How Should a Christian Handle This MIL Issue?

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3rd and 2
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12:46a, 11/24/21
AG
Was at a family dinner tonight at my in-laws. I'm passed the salad dressing and put it on my salad. Salad was rancid. I checked the dressing bottle, salad dressing expired in 2015. I mention this at the table.

Wife and FIL are upset at me that I brought the expired/rancid dressing up. I learn that apparently the MIL has a problem with throwing away expired food and that it upsets her when confronted about this..

Tonight wife tells me I should apologize to MIL tomorrow for bringing up the fact that the dressing was expired and rancid at dinner. By the way I saw that the rancid salad dressing was put back in the fridge and not thrown away.

I'm fuming right now plus feeling a bit wheezy in the stomach. How should a Christian handle this situation? I'm thinking I'll apologize but keep special attention on any food MIL prepares from now on.

.
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PacifistAg
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6:35a, 11/24/21
AG
"MIL, I'm sorry I mentioned the salad dressing issue in front of everyone, especially since it seems to have caused embarrassment. I mentioned it because I didn't want anyone to get sick or to ruin your delicious dinner. I should have been more sensitive and discreet about the matter though. I'm sorry."

This doesn't seem like a hill worth dying on. If you can, go through the fridge and find expired items. Get a list, go to the store, and replace the expired items discreetly.
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Zobel
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In reply to 3rd and 2 • 7:00a, 11/24/21
AG
It was an innocent mistake. Something like, "I'm sorry I upset you, I didn't know it was a sensitive issue" should be true and also not an unreasonable thing for you to say to her. I'd have a different conversation with your wife though. She should be on your side, and someone needs to help mom get some help because that's weird.
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Martin Q. Blank
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In reply to 3rd and 2 • 8:32a, 11/24/21

Quote:
How should a Christian handle this situation?
Tell her Christ died for her sins including her hoarding issue.
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747Ag
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8:34a, 11/24/21
AG
The salad dressing was merely fermented.
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Aggrad08
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8:47a, 11/24/21
AG
That **** is dangerous, food poisoning sucks. And the consequences can be much worse if she served someone who's ability to fight disease is compromised in some way or they are pregnant.

Simply say I will bring it up privately first in the future since it's a sensitive issue, but explain she could really hurt people including herself (although there is some chance she has an iron stomach at this point)
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Duncan Idaho
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9:14a, 11/24/21
The real issue is why the FIL and your wife are encouraging/condoning dangerous self destructive dehavior in the MIL
It is clear that she is either mentally ill or dealing with some deep seeded trauma in a literally unhealthy way and her family is enabling her.


Now they could tell you that it isn't your business but they would be wrong seeing as you are married and are as much a part of the family as your wife.

When your family accepts the fact that your MIL has mental issues, they can get the appropriate help before it escalates into more dangerous behavior.
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Beer Baron
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9:32a, 11/24/21
AG
Is she a hoarder with other things or just food? Either way, I agree it sounds like she has some kind of emotional or mental issue going on. I think you can apologize while still advocating that she address the underlying issue instead of sweeping it under the rug and pretending it's not there.
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Duncan Idaho
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In reply to PacifistAg • 10:18a, 11/24/21
PacifistAg said:
If you can, go through the fridge and find expired items. Get a list, go to the store, and replace the expired items discreetly.


This done by itself may cause the problem to come to am explosive head. She will likely see it as an attack and that you stole the items. If the problem is rooted in some kind of trauma related to food insecurity, this will reinforce it. Now she wont be able to trust that the food she puts in the refrigerator is safe.
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Howdy Dammit
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10:27a, 11/24/21
AG
Never enable bad behavior. You have done nothing wrong and have zero to apologize for.
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schmendeler
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In reply to Howdy Dammit • 10:43a, 11/24/21
AG
Howdy Dammit said:
Never enable bad behavior. You have done nothing wrong and have zero to apologize for.
I agree 100%. No apology, she should apologize to you, honestly. If I served someone rancid food, I would be apologizing profusely to my guests. That she isn't doesn't mean it falls on you.

