DOJ Indicts Trump For Biden's Possession Of Classified Documents

WASHINGTON, DC After multiple caches of highly classified government documents were found in different locations belonging to President Joe Biden, the United States Department of Justice acted swiftly to indict former President Donald Trump for the alleged crime.
"This is a serious violation of federal regulations," Attorney General Merrick Garland said in a press briefing announcing the indictment. "We will take all measures available to the Justice Department to hold Donald Trump accountable for President Biden being found in possession of these documents."
"No one is above the law."
Sensitive documents related to Ukraine, Iran, and the UK were found in an office used by Biden at the University of Pennsylvania, though investigations as to what Biden was doing for the University were still ongoing. "President Biden played such a vital role here at the University," said school spokesperson Barry Windham. "He was the head of various committees here at the school, including the…the, uh…he... so many things."
When news of the indictment broke, Trump was quick to offer his response. "How can they indict me for something Biden did? How does that make any sense?" the former President said in a post to his Truth Social account. "I was in possession of the most beautiful, perfectly filed documents WHICH I DECLASSIFIED MYSELF. This is just another WITCH HUNT! WRONG!"
At publishing time, more searches were reportedly already underway at other locations belonging to Biden, including his White House nap room and his Spongebob Squarepants lunchbox, in hopes of gathering more evidence to use against Donald Trump.

Courtesy of The Babylon Bee

Chaos After Buttigieg Falls Asleep on 'Shut Down All Air Travel' Button Again

WASHINGTON, DC The Federal Aviation Administration has shut down flights after Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg fell asleep on the department's "SHUT DOWN ALL AIR TRAVEL" Button once again. Buttigieg fell asleep on the Button on Tuesday morning, grinding domestic air travel to a halt.
"This is the third time this has happened," said a frustrated Transportation Undersecretary Janet Higgins. "We had discussed internally the amount of care we needed to take when in the vicinity of the button, and we had even discussed moving it."
"Why do we even have that button anyway?"
According to sources, Buttigieg had been visibly tired during a recent meeting. "He looked beat," said a Transportation aide who wished to remain anonymous. "Some of us even suggested he should go home, take a nap, or move away from the button."
While some find the Secretary of Transportation once again accidentally shutting down air travel unacceptable, others felt the incident was overblown. "People don't like Mayor Pete because he's gay," said a source close to Buttigieg. "Complaining about him accidentally halting domestic travel twice in 72 hours is simply an excuse for their latent homophobia. Besides, being a gay icon is exhausting work. He deserves a nap every once in a while."
A representative from the DOT released a statement that read, in part, "We are currently investigating how this could have happened and taking steps to ensure that it never happens again." There is no word yet on why a "SHUT DOWN ALL AIR TRAVEL" button exists in the first place and why it is so conveniently located.

Courtesy of The Babylon Bee[url=https://babylonbeelive.com/][/url]

Big story coming tomorrow:

Hillary’s server was also in Joe’s garage.

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) January 13, 2023

Classified information stolen by the vice-president of the United States was available to his crackhead son Hunter who had suspicious “business” interests in China. This is where we are.

— First Words (@unscriptedmike) January 13, 2023

The NY Post front page today: pic.twitter.com/F1HyTQmuGy

— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) January 13, 2023

pic.twitter.com/w83QWnjvUz

— Rothmus 🏴 (@Rothmus) January 12, 2023

So much anger & passion about gas stoves in homes. Look, I don't worry about it.

That's because I wear my n95 mask when cooking at home, alone, as you should too. #covidisnotover #itsneverover #newvariantsalwaysworse #masks4alland4ever

— Vinay Prasad MD MPH (@VPrasadMDMPH) January 12, 2023

Just substitute “opportunity” anytime you hear the word “emergency” as it relates to Covid, and everything will make so much more sense.

— AJ Kay (@AJKayWriter) January 12, 2023

I knew it!

The bat soup that started COVID was cooked on a gas stove.

— PETRIFIED COVID PARENT (@covid_parent) January 13, 2023

Facts don't matter!

NET ZERO - A reminder. The truth is political not environmental.

The U.K. government can’t even define what it is but we’re still ‘leading the world’ apparently 🤷‍♀️

pic.twitter.com/ZZQ6DHLFVR

— Bernie's Tweets (@BernieSpofforth) January 13, 2023

annie88 said:

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Come and Bake It?

He's right, you know...

If we continue to allow "activist science" to dictate how we live, the government feels more empowered to stick its nose into our everyday business.

If something is genuinely dangerous, show *good* evidence of this, and allow people to make informed decisions for themselves.

— Eric (@The_OtherET) January 13, 2023

During the Spanish Flu pandemic, patients were brought outside to be exposed to sunlight. Guess why... pic.twitter.com/tJnuOFxBhh

— Dr. Simon Goddek (@goddeketal) January 13, 2023

pic.twitter.com/e7KaTEQSI8

— Declaration of Memes (@libertycappy) January 13, 2023

And finally...

pic.twitter.com/phf07PNzCP

— Dr. Simon Goddek (@goddeketal) January 13, 2023

justcallmeharry said:

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He’s unraveled the secret plan:

Hunter planted the China docs in Joe’s corvette! https://t.co/qK4msbdMJm

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) January 13, 2023

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I just had to add this link. Mainly because I have a lot of admiration for Admiral Robert Willard for keeping his composure after he was asked the question. There is no way I could have pulled that off.

How long until they blame all the sudden deaths on gas stoves?

— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) January 13, 2023

Democratic Women’s Caucus Wears Matching White Butcher Coats In Support Of Abortion https://t.co/vhIrmtx7Mj

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) January 13, 2023

I made it safely to Louisiana.

Pete Buttigieg didn’t cancel my flight & Sam Brinton didn’t take my luggage.

— #ThePersistence (@ScottPresler) January 12, 2023

ThunderFighter06 said:

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All the virtue signals!

The most venomous people on earth are the ones with these signs by their house: pic.twitter.com/tnSnTDkK7b

— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) January 10, 2023

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I have been thinking of putting up one of these empty wire frames for yard signs and hanging a handwritten note on it "VIRTUE SIGNALLING DEVICE CURRENTLY OUT OF ORDER"

pic.twitter.com/7mLCGIOm60

— Michael Scaglione (@Scagz89) January 12, 2023