been following some threads on ST about how many relationships have ended due to one of the parties becoming involved (obsessed) with IM training.

wondering how this applies across a broader range of sport. I feel like I'm pretty lucky as my gf is a runner and recently did her first Ironman. We don't always target the same races, but we tend to both head out the door at the same time to get in our workouts. During IM training, we did a fair amount of training together or at the same time. I doubt she'll ever catch the ultra bug, but she is ok with mine since she does marathons and such.

Wondering how it has worked for others who might have a spouse/gf who isn't into their preferred sport/type of exercise at all. I always said it wouldn't be hard to date a non-runner/triathlete, but I could see how it could eventually strain a relationship.

Anyone lost a relationship due to this? Not asking for you to go into details, but I'm curious. I guess this could apply to anything someone is really into that the spouse isn't. If a dude is spending 5 hours a day playing computer games, I could see that being an issue to.

I am not a runner but I go to my wife's races and support her as best I can. Same with her triathlons. Mainly that means kid wrangling and I shoot a bunch of pictures, except with the triathlons I help her get her gear together before the race and cheer loudly at the transition area. Then usually I gather her gear after the race and carry it for her back to the car.

She is not a powerlifter but she comes to my competitions and is supportive.

When I was competing in Canopy Piloting (swooping) my wife would come and support me. Although she was also a skydiver, but she was not a swooper and wasn't jumping while I was competing. The only competitions she missed were the ones out of state since I was usually on site practicing for the week before the competition.

The point is it doesn't matter what the love of your life does for a hobby or doesn't do for a hobby. If you love them, you love them and you'll support them. If they loves you, they love you and will support you.

I know of 2 people that have gone through divorces cause of IM/ultra related causes. No idea how they coped with it, other than more races and more training.

[This message has been edited by Hoyt Ag (edited 9/17/2012 4:18p).]

one thing i noticed from the ST threads is that it seems as though most relationships that fell apart were ones where the IM/running bug came after the marriage.

My husband was not a runner when I got into it but he was so understanding and he supported me 100%. He did his own stuff like work in the yard when I had training runs every Sat morning for like 2-4 hours and he went to every race and cheered at every finish line. He was my biggest supporter. I got really lucky because after going to my second half marathon race, he decided he wanted to start running. Now he and I both train for marathons (not together because he's really fast and I'm average) and we pretty much have the same schedule and we run a lot of the same races.

My situation is related, but in a very different way.

My wife has been into running and tris. Since last January I have gotten into the running/cycling deal. Except for the occasional shorter ride, we haven't done much training together, but because we were both into it there was the mutual support, etc.

During pregnancy her training was minimal, and has been since due to scheduling difficulties. Because she wants to get back into it but is finding the timing difficult thus far, she's not exactly thrilled that I've been working out so much.

However, she's planning on doing the B/CS half and is going to start training for that today, and I am being as flexible as I can be in regards to schedule. I've been running mornings, which if you know me is very odd. I'm not a morning person. I hate the mornings.

I can 100% see how this would be an issue for some, and I believe that if she wasn't going to get back into it that it would be an issue for us as well. The goofy thing with us is that it was originally she who was into the workouts, and that has shifted almost 100% to me.

My husband isn't a runner, which actually works out well. He watches our son while I train and they cheer me on at races, and I stayed home with our son on nights he had hockey games (before he tore his ACL). It actually works well that for both of us our sport hobby gives us some "me time", which is important for anyone but once you have kids I think it's especially important to have time an interests beyond your family and job. I'd like to think we're setting a good example for our kids first by bein active and second by supporting each other's pursuits. If his games weren't so late at night I'd bring the kiddo so we could cheer him on too.

My wife runs the occasional 10k but is otherwise not "into" running/tris.

I didn't get much pushback until I started getting into the higher mileage weeks of a HIM plan and even then it mostly been "hey can you turn down the hours for a little while after this one before you do another?"

some keys I have discovered:

1) get your lazy ass out of bed. She can't ***** about missing time together when she's sleeping.

2) be flexible. If she calls after a bad day and wants to go to dinner, don't protest. Get on the trainer later or go for a late run. Something planned when you wanted to do a run? See #1 or the next day's ride just became a brick.

3) my wife has a job with lots of hours and has her own hobbies.

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I guess this could apply to anything someone is really into that the spouse isn't. If a dude is spending 5 hours a day playing computer games, I could see that being an issue to.

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I think this is a big part of it. We'd been married 4 years or so before I got into Tris. But before that it was skiing and when we dated it was climbing so i've always spent an inordinate amount of time on a hobby she does but was never "into" so I guess we've always had that dynamic.

My SO isn't a triathlete but at least he does like to run with our running group (3-6 mile runs a few times a week)

I think it just depends on communication and priorities. I I didn't sign up for IMtX until he gave me his blessing (and this was after 3 conversations talking about training schedules) and honestly I could have ran yesterday but instead we ordered a pizza and laid on the couch watching a movie bc I wanted to spend some one on one time with him. He does support my efforts but I am flexible in regards to his schedule and making sure we do spend one on one time together. Granted we aren't married so I guess take this with a grain of salt but it has worked for me and him so far. I think it is do-able

edit: he did just sign up for his first marathon bc of peer pressure, I hope he catches the bug bc he seems to enjoy running. Though he is a lot faster tha me, I can't keep up

[This message has been edited by Jerzzy (edited 9/17/2012 5:26p).]

