Anyone have a recommendation for a product to monitor text and web browsing for teenage kids? Something that doesn't require you to be a programmer to set up.

Posted in nerdy too

Look into the functionality of screen time on the iOS platform. You can restrict a lot of stuff but as far as monitoring, I'm not sure. The best thing it allows you to do is restrict them from downloading any apps unless you do it for them, and it restricts adult websites. But if a kid is determined, they'll find a way to surf porn. It's just too accessible.

Snapchat is not allowed on my kids phones. Experienced too much drama with the first two kids and that app.

thanks. Yeah we have those in place. I am looking at Bark. It seems like it will monitor text messages too.

Regardless of what app you install, tell them you will pick up the phone anytime you want and read whatever you want.

Also, take them away at night. Put them in your room, turn them off and put them on the charger. Give them back in the morning.

Nothing good happens after midnight applies to phones as much, if not more, as being 'out'.

All of the kids I knew in college who parents had monitoring apps on their phones in high school were the ones getting way too drunk way too often.

Plus there are ways around just about every one of those blockers. I've heard of teens using the messaging function on the Bible app to send dirty messages to each other. It's also not that hard to buy an old phone/tablet off of a friend for cheap and use that on wifi while your parent's think they have your only phone.
Strict parents create sneaky kids.

agracer said:

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Regardless of what app you install, tell them you will pick up the phone anytime you want and read whatever you want.

Also, take them away at night. Put them in your room, turn them off and put them on the charger. Give them back in the morning.

Nothing good happens after midnight applies to phones as much, if not more, as being 'out'.

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This.

StockHorseAg said:

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All of the kids I knew in college who parents had monitoring apps on their phones in high school were the ones getting way too drunk way too often.

Plus there are ways around just about every one of those blockers. I've heard of teens using the messaging function on the Bible app to send dirty messages to each other. It's also not that hard to buy an old phone/tablet off of a friend for cheap and use that on wifi while your parent's think they have your only phone.
Strict parents create sneaky kids.

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Probably the stupidest and least informed post I've come across on this site. Spoken like someone without kids.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting expectations. Responsible parents create mature and responsible kids. I guess you'll let your kids do whatever they want, if you ever find someone with the same ridiculous mindset.

You have no idea how destructive technology can be on kids and teens.

Our kids don't get a phone until they are 13 or 14 (flip phone). Smart phone at 15 or 16.

We have trusted them with them we will grab your phone and look at anything at anytime rule. They are put up at bedtime.

We had some issues and had to use bark for a while with a kid. He "graduated" from it. But it was good for accountability and monitoring. My wife did the monitoring and I believe it was a little bit of a headache but worth it.

I have taken away my 16 year olds phone twice in the last 5 months. Not for phone stuff, but attitude.

Phones provide people too much access to us. It is hard to manage as an adult and kids need help with how much access is appropriate. How much access I give me work, friends, etc is important. I believe kids need space to find themselves, process life, etc. Time to grow and learn. Phones (social media, games, text, etc) get in the way of that

I've been told by others we are strict. That's fine with us. We are sending a kid to aggieland next year and he is confident in who he is and I have zero concerns about his character or how he will conduct himself.

This is similar line of thinking of me and my wife. Our oldest turns 13 this year so we are just starting to navigate in these waters.

Bird Poo said:

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StockHorseAg said:

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All of the kids I knew in college who parents had monitoring apps on their phones in high school were the ones getting way too drunk way too often.

Plus there are ways around just about every one of those blockers. I've heard of teens using the messaging function on the Bible app to send dirty messages to each other. It's also not that hard to buy an old phone/tablet off of a friend for cheap and use that on wifi while your parent's think they have your only phone.
Strict parents create sneaky kids.

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Probably the stupidest and least informed post I've come across on this site. Spoken like someone without kids.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting expectations. Responsible parents create mature and responsible kids. I guess you'll let your kids do whatever they want, if you ever find someone with the same ridiculous mindset.

You have no idea how destructive technology can be on kids and teens.

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He /she is just giving an opinion based what they experienced. No need for name calling.

I have two kids one Tech grad that could have been an Aggie but chose not to and one junior Aggie. We where pretty lenient on them as long as they didn't get in trouble and it worked out fine We where more concerned about driving so life 360 was monitored pretty closely but text social media etc was never looked at.


When I was in high school in the late 80s (old) my parents had no idea what I was actually doing.

