Need a little advice...

Long story short - got a call from my manager, proposing me stepping into a highly visible job at my company. Not necessarily a promotion (no raise) and the job is a bit of a grinder, but I am currently just basically a cog in the machine on my current job with moderate visibility just to those on my project. New job would be highly visible to VP-level. I was definitely excited for the opportunity and jumped at the opportunity letting them know I was interested. Seemed like it just needed buy-in from one or two people.

Fast forward a few days and I get word that I didn't get it. No big deal, I don't get everything that is proposed. Then I find out the reasoning - a higher up (and a guy I've known for 10 years outside of work and am not close to but would consider him a friend) stepped in and said I was too important on my current project. I am 100% not too important and could be replaced within a few weeks with a transition plan. It wouldn't be ideal but it could be done.

My current project is supposed to run for a few more years. I told my manager I understood but was really disappointed in the reasoning. Also told him I was not planning to be on this job in this position for several more years and was not interested in that if it was the long term plan for me. He said he agreed, and was not happy that his choice for the position was vetoed but couldn't do much about it.

So the question - how the heck do I get past this? I love my manager, and I think he is looking out for me the best he can. I've never felt like I had a ceiling where I work. I've been here almost 20 years and really like it and love the people I work with (which is the reason I've never left despite other opportunities). But this last week I've had zero motivation and just can't get the feeling of being backstabbed out of my brain. I understand this is business but it just sucks when they still haven't picked anyone else but basically just said not R32.

Any advice? I know it's probably just man up and get over it, but maybe need someone else to tell me that.

I agree with NoahAg. I would stick it out for a while. See if your manager comes up with something new or better. The only other thing I would add is that things change. You never know what may be happening in the near future.

Thanks y'all. Definitely appreciate the objective point of view on a vague situation. It actually does help.

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My gut would say your 'friend" of 10 years used that too important BS as a cover. He preferred another candidate and doesn't have the sack to say it.

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Could also be shielding you from something you dont know is occurring at that level.

I'd chat with them 1:1 to get the full story. If he says the same thing (you're too important for you to leave), I'd make sure he is aware of your intentions. If still no support, there are only two options: a) make peace with it and accept it, or b) leave.

So too important to leave your current job was the feedback you got. Did you get any actions on how you can make yourself more dispensable in it?

This. I have gotten rewarded jobs for no other reason than someone saw my logo. People get voted into office simply because someone clicked the box next to the name they heard on the radio. Corporate America has almost nothing to do with what you know and everything to do with who you know. I've been removed from it for a while now but my last few jobs were handed to me on Friday for me to walk in Monday. No resume. No interview. Someone just knew me. I had an "in". Far more qualified candidates got beat out because my network was better than theirs. Create your own visibility.

The other thing I never did in corporate America was work for free. I didn't do it then. I don't do it now. I will not chop off 1000 bucks from a bid because someone else was cheaper. I'm not someone else. You're paying for my expertise and I won't cheapen it because someone can't or won't afford it. I'd never take a position that had more responsibility, stress, visibility, whatever for no additional compensation. If it has all of that, it needs to come with a fat raise right now.

You have been at your job for 20 years. That's not because you got lucky. You are valuable and I feel like you'd be better served with networking like you've been doing and insisting you are paid what you are worth.

As for feeling like a cog, everyone that has worked for someone else feels that way at some point. The unfortunate thing is that you are a cog. So is your boss and his boss all the way up to the CEO. Same machine different cogs of varying sizes. All replaceable with a suitable and equally useful cog. Don't get hung up on that.

Thanks everyone. Definitely appreciate the responses!

Probably was being a little dramatic and I can see that. These responses definitely helped with perspective and I really do value that.

Well isn't this timely...I log onto Twitter and the first thing I see is this...

After his second year at Michigan, Tom Brady wanted to transfer.

He wasn't playing in games, and he was so low on the depth chart that he only got 2 reps in practice.

Brady met with his coach to express his frustration, "The other quarterbacks get all the reps."

