Goodness if this author is completely ignorant of incentives in today's modern world.

LINK TO THE ARTICLE

The basic premise of the article being that

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The study found that among men under 30 years old, over 60 percent are single, almost double that of women in the same age bracket.

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Of course the author had some simple revelations and solutions:

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As young women continued to pursue intimate relationships less intently post-pandemic, men could have increased their relationship skills to close the effort gap. They could have confronted their relative avoidance and challenged the gender norms that made them so anxious about intimacy.
They appear to have done the opposite, turning even further away from real-life relationships and into the virtual world.

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Where is the incentive to do so? The author's sole argument is the merit of a relationship should alone be the driving force, despite the facts that the consequences are severe for men if pursuit of that relationship were to turn sour. Regardless I do agree with his partial diagnosis as to why:

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Young men are, in fact, watching a lot of porn. Data from the United States, United Kingdom, Australia, and Italy suggest between 76-87 percent of 18- to 29-year-old men are consuming porn regularly.

One notable finding is that men who use porn more often tend to report less satisfaction with real-life sex (Dwulit & Rzymski, 2019). Even more concerning is a rise in psychogenic-related erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, and diminished libido in men under 40 years old associated with frequent porn use (Park et al., 2016).

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Unfortunately, when a teenager can see more beautiful women than some of history's most powerful rulers, how warped will the psyche of that teen be?

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Faced with the choice between an energy-intensive, highly competitive dating environment and the low-effort rewards of porn, young men appear to be taking the path of least resistance.
These choices will have lasting relational consequences as young men have fewer dating opportunities to develop real-life intimacy skills and competency.

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He does appear to be close to grasping the real issue, incentives, but then he goes off the rails.

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he good news is that all of these young single men can choose differently. They can choose to focus on developing the necessary relationship skills to be more successful in dating. It starts with re-prioritizing the development of close, intimate relationships in their life for their own well-being and as a counterbalance to the shift in priorities for women.
They must do this to reach their fullest potential whether or not they have had great male role models illustrating these efforts.
By no means will dating in 2023 be an emotionally painless process, particularly for heterosexual men who are attempting to date women. Rejection may be a far more common result given competitiveness and higher relationship standards. Therefore, young men must be inoculated to avoidance in their dating life by normalizing women's selectiveness.
Young men simply do not have an option but to counteract a generational inclination toward avoidance and withdrawal. Avoidance perpetuates avoidance and that is the last thing 20-something-year-old men need right now in their life.
Brief therapy or relational coaching can counteract avoidance and offer young men meaningful communication as well as emotional and sexual intimacy skills.

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Yep, his solution is simply to choose an option that is disincentivized for most men. For most dating apps, the top 20% of men date the top 80% of the women. If a relationship does go sour, women initiate 80% of breakups and divorce.

In my personal belief there is are a couple major issues for each gender.

• For men it is pornography and the lack of incentive to date especially if they're in the bottom 80%. I think this is perhaps the largest cultural rot that our society has refused to acknowledge to date.
• For women it's the lie that their career is their most important goal in life and will always be, for the vast majority that see it through it will be an empty and sad future. They will find that those top 20% will show less and less interest as they age. Additionally, if the only thing women bring to the relationship is sex, then men have more incentive to stick with porn rather than choose her.
  

Frankly what I find most funny is that the author expects men to be altruistic and willingly enter the meat market of the current dating world, knowing that the vast majority of them will be soundly rejected into oblivion. Very few are capable of making the self improvement choice and additionally cut porn from their lives.

20% of the guy get 80% of the women, whether of casual dating, serious relationships, or just hookups.

Women have this insane expectation today and most men cannot check the boxes.

Also, we've all seen the Hot-Crazy Matrix, but skip to the 6 minute mark about the reverse.

Feminism ruined men and women. Change my mind.

In fairness to the women, I think a lot of the women are lying in this poll. Why? Because STD rates don't show any of this. If you go by STD rates, promiscuous people only sleep with promiscuous people and generally the ratio for sex with men to women is close to 1 to 1 for lifetime partners on average. If it was truly 80/20 then you would expect to see nodes of men who are super spreaders for STDs, but that doesn't happen and these nodes don't exist.