Edit: additionally, the unrepentant attitude of your in-laws would mean I'm telling my wife that we aren't eating food prepared at their house again, until changes are made. Getting sick, potentially seriously, isn't something you just go along with not to upset someone's feelings.
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Serotonin
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12:55p, 11/24/21
AG
Did you call her out aggressively or mock her? Unless you were rude at the dinner table I don't understand why you'd need to apologize, unless they are trying to protect her because she has serious mental health issues.
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ramblin_ag02
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1:02p, 11/24/21
AG
Maybe I'm a jerk, but I don't see why you would apologize. It's perfectly reasonable and expected to point out that food is expired. You didn't do anything wrong. Your MIL is did something wrong by serving horribly expired food, and your wife and FIL also did wrong if they knew and didn't warn you. They put enabling your MIL's mental issues over your physical health, which is just sick.

I think I agree with the above. I'd tell my wife I'm not eating over there anymore, and I'd offer to take them out to eat anytime it came up with the in-laws.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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swimmerbabe11
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2:40p, 11/24/21
I'd be less concerned about the Salad dressing and more concerned about other food she had prepared and what with.

Not all expiration dates are made equally, some are best by because they won't taste as good after...some are dangerous. for example, is she this way with meat?
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PA24
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2:44p, 11/24/21
AG
40+ years with the same MIL.

Harmony in family as I just eat what she puts out there and don't complain. Get home and critique meal with the wife.

She passed a coupe of years ago and I wish I would have tried more to get along with her, I miss the MIL.
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AGC
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In reply to 3rd and 2 • 3:08p, 11/24/21
AG
How long have you been married? How long have you know your in-laws? Is this an out of left field thing after a decade of marriage or first time event?

That influences my response.
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barbacoa taco
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3:29p, 11/24/21
AG
Quote:
How should a Christian handle this situation?
Tell her you are praying that she will one day find the strength to throw away expired food
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Frok
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4:41p, 11/24/21
AG
Lol l, this thread makes me feel good. I'm not the only one with crazy family
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Potcake
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7:26p, 11/24/21
AG
MIL needs an aunt problem.
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Trigger06
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9:28p, 11/24/21
AG
How long have you been married?
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bmks270
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1:02a, 11/25/21
AG
Don't apologize to anyone for sticking up for yourself.

The wife will just have to be mad sometimes. That is highly preferable to you being in misery, walking on egg shells, eating rancid food, and her being mad any way.

Being served rancid food with no remorse is evil. The whole household sounds like they are beholden to some evil sickness and you were the first one to resist it. Refuse to eat any rancid dish ever served there, and maybe out of embarrassment your wife and family will try to intervene with your MIL. What kind of mother serves the family rotten food, and what kind of wife thinks it's okay for her mother to serve it to her husband? Complete insanity.
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bmks270
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In reply to Duncan Idaho • 1:11a, 11/25/21
AG
Duncan Idaho said:
PacifistAg said:
If you can, go through the fridge and find expired items. Get a list, go to the store, and replace the expired items discreetly.


This done by itself may cause the problem to come to am explosive head. She will likely see it as an attack and that you stole the items. If the problem is rooted in some kind of trauma related to food insecurity, this will reinforce it. Now she wont be able to trust that the food she puts in the refrigerator is safe.


If it's rotten, rancid, and expired, it's already not safe.
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wbt5845
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6:55a, 11/25/21
AG
No need to apologize. You simply pointed out fact. The mean and ugly thing to do would be to allow others to get sick from it.

And as has been mentioned above, your wife is enabling bad behavior and/or illness.
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Duncan Idaho
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In reply to bmks270 • 8:51a, 11/25/21
bmks270 said:
Duncan Idaho said:
PacifistAg said:
If you can, go through the fridge and find expired items. Get a list, go to the store, and replace the expired items discreetly.


