Dear El Sid et al:

In one of the ubiquitous Mormon threads I noticed that you, in your signature line, had a comment about "A horse is a horse of course of course unless it's a Book of Mormon horse."

I was reminded of the folks at FAIR/FARMS who had previously stated that the horses in the Book of Mormon were not horses at all, they were actually tapirs.

Not sure if you've ever been to a small town FFA rodeo but I've never participated in nor seen saddle tapir or bareback tapir riding in any of the ones I've been to.

But I digress. I'm guessing you might vaguely recall the Beatles and perhaps even remember a song called "Paperback Rider."

quote:

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Tapir-Back Riders
Tune: "Paperback Writer" by the Beatles

Dear Sir or Madam will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
It's based on a novel by a man named Joe
And the main idea is the Lamanites were
Tapir-back riders
Tapir-back riders

See, the Nephites came to the promised land
And those damn exmos just don't understand
That when they said "horse" they meant something else
But it all makes sense if you know that they were
Tapir-back riders
Tapir-back riders

I know the whole thing doesn't hold up well
If you take it literally, but what the hell
There’s this group of guys that work at FARMS
And they can save the whole thing by postulating Tapir-back riders
Tapir-back riders

They say the book is really history
If so where's the proof? Ah, a mystery
External evidence is perpetually due
Apparently the best that they can do is
Tapir-back riders
Tapir-back riders

What the folks at FARMS don’t seem to understand
Is we want the truth, not sleight of hand
The Church asks for all, but gives nothing back
The best they have to offer is a team of hacks with
Tapir-back riders
Tapir-back riders

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One other I really liked was this little number to tune of "50 ways to leave your lover":

quote:

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50 Ways to Use the Priesthood

(Tune: 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon)

The power is all inside your head, she said to me
It’s just an illusion once you see it logically
I said, don’t mock me. I’m an elder, can’t you see?
There must be fifty ways to use the priesthood

She said, I know you think the power’s in your hand
You believe that God and nature will respond to your command
If that’s true, then why’s your life not going like you planned
If you have fifty ways to use the priesthood?
Fifty ways to use the priesthood

There’s talking to God, Rod
Blessing the sick, Dick
Pray on the bread, Fred
Then pass it to me
Home teaching and splits, Fritz
As righteous as this gets
Just lock up the hall, Paul
‘Cause you’ve got the key

I have more power in my pinkie than the pope
She smiled and chuckled and replied, At least you hope
Then I realized that they’d played me for a dope
About the fifty ways

She said, why don’t you skip your meetings just one night
And think it over later when your garments aren’t so tight
Then she kissed me and I realized I had to choose the right
There can’t be fifty ways to use the priesthood
Fifty ways to use the priesthood

No work for the dead, Fred
No tithing for you, Lou
No sorrow and guilt, Wilt
Just listen to me
No bossing my mate, Nate
No doing what I hate
I’ve got to be me, Lee
And get myself free

Sing a new hymn, Jim
Get a new schpiel, Neal
Tell a few jokes, Oaks
It’s plain as can be
Don’t lie for the Lord, Gord
Don’t sit in your ward bored
Just try to avoid Boyd
And get yourself free

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Note: the above songs are, to the best of my knowledge, considered part of the public domain

tapir-back RIDERS! i could hear the song in my head while i read it.

More: www.salamandersociety.com/media/movies/tapir_whisperer/

Hey El Sid, the mystery is solved. They were horses....but got transformed into tapirs...

quote:

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One thing that has always disturbed me is the absense of horses in America during the time of the Lehites. Even the FAIR articles didn't help me. But yesterday I read the Book of Mormon and it said how the Lamanites were cursed with dark skin and that's when I realized that the horses were also cursed. After all, if god wanted the Lamanites to be unappealing, he wouldn't just give them dark skin, he would also give them ugly horses. He wouldn't let them continue to ride beautiful, majestic creatures. An ugly guy in a ferrarri can still get laid, but an ugly guy in a Pacer is screwed, and not in the good way. God basically took away the Lamanite's Ferraries and made them drive Pacers. That way, they were even more unappealing to the white women. It makes total sense. If god can change the Lamanite skin color and DNA, surely he can turn their horses into tapirs.

I prayed to God about my theory and he told me it is true. He was grateful that I studied it out in my mind before coming to him. The holy ghost has born witness to me that I am right. I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Book of Mormon horse was turned into a tapir because of the Lamanite curse.

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