Coach replied,

"Brady, I want you to stop worrying about what all the other players on our team are doing. All you do is worry about what the starter is doing, what the second guy is doing, what everyone else is doing. You don't worry about what you're doing."

Coach reminded him, "You came here to be the best. If you're going to be the best, you have to beat out the best."

And then he recommended that Brady start meeting with Greg Harden, a sports psychologist who worked in Michigan's athletic department.

Brady went to Harden's office and whined, "I'm never going to get my chance. They're only giving me 2 reps."

Harden simply replied, "Just go out there and focus on doing the best you can with those 2 reps. Make them as perfect as you possibly can."

"So that's what I did," Brady said. "They'd put me in for those 2 reps, man, I'd sprint out there like it was Super Bowl 39. 'Let's go boys! Here we go! What play we got?'"

"And I started to do really well with those 2 reps. Because I brought enthusiasm, I brought energy."

Soon, it went from getting 2 reps to getting 4 reps. Then from 4 to 10, "and before you knew it," Brady said, with this new mindset that Greg instilled in meto focus on what you can control, to focus on what you're getting, not what anyone else is getting, to treat every rep like it's the Super Bowleventually, I became the starter."

Takeaway 1:

Greg Harden telling Brady to just focus on being great during his 2 reps reminded me of a piece of advice from the entrepreneur Mark Cuban.

"People come to me all the time and tell me they're stuck," Cuban explained. "They're stuck in a job they don't like. They're stuck working for a boss they don't like. They're stuck on a team they don't like."

"I just tell them, 'Be great.'"

"The reality of life is that you can't just always quit your job. You can't just always go to your boss and say, 'Give me the promotion, or I'm out of here.'" You can't just always go to your coach and say, 'Give me more reps, or I'm transferring.'

"So when you're stuck, you've gotta find it within yourself to say, 'Ok, this is where I am. And if I'm going to be here, I'm going to be great.'

Because if you're great at your job, typically other people and companies find out, so it creates opportunities."

Takeaway 2:

I've written before about "lead measures"the actions and behaviors that predictably drive success.

The core characteristic of a lead measure, the authors of The 4 Disciplines of Execution (4DX) write, is that "a lead measure is influenceable; it can be directly influenced by you."

To achieve your goals, they recommend (echoing what the Michigan Coach told Brady), apply a disproportionate energy to the things that are in your control.

Starting at Michigan and for the rest of his career, that's what Brady did, that's what drove his success.

In his first media call after he was selected by the New England Patriots with the 199th pick in the 2000 draft, Brady was asked: "Are you aware that [along with starting quarterback, Drew Bledsoe] there's another quarterback here that they drafted last year?"

Brady said he was aware of that. "And I know he's a heck of a player," Brady said. "But I've always really concerned myself just with the things I can control. I don't put a lot of thinking into the other guys because I know I'm not at my best when I'm not just thinking about playing as well as I possibly can."

- - -

"I never once in my life ever said I wanted to be the best of all time. Ever. I wanted to be the best I could be, period. I learned that in college. It didn't matter what the other guys were doing. It mattered what I was doing." Tom Brady

I very much understand where the OP is. I am also a cog, and my boss loves keeping me buried. I have been looking but opportunities in my industry are few and difficult to find. Often with a retirement occurs, the replacement has already been chosen.

I think the advice given to quit worrying about others, and being the best in your role is sound. It is what I am focusing on, and then being ready to pounce when I see an external opportunity.

Rule Number 32 said:

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Also told him I was not planning to be on this job in this position for several more years and was not interested in that if it was the long term plan for me. He said he agreed, and was not happy that his choice for the position was vetoed but couldn't do much about it.

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And that is EXACTLY what you should have done. I have "star" employees and "average" employees. The star employees get recommended for new and better opportunities. I don't want to lose them, so I work to make sure they are happy. If your situation happened to one of my stars, I am in my manager's office with a closed door explaining the situation and demanding that my star be prioritized in the future.