I know, I'm a real dumb jackass who just speaks my mind.
I'm all for raising responsible kids by teaching them how to be disciplined and to respect their parents along with setting expectations just like my parents did for me. I'm not saying you should just let your kids do whatever the hell they want. I'm just trying to point out that there are ways around the blockers/monitors. If a teenage boy wants to look at boobies he is going to find a way to look at boobies. If a teenage girl wants to message her boyfriend, she's going to find a way to message him. Those blockers are pointless.

I do have a family and raising my kids to be responsible and trustworthy so that one day, things don't get bad enough for me to go to an internet forum to figure out the best way to monitor them. If they can't be responsible with a smart phone, I will just be getting them flip phones.

My kids are 15 and 18, and at some point you have to give them enough rope to make mistakes. I used Qustudio and Life 360 for a long while, but have gone to just using the built-in Screentime limitations now.

As someone else mentioned, my kids just know their phones are subject to no-notice inspections; and we absolutely do them. Suspicious activity gets flagged and discussed. Unauthorized activities and repeat offenses come with strict and swift ramifications.

Social media is limited as much as possible, and we have all their login info. If any app or site exists on their phone, in their browsing history, or on any of their gaming devices that we cannot log into without asking them for a password, they lose all related privileges for a month.

The hardest part is taking the emotion out of it and making sure they truly understand the risks involved with their digital activities. No system or service you can use is full proof; and if they're determined to break the rules, they'll find away around your program.

We have kids approaching that age, oldest will be 13 here in a few months. We went this route:

https://gabb.com/

Have been very happy with it.

When teaching kids to use guns safely and responsibly, you don't just hand them an AR and walk away. It's more like supervised use of BB Gun > Single Shot 22 > Repeater 22 > Bigger Bolt Actions/Pump Shotguns > Autos. Once they appreciate the utility, dangers, and responsibility of using firearms, THEN they'll be ready to use them on their own.

Phones are no different IMO.

Obviously used this method with guns as well as vehicles. Lots of life lessons learned on the dear lease in those areas.

But comparing phones to guns is a bit of a stretch to me. Again we didn't monitor phones all that much and it never was a problem. Maybe we got lucky.

Bird Poo said:

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StockHorseAg said:

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All of the kids I knew in college who parents had monitoring apps on their phones in high school were the ones getting way too drunk way too often.

Plus there are ways around just about every one of those blockers. I've heard of teens using the messaging function on the Bible app to send dirty messages to each other. It's also not that hard to buy an old phone/tablet off of a friend for cheap and use that on wifi while your parent's think they have your only phone.
Strict parents create sneaky kids.

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Probably the stupidest and least informed post I've come across on this site. Spoken like someone without kids.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting expectations. Responsible parents create mature and responsible kids. I guess you'll let your kids do whatever they want, if you ever find someone with the same ridiculous mindset.

You have no idea how destructive technology can be on kids and teens.

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That's a bizarre response to the guy's post. You stated in your own first post in this thread:

"..........You can restrict a lot of stuff but as far as monitoring, I'm not sure. The best thing it allows you to do is restrict them from downloading any apps unless you do it for them, and it restricts adult websites. But if a kid is determined, they'll find a way to surf porn. It's just too accessible."

He simply stated his own anecdotal observation and provided practical examples that affirm your prior statement.

StockHorseAg said:

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I know, I'm a real dumb jackass who just speaks my mind.
I'm all for raising responsible kids by teaching them how to be disciplined and to respect their parents along with setting expectations just like my parents did for me. I'm not saying you should just let your kids do whatever the hell they want. I'm just trying to point out that there are ways around the blockers/monitors. If a teenage boy wants to look at boobies he is going to find a way to look at boobies. If a teenage girl wants to message her boyfriend, she's going to find a way to message him. Those blockers are pointless.

I do have a family and raising my kids to be responsible and trustworthy so that one day, things don't get bad enough for me to go to an internet forum to figure out the best way to monitor them. If they can't be responsible with a smart phone, I will just be getting them flip phones.

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iOS has "Screentime" which can limit apps based on time limits. The passcode is yours, not theirs. If you make it 1-hour, the phone basically shuts down short of a phone call after 1-hour. I believe you can apply it to specific apps as well. Taking them away at homework time and bedtime also helps.