Surveys are notoriously unreliable information.

Also, women notoriously lie on surveys about relationships and sex, much moreso than men.

https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn3936-fake-lie-detector-reveals-womens-sex-lies

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Women hooked up to fake lie detector machines report almost twice the number of sexual partners as women hooked up to no such machine.

"Women who thought their responses might be read said they had had an average of 2.6 sexual partners ... But those who thought they would be caught out by the polygraph reported an average of 4.4 partners." Men, however, "did not vary significantly. Those attached to the lie-detector reported an average of 4.0 partners compared with 3.7 for men who thought their answers would be read."

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Basically, it's shameful for women to not be in a relationship so the women are more likely to lie about it for the same reason they would lie about their number of sex partners. Also, by the stats above it's basically a 1 to 1 ratio of sex partners, which again proves the STD data.

With all that said, modern dating is a disaster and gender dynamics have never been worse. The bigger issues are the rise of men and women who are becoming hermits due to increasing social isolation from the internet. Further, within Gen Z men and women are addicted to porn at equal rates.

I can only imagine how bad it will get when AI begins expanding into porn and other avenues of dating life. It will get really really bad.

Occam's razor says that pr0n now is a better deal than modern women.

I remember when my son was dating in High School. I many times argued with him about trying to carry out relationships through texting. There was a visceral revulsion to the idea of actually talking to his girlfriends on the phone, much less in person. And he was not unique in this. All his friends were like that.

American Hardwood said:

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Feminism ruined men and women. Change my mind.

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Feminism turned women into men. It is natural for a relationship to be best when there are complimentary aspects not same aspects. So now dating is about finding you that you are attracted to. Which is very narcissistic and self defeating. Because if the other is a much better version of you. You will be jealous. If they are worse you will be bored and look for something better. Only humble people make this work.

Meanwhile a person that has complimentary skills makes your life better as they are better without it being a threat to the value you add.

There are other ways to meet women outside of apps, church and the workplace ranking up there. Proximity Effect theory states that women spending daily time with a potential life partner find him more attractive over time, regardless of outward appearance.

https://www.neuroscience.org.uk/proximity-mere-exposure-effect-social-psychology/

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20% of the guy get 80% of the women, whether of casual dating, serious relationships, or just hookups.


Women have this insane expectation today and most men cannot check the boxes.

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Where does this "data" come from? It's certainly not what I see going on out there, especially for women over 40. Their standards drop considerably. Regardless of age, I see tons of men clearly not in the top 20% out there getting some action. Honestly, it bewilders me how often I see a 30ish year old man with a dad bod holding hands with some hot chick.

Speaking as someone dating in their early 30s, I can tell you the prevalence of delusion among similar aged women has absolutely spiked. Men have their issues as well, to be sure. But if we want to play this continued game where every bad trend every is 100% on guys, none of this is going to improve. Because that's not reality.

Women, at least younger women, have become noticeably more narcissistic, shallow, and delusional as of late, probably a lot of it due to social media. At least in my personal experience. I actually read somewhere that like 40 - 50% of women now go after the top 10% of guys (however that is measured) and then wonder why that math doesn't work for the majority of them. In other words, a lot of women who expect a man to check every box in the book while not bringing anything special to the table themselves. This isn't sustainable.

Dating is definitely largely broken, but I really have no idea how you fix it.

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The study found that among men under 30 years old, over 60 percent are single, almost double that of women in the same age bracket.

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How can you have such a large disparity between genders? Are there that many lesbians?

Rodney Ruxin said:

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but I really have no idea how you fix it.

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Dating shouldn't be relegated to algorithms and online.

You fix it by actually speaking with living breathing potential partners. Chemistry is not something to be algorithmed.

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The study found that among men under 30 years old, over 60 percent are single, almost double that of women in the same age bracket.

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How can you have such a large disparity between genders? Are there that many lesbians?

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No, they're dating guys like me.

Tex117 said:

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Rodney Ruxin said:

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but I really have no idea how you fix it.