This done by itself may cause the problem to come to am explosive head. She will likely see it as an attack and that you stole the items. If the problem is rooted in some kind of trauma related to food insecurity, this will reinforce it. Now she wont be able to trust that the food she puts in the refrigerator is safe.


If it's rotten, rancid, and expired, it's already not safe.

I never said it wasn't unsafe. I was saying going behind her back and not addressing this directly is going to worse than addressing it directly
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one MEEN Ag
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3:36p, 11/26/21
AG
While not all of these replies are Christian, I would say they are all baptist.
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AGC
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In reply to one MEEN Ag • 4:13p, 11/26/21
AG
one MEEN Ag said:
While not all of these replies are Christian, I would say they are all baptist.


Your joke is bad and you should feel bad. Not a single person has suggested forming a committee to replace said MiL.
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one MEEN Ag
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In reply to AGC • 9:00p, 11/26/21
AG
It's not my best work, I'll admit.
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dermdoc
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In reply to AGC • 8:06a, 11/27/21
AG
AGC said:
one MEEN Ag said:
While not all of these replies are Christian, I would say they are all baptist.


Your joke is bad and you should feel bad. Not a single person has suggested forming a committee to replace said MiL.
Been there, done that. Thanks for the laugh.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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diehard03
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10:28a, 11/27/21
Quote:
Your joke is bad and you should feel bad. Not a single person has suggested forming a committee to replace said MiL.

you owe me a new keyboard

edit: and I am on Team "You did nothing wrong. Don't apologize." Do address the overall situation though, especially with your wife.
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AGC
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In reply to diehard03 • 1:09p, 11/27/21
AG
diehard03 said:
Quote:
Your joke is bad and you should feel bad. Not a single person has suggested forming a committee to replace said MiL.

you owe me a new keyboard

edit: and I am on Team "You did nothing wrong. Don't apologize." Do address the overall situation though, especially with your wife.


I hope wired is ok. Wireless are on back order til 2023.

I also think OP died. No recent posts since this one.
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The Lone Stranger
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4:39p, 11/27/21
Truth is always more important than feelings and irrational ideas.
The Lone Stranger
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Eliminatus
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5:33p, 11/27/21
AG
Just a lurker here on this board, but will speak up my personal position on this matter as it is very important to me now.

As someone who has facilitated enabling, both directly and indirectly, nothing will ever get me to do it again. ESPECIALLY, if I care about the person. You are helping no one in that regard in the end. Trust me, I've learned that the hard way now. More than once.

Sounds like classic case of mental instability on at least some level. She needs help more than lies.
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FIDO95
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6:52p, 11/27/21
AG
Inform the family:



In all honesty, you should always address with the truth, even if it hurts someone's feelings. If you lie and give a forced apology, you are likely to become resentful and that will poison your relationship faster than the rancid dressing.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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BrazosDog02
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9:01p, 11/27/21
AG
Personally, if you've gotten to "in law" status, and you don't know about this situation with your MIL, then I'd suggest first starting with the wife. Sounds like there is a little bit of communication that needs to occur. I'd be resentful if my wife allowed me to walk into an ambush like that. In other words, your wife has intentionally put you in harms way socially and physically and that is absolutely unacceptable. However, as a Christian, I'd certainly not apologize for something like this. It's abnormal and it is a hill I'll die on. Either way, the wife and I would be having a serious chat about it and it would end in her addressing the issue with her mother. At the end of the day, you're not married to her mother. Fix it at home first and then take it on the road with your team mate.
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Sea Speed
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In reply to Zobel • 8:33a, 11/28/21
AG
Zobel said:
It was an innocent mistake. Something like, "I'm sorry I upset you, I didn't know it was a sensitive issue" should be true and also not an unreasonable thing for you to say to her. I'd have a different conversation with your wife though. She should be on your side, and someone needs to help mom get some help because that's weird.


This is probably correct. In reality there is zero chance I apologize and I would have a conversation with my wife about enabling behavior.
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