Also, you can set up a wi-fi router to only allow devices you approve, so those 'burner' phones won't hook up to anything. You can lock out the "hotspot" on iPhones (and I believe Android) thru a separate password so they can't use the burner phone that way either. Random room searches are also helpful*

As far as the bolded part, good luck with that. The iPhone is not the same as your old landline. That's easy to monitor, iPhone, not so much. Kids will push the boundary as far as you will let them. Once I told my son after he got into some trouble about why he was being punished for so long and severely was that his life is a bowling alley, and he is the bowling ball, mom and I are the guard rails keeping him out of the gutter. When you're little, they're up all the way, as you get older, they will come down. But how much they come down is 100% up to you. You just eff'ed up. so they go back to full height for a while.

Boys are like a horse with blinders. They only see what's in front of them and for both boys and girls, their brains only process what's in front of them. They don't see the consequence of some decisions and don't even think about it. Boys are esp. bad. Why do you think their insurance goes down at 25? Because most of the stupid has left their brains, but not all of it.

* Yes, I fully understand it should not come to that, but sometimes it does. If the kids is not going to be respectful and earn trust, then they cannot be trusted. Treat them as such. They'll learn.

I grew up in a household with no privacy, mom snooping through diaries and journals, not allowed to close bedroom doors, listening in on phone calls.

I would never want my kids to feel the way my mom made us feel. I'm all about blocking dangerous apps and setting rules about screen time. But going through their phone? I dunno. Unless I have some SERIOUS behavioral concerns that something is REALLY wrong, I wouldn't do it.

Like someone else above said...the kids denied any privacy or autonomy growing up also tend to go a bit crazy in college when they finally do get a taste of freedom. And I was in highschool before cell phones were a thing. Trust me....the things my dad doesn't know about want went down with my friends would probably give him a heart attack. I grew up in a pretty "ghetto" area.

It's solid advice. Apps like the OP is asking about are defensive. Op needs to be proactive about this. We've never had an issue with teens and phones or kids and guns and neither have been locked up or unloaded for their entire lives. They don't have screen time. They don't have blockers. They don't get them confiscated like they are in prison. They are expected to act responsibly and when they don't, we take them away.

Don't shirk the responsibility of being a parent for an app.

If never thought that my kids couldn't be trusted with their phone or I wasn't capable of teaching them to make good decisions, then they wouldn't have the device at all. That's my opinion.

I think one of the hardest parts of parenting is introducing controlled risks into the lives of our kids. They have to learn how to make decisions and learn those decisions have rewards and consequences. The timing of when to introduce which risks is very kid dependent. But maintaining some control over those risks is important to limit the effects of the mistakes. It's a tough balance.

I have 5 kids and can't monitor all of them at once. I agree with a lot you all are saying. I had very little rules growing up and turned out pretty good, but the stuff and/or people they can see and interact with as a 14 or 15 year old is a lot different from the 90s and early 2000s. We want to be able to catch something early and discuss the issues with the kids before it's able to get out of hand.

That's all you can do. It's very difficult for a 14 or 15-year-old to understand the lasting ramifications of bad decisions with digital media. I've always felt if we make every decision out of love and in the best interest of our children, we won't always be right; but at least we'll be able to look at ourselves in the mirror and know we did the best that we could. You know your children better than anyone, so you have to do what you think is right for them.

Kids need to grow up knowing there are expectations but also knowing nothing is off limits when it comes to "dad we need to talk". Strict is good to a point but kids need to be given enough space to screw up and still know you're going to help them fix whatever they screwed up. Way too many of my kids friends who I would call good kids were terrified of their parents. Thats not healthy. Our kids were allowed to figure most of this out on their own but we had consistent conversations about most everything.

They knew TexAgs was my social media time and we talked about what I talked about on here which lead them to talking about whatever they were seeing on social media. I framed TexAgs as "wasting time on TexAgs" which by accident gave them the impression social media was a time waster. We talked about sex and drugs and cars and girls/boys. And the universe ending one day so why bother. Nothing was off limits at any time of day. Most of all they knew unequivocally I had their back and that if they were ever in a real bind their safety was all I cared about and we'd deal with the rest later.

Point? Parenting is more than just control. You're teaching them to be adults and to manage their own lives so be careful how much you control versus how much you teach them self control. My 25 yo son has little use for social media (though he's a big gamer) and my daughter (22) is a very responsible young woman that certainly seems to have a good grasp on the potential pitfalls of modern life. To me that's what important. If you don't let them make decisions now while you're there to monitor and help them how will they make decisions for themselves when you aren't?

My $.02 from a guy that's gotten through this with two pretty terrific young adults.