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Dating shouldn't be relegated to algorithms and online.

You fix it by actually speaking with living breathing potential partners. Chemistry is not something to be algorithmed.

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I definitely agree with that. Unfortunately a lot easier said than done, hard to walk this stuff back. But yes, I think dating apps have been disastrous for both men and women. It idealizes men so much that women's standards are way out of whack, and guys who can get laid a lot use it to do just that, get laid a lot. So then you end up with a lot of women who don't realize it was just "their turn" with a bunch of guys rather than that guy seriously considering a relationship, and then they have to face a really difficult reality check as they get older.

That, and it just leads to people having no f***ing clue how to look someone in the eye and carry meaningful conversation.

Rodney Ruxin said:

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Speaking as someone dating in their early 30s, I can tell you the prevalence of delusion among similar aged women has absolutely spiked. Men have their issues as well, to be sure. But if we want to play this continued game where every bad trend every is 100% on guys, none of this is going to improve. Because that's not reality.

Women, at least younger women, have become noticeably more narcissistic, shallow, and delusional as of late, probably a lot of it due to social media. At least in my personal experience. I actually read somewhere that like 40 - 50% of women now go after the top 10% of guys (however that is measured) and then wonder why that math doesn't work for the majority of them. In other words, a lot of women who expect a man to check every box in the book while not bringing anything special to the table themselves. This isn't sustainable.

Dating is definitely largely broken, but I really have no idea how you fix it.

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Do modern American women seriously not realize they are competing with Filipino and other Asian women, who have an entirely different and much more traditional mindset about relationships?

I have to chime in a little on this even though my situation different. I'm not single and under thirty but rather divorced and 44. I've only been divorced for 2 1/2 years but I can tell you what my experience has been so far and why I think it's different for me.

For starters I already have children and am not planning on having any more. So that primal need to pass on my genes/legacy has already been fulfilled. I don't need to actively seek out a relationship to meet this need like someone in their twenties.

Second, my divorce was not "ugly" but it wasn't great either. The basic gist is that we grew apart after twenty years of marriage and she found someone else that fit the person she had become. While that sucks on one end, it also meant that I didn't have to lose my ass in the divorce as I had not done anything improper. In the end, even though I lost half my retirement I made out in a great way because the major drain on my finances had been eliminated. She would have driven us into the ground for a new Louis Vuitton and a fancy car any day of the week. I'm fine unloading that burden.

Now this gets me to where I am now and whether or not to get into another relationship. Before I continue, I should add that with the elimination of the drain on my finances came a freedom I had never known in my adult life. This freedom came with me being able to take control of my own finances and acting in a responsible way. I handle my money appropriately where she never had in the years we were married. I am actually able to go on a guided archery elk this coming fall where in the past I had to have a continuous argument just to be able to hunt the family's place for whitetail every year, and then justify the processing fee.

I have attempted to date since my divorce but three things always stop me and I opt out. 1. I like my freedom now and am in no hurry to end it. I like not having to answer to anyone about where I want to go and things I want to do. 2. I don't need to be changed. It always starts off as the little things. "Oh, you should wear this" and "Oh, you should try that". I'm fine with who I am. If you don't like it then you need to find someone else who is what you want. I'm past the age of being molded just to make someone happy. 3. Women, and I'm not saying all of them, but a good portion of them, are looking for someone to take care of them at the age I'm dating. I'm in the process of raising three children. I don't need someone else to support. It comes off in a desperate way that is they know they are getting older and want to latch on to anything that can help them when they do. I'm not interested. I can take care of myself. I don't need you to do it for me and I am not in a place where I want to do it for someone else. I'm not saying this is all women but a significant share.

And just one final thing to add and I want to make sure this is said correctly. I think it's lazy to just label women as crazy but... Maybe it's just that I'm older and certain personality traits seem highly irrational to me. Maybe it's that I've been on the TexAgs Politics too much. I don't know, but I will say that I wait a long time to tell someone where I live and if I do and it goes bad, I park my truck in the garage for about a week afterward.

In summary, it's cheaper and less aggravating to be single.