I race dirt bikes which consumes about 15 weekends a year for races and probably another 20 weekend days for practice/fun rides. My wife puts up with the racing and riding pretty well, but I try to work on my bikes when my wife is doing something on her own, before she wakes up, and after she goes to bed. She doesn't attend many races because we have a young child and it's a lot of work to travel with him and take care of him. Hopefully he will enjoy riding dirt bikes and we can make races family vacations.

My wife of 3 whole weeks is not a runner, swimmer, or triathlete. In fact she (and her entire family) thinks I'm kinda crazy. She is healthy and active in her own way, but has no desire to do what I do. We actually started dating in the middle of my IM training and a few things became clear to both of us through that experience:

- Being active & competitive is part of who I am and will always be
- She is way more important to me than any race

It was a rough lesson for us to learn, but going through that early in the relationship was very helpful. She knows that I'll always need to be active / competitive and I have given up IM's (I still do plenty of other races).

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I have given up IM's

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give it a few years...i think you'll get the Kona itch again.

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one thing i noticed from the ST threads is that it seems as though most relationships that fell apart were ones where the IM/running bug came after the marriage.

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I would be willing to bet that there were problems in the marriage before this. Good marriages/relationships will make it work. I know from experience when it's bad any little thing can be a huge problem.

Congrats polo!!! Still honey mooning!

I was a runner first. My wife has taken interest because I enjoy it. Now we have both found triathlon and love it. Have only done sprints, but are both planning on oly distance. Don't know if busy work/call schedule and our 4 kids will allow greater distance training(HIM, IM), our plate is pretty full.

My wife and I have grown active together. We ran our first half-marathon together (haven't raced together since) as we were both training for marathons. I decided to do a marathon first, but she actually got one completed first.

I started with tri two years ago, and she dipped her toe last fall and has been really going hard this summer.

Balancing kids, training, and quality family time is a challenge sometimes, but we are able to make it work with communication and planning. Sometimes plans have to get changed...sometimes to get a workout in, more often to miss one.

I would say sports has made us stronger, though I do anticipate some issue as IMTx training gets serious.

Our kids are finally to the point (8 and 5) that we can both do an early morning run at the same time, but we still have to be home to wake them up/get them ready for school.

We have actually had more baby sitters this summer to allow us to go to races or go for long bike rides together than we have date nights, but I say they are better "couple time" than a movie is anyhow. That said, it sucks that it cost me over $50 to ride 60 miles two weeks ago. I think two more years and we can go ride without the sitter for a few hours.

Just as important to getting quality wife time is quality kid time. I actually coach my sons soccer team. This makes it easier for me actually, since I can control the practice schedule to adjust it to my schedule.

FTAC of 2000
Formerly AgDDS2B.

[This message has been edited by Endo Ag (edited 9/18/2012 8:08a).]

my marriage pretty much mirrors yours, endo ag, including the part where we don't race together. except my wife is the one doing imtx this year, not me...

Was one of the catalysts that ended my first marriage, actually.

With my current relationship, we are both very athletic and support each other...she just doesn't run. We cycle together...a lot.

I don't think it is necessarily the "SPORT" training aspect. One can be into IM's the other into swimming (or whatever).

Most likely another athelete is going to understand completely what you are doing. Some work out because they want to "look good." (Not a damn thing wrong with that). Others work out because they love it. I (perhaps unfairly) think that women work out more often than men to "look good" and are less understanding of men who wish to constantly work out. (It doesn't seem too many guys are complaining when their wife goes on a 2-4 hour run, but I've heard the complaining the other way).

If your spouse doesn't understand that the activity is a vital part of your life and you as a person, then yeah...thats going to end.

While we were dating, I told my wife, "I play alot of golf and love to run. You're welcome to come along on either activity anytime you want, just don't ask me to stop doing either."

She's ridden in the golf cart a few times and read her Kindle. She's never gone running with me. She's also never complained once about me doing either, so no complaints here. I don't do tri's/IM but have run 8 full marathons while we've been married (6.5 years). I'd do my long runs really early on Saturdays so we'd still have the weekends to ourselves.

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except my wife is the one doing imtx this year, not me...

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Unacceptable.

Interesting thread. I've always been "active" - played soccer 25 years, enjoyed lifting, running occasionally, etc. But I didn't run my first marathon until we'd been married 5 years (and 6 months after our first son was born).

My wife is very supportive (she's not a runner, but I did just buy her $300+ worth of fancy exercise clothes that she looks hot in). As much as possible, I try to run while the family is asleep. Saturday's can be tricky b/c she needs a break after taking care of the boys, running the house, etc. all week.

I went to the gym when I first got married but it wasn't anything serious. I got into tris and then longer runs a few years in and honestly she loves it. We travel a lot to races and will plan vacations around a marathon. We are actually talking about going to Hawaii in March so I can race and then vacation afterwards.

She also sleeps till 11 on weekends so I can get in a full day of long workouts, shower and relax by the time she wakes up.

Get a sancha. Problem solved.

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give it a few years...i think you'll get the Kona itch again.

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Haha, I very well might get the itch again. I won't scratch it unless the boss says so In all seriousness, training & racing IM's are great and I really love it, but there are so many other priorities in life.

... right?

My husband is not a runner, but he is pretty supportive of me leaving to go run. As the kids have gotten older, it has gotten easier. When they were babies, it was tough. I do long runs before they get up on the weekends and weekday runs after they go to bed or while the kids are at soccer/scouts/other activities.

My husband hasn't ever complained about my running, and I try not to complain about his hunting. I figure it's a fair trade.