100% agree. The trust to come to you, the parent first with questions and issues is key.

I completely agree with you. I see way too many of my friends default to discipline when things go wrong, and they lose the opportunity to seize a teaching moment. Open and honest communication is always key. My kids know they can ask me any questions, and I will give them an honest answer. Kids can handle way more than most realize. We just have to shed light on their naivety and blind spots, and give them the tools to successfully navigate their lives.

BrokeAssAggie said:

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I have 5 kids and can't monitor all of them at once. I agree with a lot you all are saying. I had very little rules growing up and turned out pretty good, but the stuff and/or people they can see and interact with as a 14 or 15 year old is a lot different from the 90s and early 2000s. We want to be able to catch something early and discuss the issues with the kids before it's able to get out of hand.

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This, 100%.

My kids' were just at the leading edge of social media when they hit the teen years so I didn't have to deal with it as much. But I still wish I'd have done a better job.

My Sister has a 14yr old and she whines all the time about how her friends are allowed Tic-Tock and other apps and she is not. They've explained to her multiple times why, but she just doesn't get it b/c, as you stated, they simply don't understand the ramifications of what they see on social media, which is 10,000x worse than what any of us who grew up in the 80's-90's could be exposed to so easily.

Honestly, the hardest part is other parents/kids. My sisters son came home from 3rd grade once asking about oral sex (he didn't say that way so use your imagination). Some kid in his class had an iPhone and was showing the other boys porn after school on the bus. How stupid do you need to be as a parent to give your 10yr old unrestricted access to the internet? And how do you as a parent deal with that other parent?

Is it that different though? Kids were talking about oral sex in middle school when I was that age. Heck, we had girls pregnant in 6th & 7th grade. Drugs were rampant, kids were bringing guns to school, girls' pictures doing inappropriate things were being posted on bulletin boards. And this was back in the 90s.

I think it can be argued that the most difficult aspect of this current age is that "once it's on the internet, you can never get it off". But other than that, I don't think much has changed regarding what kids are exposed to.

AJ02 said:

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Is it that different though? Kids were talking about oral sex in middle school when I was that age. Heck, we had girls pregnant in 6th & 7th grade. Drugs were rampant, kids were bringing guns to school, girls' pictures doing inappropriate things were being posted on bulletin boards. And this was back in the 90s.

I think it can be argued that the most difficult aspect of this current age is that "once it's on the internet, you can never get it off". But other than that, I don't think much has changed regarding what kids are exposed to.

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i think its more of the ease of access.

It wasn't that hard to look at/find porn when i was a kid, but its a lot easier now.

CCred92 said:

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Obviously used this method with guns as well as vehicles. Lots of life lessons learned on the dear lease in those areas.

But comparing phones to guns is a bit of a stretch to me. Again we didn't monitor phones all that much and it never was a problem. Maybe we got lucky.

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The analogy is that the phone is an incredibly useful device that can be incredibly destructive if misused. It holds whether it is firearms, knives, cars, fire, heavy equipment, etc. Using any of these involves risk but also significant benefits. But we introduce the use of these things in a way that kids take smaller risks they are prepared for and protect them from catastrophic risk that they are unprepared for.

Phones/the Internet/Social Media is one of the biggest dangers/risks that kids face today. Those of us who grew up in the 20th century often don't appreciate it.

Put bark on all of their devices. It only notifies you of things you flag, drugs, sex, violence ext.

Agree w RFD, bark is a good 3rd party monitor. We went w a gryphon router based on advice from my buddy who has kids older than ours. The gryphon system and monitoring app have been excellent.

It allows setting limits on wifi use for the day and has an internal browser monitor to prevent them from stumbling onto sites they don't need to visit. My kids are 12 and 10. You can set Wi-Fi on and off times for the day individually for each kids, specific device time limit (Switch for our son is a big one), and turn the entire Wi-Fi access off w a click while leaving it on for the adults. Many other benefits beyond this post.

We do random phone inspections from time to time on my son's phone (daughter doesn't have a phone) and the devices don't stay in their rooms after bedtime.

The device battle and tech are by far the hardest part of parenting kids this age in this current era of society. It's not even close. Can't tell you how much conflict the request for device time brings in our home. Thankfully my wife and I are on the same page and we are willing to fight the battle to make sure they don't overdo it.

Our expectations for device time - They have to do at least one extra curricular. They have to make expected grades in school and do their chores. They have to tell the truth and honor/respect their mother.