UTExan said:

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Rodney Ruxin said:

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Speaking as someone dating in their early 30s, I can tell you the prevalence of delusion among similar aged women has absolutely spiked. Men have their issues as well, to be sure. But if we want to play this continued game where every bad trend every is 100% on guys, none of this is going to improve. Because that's not reality.

Women, at least younger women, have become noticeably more narcissistic, shallow, and delusional as of late, probably a lot of it due to social media. At least in my personal experience. I actually read somewhere that like 40 - 50% of women now go after the top 10% of guys (however that is measured) and then wonder why that math doesn't work for the majority of them. In other words, a lot of women who expect a man to check every box in the book while not bringing anything special to the table themselves. This isn't sustainable.

Dating is definitely largely broken, but I really have no idea how you fix it.

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Do modern American women seriously not realize they are competing with Filipino and other Asian women, who have an entirely different and much more traditional mindset about relationships?

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Funny you mention that, there's actually a trend now where a lot of guys are going overseas to find a partner. And no, not mail order bride sh*t, just actual genuine women who aren't narcissistic and empty. Apparently the difference is pretty noticeable, which isn't surprising. Now I don't think it's some huge trend, but it is growing.

And this is not meant to be taken as bashing women, quite the opposite. They are the ones who are going to suffer in the long-run from trends like this. Women got played with dating apps, and very few of them seem to realize it.

Geddy Lee soul patch said:

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The study found that among men under 30 years old, over 60 percent are single, almost double that of women in the same age bracket.

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How can you have such a large disparity between genders? Are there that many lesbians?

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Tell me you've never been seeing at least 3 women at once without saying you've never been seeing at least 3 women at once.

American Hardwood said:

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I remember when my son was dating in High School. I many times argued with him about trying to carry out relationships through texting. There was a visceral revulsion to the idea of actually talking to his girlfriends on the phone, much less in person. And he was not unique in this. All his friends were like that.

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Yeah...not good. Before I met my wife I noticed most women my age were this way. They could be charming as hell over text and then complete duds in person.

If we keep going down this road people are just going to get more and more awkward and isolated.

Rodney Ruxin said:

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Tex117 said:

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Rodney Ruxin said:

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but I really have no idea how you fix it.

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Dating shouldn't be relegated to algorithms and online.

You fix it by actually speaking with living breathing potential partners. Chemistry is not something to be algorithmed.

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I definitely agree with that. Unfortunately a lot easier said than done, hard to walk this stuff back. But yes, I think dating apps have been disastrous for both men and women. It idealizes men so much that women's standards are way out of whack, and guys who can get laid a lot use it to do just that, get laid a lot. So then you end up with a lot of women who don't realize it was just "their turn" with a bunch of guys rather than that guy seriously considering a relationship, and then they have to face a really difficult reality check as they get older.

That, and it just leads to people having no f***ing clue how to look someone in the eye and carry meaningful conversation.

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Pretty much this. It really is pretty sad.

Would like to see the article explaining what women need to change and similar things form OP.

Dating today SUCKS. If something was to happen between me and the SO, I am done with it. Shift 100% of my focus to my hobbies, travelling and family. It simply isnt worth it anymore.

I saw a clip from some random podcast where the host had his producer use the 2020 census data to prove a point. He had the 3-4 women on set come up with the least acceptable man based on age, body type, income, number of kids.

Their least acceptable man (and this was multiple groups of women having basically the same requirements) was 25-50, physically fit, $100K income, and 0 kids. That was 0.1% of men.

They dropped income to $70K and that ballooned the percentage to 0.4%.

And those requirements seem to be across the board with women on these podcasts. So 80% of the women are really competing for 1% of men.

Leftists: "our society works - it just keeps getting stymied by these pesky people who wont act counter to their human nature!"

I am butt fugly on a good day. Thank God I duped one lady and don't have to be involved in dating these days.

Rodney Ruxin said:

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Women, at least younger women, have become noticeably more narcissistic, shallow, and delusional as of late, probably a lot of it due to social media. At least in my personal experience. I actually read somewhere that like 40 - 50% of women now go after the top 10% of guys (however that is measured) and then wonder why that math doesn't work for the majority of them. In other words, a lot of women who expect a man to check every box in the book while not bringing anything special to the table themselves.

