I knew going in it was going to be crap.

But this is amazing crap.

It has taken crap to a new level of crap. I dub it Ultra Mega crap.

and since it is "cyber", it is iUltraMegaCrap.

If you want something for the lolz when drunk or stoned.... watch something else.

if you want to punish Muslim terrorists... CSI Cyber.

I watched it hoping for a train wreck and was not disappointed.

I mean how could a show featuring Lil Bow, Dawson and Patricia "I Can't Even Remember Your Last Successful Role" Arquette NOT be a hot mess?

Here's the official show snyopsis:

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Special Agent Avery Ryan heads the FBI's Cyber Crime Division, a unit at the forefront of solving illegal activities that live online and play out in the real world. While other agents search for criminals in the streets, Avery knows how technology allows people to hide in the shadows of the Internet while committing serious crimes, and she spends her time searching the deep recesses of the Web, where anonymity protects, money is less-traceable, and almost anything imaginable is up for sale.

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I'm waiting for them to take down the R&P or Old Rivalries board in an upcoming episode.

Oh, right. My bad. Never saw Boyhood and had no idea she was even in it.



Safe to say she won't be hoisting any trophies for her work on this series.

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Safe to say she won't be hoisting any trophies for her work on this series.

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She won an Emmy in 05 for her last TV show as well.

Arquette was amazing in Medium. Sad to see her tumble to such a low with CSI: Cyber. Dawson rescuing a baby doll from a sunk car was hilarious. Even better was the CPR to said baby and sudden happy revival.

Wow. I had no idea that Medium was critically acclaimed either. My bad again.

This thread has opened my eyes to the marvels of acting covered on Patricia Arquette's IMDB page.

If it's not obvious already, I apparently am not up to snuff on my knowledge of her many career accomplishments. I apologize to all those I have offended with my insensitively including her among the likes of Bow Wow and James David Van Der Beek Jr.

Does everyone type real fast without ever hitting enter or space? Cause if not, I'm out.

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Safe to say she won't be hoisting any trophies for her work on this series.

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She won an Emmy in 05 for her last TV show as well.

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i guess you dont count her absolutely horrible performance as a prohibition era piece of florida swamp trash last season on boardalk empire.

probably because its not TV, its HBO, huh?

I watched the first 10 minutes of this and was amazed. Hilariously awful. It just kept escalating.

Hey look it's Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette in a fresh new role!
So terrorists are hacking into baby monitors to kidnap babies? Whoa
Her boss is the weird guy from Ally McBeal!
OMG is that Dawson?
Ok there's the fat white guy/computer geek....now we just need one more stereotype to complete the team (cuts to Lil Bow wow)
Just learned that any time an electronic device is used for a crime it becomes a Cyber Crime

Lil Bow Wow is on a CSI? That's so awesome...

After seeing this gif, I can say that this show looks absolutely amazing. That is in real time from the episode. Excellent use of slo-mo.

. Dawson saving the baby

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OMG the worst TV show of the last decade

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I don't know, Taxi Brooklyn was a pretty potent turd.

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Yeah, that baby from American Sniper has had it rough.

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I knew I recognized that actor! IMBD needs to be updated.

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Lil Bow Wow is on a CSI? That's so awesome...

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No, it's Shad Moss, not "L'il Bow Wow".

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I don't know, Taxi Brooklyn was a pretty potent turd.

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oh man, the clips of that on the soup were so hilariously bad that it almost made me want to watch it.

Any CSI show could be labeled the worst tv in history.

If that's not bad enough, there seems to be only about four types of tv shows that Hollywood has the creative capability of making.
cop shows
firefighter shows
vote-off reality shows
doctor shows

if you count the CW as entertainment...
vampire shows

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oh man, the clips of that on the soup were so hilariously bad that it almost made me want to watch it.

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The Soup clips made me watch the finale of that glorious show, and it was well worth it. If you can find it anywhere, WATCH IT. It is a Sharknado level of bad.

Do they ever have two people typing on the same keyboard at once? I saw that in NCIS once and almost lost my mind.

I like how ALL these shows act like they can get access to other systems data, private company surveillance feeds/tapes, etc. all within 24 hours.

The reality is so much slower - days more likely weeks.

Really sad how bad the time dilation is.

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Is that a shirt? A dress? some kind of body cast?

Guess y'all have never seen 2 Broke Girls

Gave it another shot this week.

Equally terrible episode and acting. I love how they have criminals processing DNA samples. No experience necessary, just need to be skilled with computers and the deep web.

My favorite part of the first episode was how the "cyber" team figured out the bad guys password.

Avery- "Hey, here are all of these tattoos with dates on them. I just can't figure this out! Master hacker bow-wow, time to earn your pay!"

bow-wow- "This is tough...Wait...I got it! Put them all in numerical order!"

Avery- "Brilliant! I knew there was a reason you are the worlds best hacker!"

type-casted tatted Asian punk girl hacker- "You really earned your keep bow-wow!"

Such a stupid concept. Going with the stupid plot which would never work in real life, why would the voices be coming out of the baby monitor? What point could that possibly serve?

Why is the husband sleeping with his glasses on?

How did the cops magically catch up with the other baby-nappers and did they just not think it was worth saving them from the bottom of the lake?

I don't normally watch CSI...are they all as bad as this episode was? It honestly reminded me of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", Crime Scene: Scene of the Crime.

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Gave it another shot this week.

Equally terrible episode and acting. I love how they have criminals processing DNA samples. No experience necessary, just need to be skilled with computers and the deep web.

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I love that they use terms like "deep web" and "white hat"...Because that is how hackers talk to each other.

Oh, and no WoW on any of those computer screens...bull****.

If CSI: Cyber were real, here would be their best agent:

Gave it one more try. Second episode was worse than first. Done