As far as your specific role, I'd try to remove the perception that you are too valuable in your current role. Find an underling and expose them to what you do. Bring them to meetings, and have them deliver reports and answer questions. Only intervene when necessary. Show them that you can be an effective manager, you can transition your role, and you are management material. If nothing changes in 6 months, start looking for another job.

Different but similar…
A few years ago I was in role where I was drastically underpaid. Wasn't my bosses's fault, I had been behind from the time I was hired by someone else. I got hired during a down market and they held the cards.
Anyway, I pushed hard on and he had to get me promoted to get me evened up, But when he did, it was right when the company changed its compensation structure downward and I was left behind again, new role netted me nothing. He had to get me promoted a second time to make me (mostly) whole, which he did, To his credit he fought for me.

I tell that story for two reasons, I had value to my company, and I had a boss (and his boss) that recognized it and fought for me, It sounds like you have the first part, but maybe not the second. I would have an honest conversation with your boss about why this bothers you, and if they can't find a way to make you happy (or happier), then maybe you aren't in the right place. Think about what happens when there's a downturn. Will they fight to keep you then? Or for in place promotions? Or for your fair share of the annual salary pool? Or if you're in sales, for the more desired leads or markets?
Imo,

How did current employer take it when you put in your 2 weeks? They regret their decision not to promote? Did you ever talk to your "friend" that kept you from the promotion?

txaggie_08 said:

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How did current employer take it when you put in your 2 weeks? They regret their decision not to promote? Did you ever talk to your "friend" that kept you from the promotion?

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Current manager isn't terribly happy about it. Said he thought this would happen. I reassured him it has nothing to do with him and wasn't necessarily triggered by the previous event. Honestly it's just a good job that fell into my lap and the timing just worked out.

Haven't talked to my friend but probably will next week. Not sure I want to betray my managers trust anyway so likely not going to bring this up.

Current project is definitely not happy but they wouldn't have been happy if I got the other position anyway.

Don't measure everything with money is my advice. If you think you will get some skills or some other benefit by jumping into the new role even if it has no extra money, take it. You may be able to parley that into a new role somewhere else and create a track record for that.

BOTTOMLINE: Do what is good for YOU. Not the company. Company does not care about you. Or your family. Only YOU cares about YOU.

Rule Number 32 said:

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txaggie_08 said:

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How did current employer take it when you put in your 2 weeks? They regret their decision not to promote? Did you ever talk to your "friend" that kept you from the promotion?

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Current manager isn't terribly happy about it. Said he thought this would happen. I reassured him it has nothing to do with him and wasn't necessarily triggered by the previous event. Honestly it's just a good job that fell into my lap and the timing just worked out.

Haven't talked to my friend but probably will next week. Not sure I want to betray my managers trust anyway so likely not going to bring this up.

Current project is definitely not happy but they wouldn't have been happy if I got the other position anyway.

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if the lateral move and exposure had happened, and this job came up, would you still have entertained/accepted it? If not, then it absolutely had something to do with the previous event.

I didn't see the post saying you were leaving.

You are making the right decision. Obviously no one is 100% certain it will work out, but you needed to move on.

Well today is my first day on vacation between jobs and just noticed some new responses. Definitely feels weird not being at a job today and having no (work related) stress for at least a few days

I found out a little more about why I was blocked my last day and overall I'm glad I decided to make the move. It had a lot less to do with me than I originally thought, and it was more or less an argument between two managers up the chain a little bit. Nothing earth shattering just higher level politics that I've generally managed to avoid most of my career. But if that's how things are run, I'm ok to be headed elsewhere. I know that happens everywhere but I had two different managers my last day explain how unhappy they were with the situation and that they were sad that I was leaving but they understood. Also had several people from earlier in my career reach out that I didn't think would care one way or the other, so it was good to hear from them as well.

Definitely excited to start something new next week. It's going to be very different from what I'm used to, and I can't wait to get in and get started.

Best part is you left without burning a bridge.