So, I know I'm rarely here, but wanted to give an update given how important this community has been since my undergrad days:
On Pentecost Sunday in 2024, I first visited an Orthodox Church. The day prior, I was at the local Pride festival. I was a prominent person in the LGBT community here in my city, so I had to go. It felt hollow to me that day. The next day, I visited an Antiochian Orthodox Church, and encountered God in a way I never had. That sent me down a path of exploration. But to properly explore, I had to do so with all things on the table.
I couldn't cling to parts of life if I truly wanted to be open to God transforming me. Then I went through my first Great Lent. Including the Canon of St Andrew of Crete / Life of St Mary of Egypt service. I left in tears. I then went to a Wednesday class and learned about the Orthodox view on the sanctity of the physical body.
The entire time, from Oct 2024 - today, I've been meeting with my priest. I was very open about the trans issue. They never once told me to detransition. They just encouraged me to participate in the life of the Church, and to be patient. To be silent. To listen for God. So I did. I had even approached my priest last September and said I was ready to detransition. He advised that I not make that decision yet.
See, he knows the enormity of the decision, and he knew that why I make the decision is important as well. He didn't want me to make that decision in order to become Orthodox. So I waited. I prayed for patience. I sought the intercession of the Theotokos, St. Mary of Egypt, and St Moses the Black. The more I didn't fixate on the trans issue, the more I felt like God was revealing something to me about it.
Well, that brings us to now. We are halfway through the Dormition Fast, as we commemorate the repose of the Mother of God. My wife and I (she is not in this journey into Orthodoxy with me, but still at her church) met with my priest near the end of July. Near the end, the conversation seemed to shift. I believe he was satisfied that my reason isn't simply to become Orthodox. The conversation shifted to "how" this will work. I told him my plan is to really try to use this Fast to silence the noise of life and to seek clarity. I believe I've reached that point.
So, my plan, as of right now, is to officially detransition on Aug 28. The Feast day of St Moses the Black, who one day will be my patron saint.
I know it won't be easy. I know the depression and dysphoria will be crouching at my door at all times. I don't dread that darkness anymore, though. In fact, the attacks actually have me excited because they are an opportunity and reminder to turn to God. Walking through life with that daily reminder to turn to Life...man, what a blessing. To find Life in the struggle.
On Pentecost Sunday in 2024, I first visited an Orthodox Church. The day prior, I was at the local Pride festival. I was a prominent person in the LGBT community here in my city, so I had to go. It felt hollow to me that day. The next day, I visited an Antiochian Orthodox Church, and encountered God in a way I never had. That sent me down a path of exploration. But to properly explore, I had to do so with all things on the table.
I couldn't cling to parts of life if I truly wanted to be open to God transforming me. Then I went through my first Great Lent. Including the Canon of St Andrew of Crete / Life of St Mary of Egypt service. I left in tears. I then went to a Wednesday class and learned about the Orthodox view on the sanctity of the physical body.
The entire time, from Oct 2024 - today, I've been meeting with my priest. I was very open about the trans issue. They never once told me to detransition. They just encouraged me to participate in the life of the Church, and to be patient. To be silent. To listen for God. So I did. I had even approached my priest last September and said I was ready to detransition. He advised that I not make that decision yet.
See, he knows the enormity of the decision, and he knew that why I make the decision is important as well. He didn't want me to make that decision in order to become Orthodox. So I waited. I prayed for patience. I sought the intercession of the Theotokos, St. Mary of Egypt, and St Moses the Black. The more I didn't fixate on the trans issue, the more I felt like God was revealing something to me about it.
Well, that brings us to now. We are halfway through the Dormition Fast, as we commemorate the repose of the Mother of God. My wife and I (she is not in this journey into Orthodoxy with me, but still at her church) met with my priest near the end of July. Near the end, the conversation seemed to shift. I believe he was satisfied that my reason isn't simply to become Orthodox. The conversation shifted to "how" this will work. I told him my plan is to really try to use this Fast to silence the noise of life and to seek clarity. I believe I've reached that point.
So, my plan, as of right now, is to officially detransition on Aug 28. The Feast day of St Moses the Black, who one day will be my patron saint.
I know it won't be easy. I know the depression and dysphoria will be crouching at my door at all times. I don't dread that darkness anymore, though. In fact, the attacks actually have me excited because they are an opportunity and reminder to turn to God. Walking through life with that daily reminder to turn to Life...man, what a blessing. To find Life in the struggle.
