nortex97 said:
*****Official Funny Political Tweet Thread*****
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Last: 2 hrs ago by Tumble Weed
China Threatens To Fire Senators Who Voted For TikTok Ban
BEIJING China's President Xi issued a stern warning to American politicians this week, vowing that any members of Congress who dare to vote for a ban on TikTok will be fired from their jobs.
"We hired all you American legislators to do one job: weaken and destroy America from within," said Xi gravely. "If you can't prove your fealty to the glorious CCP who graciously put you in your position, it will go on your performance review, and trust me you don't want that to happen."
Already, lawmakers in Washington are backing away from supporting legislation that would ban the use of TikTok on government devices, although they insist it has nothing to do with the Chinese threat. "I just really like TikTok!" said Representative Eric Swalwell. "Fang Fang is on there! Um, I mean, it's so fun and creative!"
"I believe we need to think twice about banning this wonderful app," said Senator Mitch McConnell. "Have you seen the dancing girls on there? Such talent!"
President Xi has warned any lawmakers running for reelection that he won't secretly support their campaigns unless they comply. At publishing time, Army Chief of Staff General Milley had instructed his entire chain of command to download the app.
Courtesy of The Babylon Bee
BEIJING China's President Xi issued a stern warning to American politicians this week, vowing that any members of Congress who dare to vote for a ban on TikTok will be fired from their jobs.
"We hired all you American legislators to do one job: weaken and destroy America from within," said Xi gravely. "If you can't prove your fealty to the glorious CCP who graciously put you in your position, it will go on your performance review, and trust me you don't want that to happen."
Already, lawmakers in Washington are backing away from supporting legislation that would ban the use of TikTok on government devices, although they insist it has nothing to do with the Chinese threat. "I just really like TikTok!" said Representative Eric Swalwell. "Fang Fang is on there! Um, I mean, it's so fun and creative!"
"I believe we need to think twice about banning this wonderful app," said Senator Mitch McConnell. "Have you seen the dancing girls on there? Such talent!"
President Xi has warned any lawmakers running for reelection that he won't secretly support their campaigns unless they comply. At publishing time, Army Chief of Staff General Milley had instructed his entire chain of command to download the app.
Courtesy of The Babylon Bee
"Why are we mainstreaming delusion?"
"You're not being polite to the pronouns"
"You cut that out now unless you want to go home in an ambulance"
Aggie12B said:
If that's real, I'd honestly be impressed
Took me a minute to figure out bunt
Me too. And it is spelled bundt.FrioAg 00 said:
Took me a minute to figure out bunt
It took me a second....
c-word in a bundt
c-word in a bundt
Wild West Pimp Style
ravingfans said:
"Why are we mainstreaming delusion?"
"You're not being polite to the pronouns"
"You cut that out now unless you want to go home in an ambulance"
Next time he should take Gina Carano with him.
— O Christmas G (@justthatG_uy) December 17, 2022
No profession in America praises itself more than journalists. I’m not even sure what second place is. I do know if we lost 90% of our truck drivers the country would be totally fucked. If we lost 90% of our journalists most people wouldn’t notice & country would be fine. https://t.co/TkJI2t8BOa
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) December 16, 2022
Imagine if you will, a world where inappropriate remarks in the workplace are considered sexual harassment, but teaching kindergartners about sexual deviancy is not.
— Kevin Sorbo (@ksorbs) December 15, 2022
Geralt of Rivia said:— O Christmas G (@justthatG_uy) December 17, 2022
I'm gonna use that one
It’s hilarious that in the space of two weeks @elonmusk got the left to stop yelling that free speech is a threat to democracy & start yelling that censorship (against them) is violence.
— Liz Wheeler (@Liz_Wheeler) December 16, 2022
Christmas Canceled After Sam Brinton Steals Santa’s Sackhttps://t.co/Veb6Tu9kMI
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) December 17, 2022
thanks, otherwise I would not have gotten that one. the c-word is not part of my natural vocabulary...FrioAg 00 said:
Took me a minute to figure out bunt
isn't this because 90% of journalists are NOT journalists, but think of themselves as Change Agents?Biz Ag said:No profession in America praises itself more than journalists. I’m not even sure what second place is. I do know if we lost 90% of our truck drivers the country would be totally fucked. If we lost 90% of our journalists most people wouldn’t notice & country would be fine. https://t.co/TkJI2t8BOa
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) December 16, 2022
Suspending Olbermann seems particularly cruel. He's been fired from every place he's ever worked, and now a place he didn't. pic.twitter.com/KLhoyggdr4
— jimtreacher.substack.com (@jtLOL) December 16, 2022
is sammy on hormones or does he just stuff with tissues?CoppellAg93 said:Christmas Canceled After Sam Brinton Steals Santa’s Sackhttps://t.co/Veb6Tu9kMI
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) December 17, 2022
not Australian I see. That's most aussies' pronounsravingfans said:thanks, otherwise I would not have gotten that one. the c-word is not part of my natural vocabulary...FrioAg 00 said:
Took me a minute to figure out bunt
Geralt of Rivia said:Suspending Olbermann seems particularly cruel. He's been fired from every place he's ever worked, and now a place he didn't. pic.twitter.com/KLhoyggdr4
— jimtreacher.substack.com (@jtLOL) December 16, 2022
As one person replied, I guess he FAFO'd.
It’s kind of ironic that 80 FBI agents were monitoring joke and satire on Twitter just to become laughing stock of the country themselves.
— I Meme Therefore I Am 🇺🇸 (@ImMeme0) December 17, 2022
You made me curious, so I looked up the article. The 'fire if the trigger is pulled' line is from the article. The concept of some guns not having safeties is foreign to journalists.
There were three similar incidents in 2015:Quote:
Unlike a gun with a traditional safety, a Glock will fire if the trigger is pulled making the discovery of an unattended gun in the Capitol complex particularly concerning.
Pretty sure what is happening is these guys don't want to put their gun on the floor when dropping their pants so they remove it from the holster and put it in the seat cover holder or on the counter or somewhere and then they're getting up and walking out with it. I'd guess they're reading their phones while using the facilities, distracting themselves, and that is why they don't immediately miss the weight on their hip when they walk out. In the case of the lieutenant, I'm not sure how you leave work without your service weapon, but maybe he normally puts it in a locker before he goes home?Quote:
- A member of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's security detail left his Glock and magazine stuffed in the toilet seat cover holder of a Capitol Visitor Center bathroom stall in January 2015, where a CVC worker found the gun.
- A member of Speaker John A. Boehner's dignitary protection team left a loaded firearm in the bathroom of Ohio Republican's office suite in March 2015, where a 7- or 8-year-old child visiting the Capitol with his parents found the weapon.
- A third Glock was found in April 2015 by custodial staff cleaning the Capitol Police headquarters building on D Street Northeast.
Wild West Pimp Style
Not political, just funny.
I’ve often wondered how I managed to convince Herself to marry me. But I think this was probably her thought process at the time… pic.twitter.com/3yE4hvjxN1
— Big Daddy (@bigdaddyofnine) December 17, 2022
TRUMP SINGS "HUNTER THE WHITE NOSED CRACKHEAD"#Trump #MAGA #CaptainDeplorable #rudolphtherednosedreindeer #Christmas #ChristmasCarols #USA pic.twitter.com/KW1emOWdQ7
— Shawn Farash ❌🐻 (@Shawn_Farash) December 17, 2022
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