a recommendation in another city if you need that too.

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That would be great. He lives in DFW area but the mother and his child live in the San Antonio area. Do you recommend him finding an attorney in San Antonio as the court hearings could potentially be held in San Antonio?

The Bexar County court would be the appropriate place for it. He'd be best served finding someone there. Happy to ask around for a referral if you'd like.