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this X1,000,000,000

A_Gang_Ag_06 said:

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In summary, it's cheaper and less aggravating to be single.

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Its entirely logical to come to this conclusion. And yet...you get articles like this one that doesn't question the fundamental premise (Ie, marriage is better).

For some (not all, but some), its just better to be single rather than in some miserable marriage. And for you, already having 3 kids...psh...I don't know why you'd bother.

Icecream_Ag said:

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I saw a clip from some random podcast where the host had his producer use the 2020 census data to prove a point. He had the 3-4 women on set come up with the least acceptable man based on age, body type, income, number of kids.

Their least acceptable man (and this was multiple groups of women having basically the same requirements) was 25-50, physically fit, $100K income, and 0 kids. That was 0.1% of men.

They dropped income to $70K and that ballooned the percentage to 0.4%.

And those requirements seem to be across the board with women on these podcasts. So 80% of the women are really competing for 1% of men.

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This is insane. And this is coming from someone who makes just about that amount (100+), has zero kids, and am relatively (but nothing special) in shape. You can't have math like this and expect things not to fall apart in a horrible way.

Women date like people shop on house hunters

"I want a man who is 6 feet tall, makes 100k, isn't fat, wants kids, and drives X car. I'm 36, with 3 kids by 2 fathers, never married, and live on child support. I'm a 10."

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I have attempted to date since my divorce but three things always stop me and I opt out. 1. I like my freedom now and am in no hurry to end it. I like not having to answer to anyone about where I want to go and things I want to do. 2. I don't need to be changed. It always starts off as the little things. "Oh, you should wear this" and "Oh, you should try that". I'm fine with who I am. If you don't like it then you need to find someone else who is what you want. I'm past the age of being molded just to make someone happy.

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I can appreciate the above. After almost 20 years of being with a sexy, but bossy and quick to anger woman, I don't suffer that sh/t at all anymore. The first time a woman decides she wants to create drama out of nothing I am out the door. Amazing how easy it is when they have no leverage on you (kids).

I'm convinced another contributing factor is dating 'reality' shows. These rotgut shows create absurd distortions of reality in what relationships and dating should look like and for what it's purpose should be.

White people and East Asians be jacked up. To my knowledge, you only get this hyper shallow unrealistic BS in these countries. America and Japan have to be the worst. For different reasons.

The further we stray from God and his principles, the worse it will get too.

Pornography, hyper-consumerism, social media, abandonment of religion, dumbing down of the populace...it's a complex web of factors imo.

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White people and East Asians be jacked up. To my knowledge, you only get this hyper shallow unrealistic BS in these countries. America and Japan have to be the worst. For different reasons.

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If true, I'd be genuinely curious why that is, given there are plenty more "westernized" countries with the same access to dating apps and social media. Something in our culture specifically, I suppose?

Geddy Lee soul patch said:

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The study found that among men under 30 years old, over 60 percent are single, almost double that of women in the same age bracket.

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How can you have such a large disparity between genders? Are there that many lesbians?

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If you believe everything you read, then this is actually a problem. I have no idea how really true it is but you are seeing massive numbers of younger people who are now claiming to be gay or at least fluid. If more and more women are choosing to be gay then you obviously have decreased the gene pool.

In reality, a lot of that is just virtue signaling because media and entertainment have made gays out to be the coolest demo and people want to be cool...so now they are gay. Even if they really aren't gay, they may be choosing not to participate in heterosexual relationships while they are explore being gay.

I got divorced and dated on the cusp of this current hellscape of dating. We had match.com and that was about it. Apps didn't exist because iPhone didn't exist until 2007. I got married in early 2007 so I got to miss all of this...thank god.

Geddy Lee soul patch said:

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The study found that among men under 30 years old, over 60 percent are single, almost double that of women in the same age bracket.

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How can you have such a large disparity between genders? Are there that many lesbians?

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I was wondering the same thing. Has to be a red flag in the data. There aren't that many women that many older men.