I don't even remember the episode or context but Homer: Anyone can make up statistics to support there argument, 88% of people know that>


And

Marge: Put your seatbelt on Homer
Homer: Seatbelts kill more people than they save
Marge: I think thats airbags

And

Homer singing to the Flintstones:

"Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the smartest man in history
From the town town of Springfield
He's about to hit a chestnut tree, AHHH!"

And

Damn I could go on all night with these

"a thesis paper from texas tech"

"Nibbles, chew through my ball sack."
-Principal Skinner

Old man: Take this doll, but beware - it carries a terrible
curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad.
Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The frozen yogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
Homer: (confused look)
Old man: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

Lisa: Dad, what if I told you, you could lose weight without dieting or lifting a finger?
Homer: I'd call you a lying scumbag! Why, sweetie?
_______________________________________________

Principal Skinner: Ah, there's nothing more exciting than science. You get all the fun of sitting still, being quiet, writing down numbers, paying attention...[chuckles] Science has it all!
_______________________________________________

Principal Skinner: Blasted woman, you parked too close! Move your car!
Mrs. Krabappel: I'm in the lines. You got a problem, go tell your mama!
Principal Skinner: Oh, don't worry. She'll hear about this.
_______________________________________________

Principal Skinner: Of course we could make things more challenging, Lisa. But then the stupider students would be in here complaining, furrowing their brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation.
_______________________________________________

After Lisa asks for a favor...
Homer: Oh, it's always something, isn't it? First I have to drive your pregnant mother to the hospital so she can give birth to you. Now this.
_______________________________________________

Homer: They put us on the Waiting to Exhale waiting list, but they said don't hold your breath.

quote:

---

you mean the hot pants???

I ... the hot pants

---

Never try to talk like a pirate again.

"AYE" not I

"OK Skinner thats the last time you'll slap your Willy around." - Groundskeeper Willy

"I have misplaced my pants."-Homer

monkeyknifefight, i'm assuming you are a grad student, as am i, and i found this quote from a recent rerun appropriate:

the family simpson has just left a boring foreign film, and bart,in his boredom, has found a way to occupy himself....

here i'll just let it speak for itself. (thanks youtube.):

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ufSZ3QBWSaw





"look at me, i'm a grad student, i'm 30 years old and i made $600 dollars last year"

"A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man."

Mrs. Krabappel: Embiggens? I never even heard that word before I moved to Springfield.
Mrs. Hoover: I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word.

------

Lisa: I hope you know that your company is promoting the history of a blood-thirsty pirate.

Business Man: A pirate!? Well, that's hardly the image we want for Long John Silvers!

------

Homer: Well crying about isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.

Bart: You're right!

Homer: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.


PS- I'm a grad student who makes less than $600 per year as well.

[Lisa and Homer signing into a motel while running from the police]

Manager: Okay, names please.
Lisa: Lady Penelope Ariel Ponyweather.
Homer: Uh...Brock Strongo?
Manager: (sigh) Your real name, please.
Homer: Lance Uppercut.
Manager: Thank you. Sign here, Mr. Uppercut.

"It's going to be like the swiss family robinson but with less grownups and more cursing."
"We're going to be kings!"
"We're going to be damn, hell, ass kings!"

"Family, religion, and friendships--The three demons you must slay to succeed in business." -C.M. Burns

CANYONEROOOOO

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.

Postman: OK Mr. Burns, what's your first name?

Homer: I don't know.

-----

Hey! In high school I was voted most likely to be a mental patient, a hillbilly or a chimpanzee!

[This message has been edited by AggieDem (edited 9/15/2006 12:34a).]

Homer:Boy, anything worth having in this world, you have to work hard for. Now be quiet, the lottery numbers are coming on.

Bart: I'm going to pick the dog up.
Homer: The bad dog or the good dog?
Bart: The bad dog.
Homer: Oh good.

Homer: You'll have to speak up I'm wearing a towel.

When Homer sings "When I was 17, I drank a very good beer. I drank a very good beer I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Bryan McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was 17." pours his beers out and sniffs his nose.

Skinner: Up yours children.

Last day of school....
Teacher: Kids, you didn't hear how WWII ended!
Kids turn and look
Teacher: We won!
Kids: USA USA USA USA.

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

Bart: No offense, Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting.
Homer: But I'm using my whole ass.

Bart: So I says to Mable I says.

Voter: I think I'll vote for a 3rd party
Kang or Kodus: Go ahead throw your vote away.

Kang: Abortions for none.
Crowd: Booooooooooooooo
Kang: Abortions for all.
Crowd: Boooooooooooooo
Kang: Abortions for some, small miniature American flags for others.
Crowd: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Homer: But I don't even believe in Jebus.

Mojo on the computer: Pray for Mojo. /computer voice.

No Otto quotes, so I offer:

"They call them fingers but I've never seen them fing. Oh wait, there they go."

(Looking at ring on finger) "Oh yeah, I married that chick."

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible.

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Smart Homer: Who wants to go to the library tomorrow? You'll notice I no longer use words like "liberry," or "tomorree."

Homer: Outta the way jerkass!

(After homer anonymously 'donated' $10,000 to PBS so they'd start playing 'Do Shut Up')
Betty White: "...and the donor wanted to remain completely anonymous. But thanks to our friends at Insta-Trace, we know it's Homer Simpson, of 742 Evergreen Terrace."
Homer: Oh, why did I register with Insta-Trace?

Homer: You know me, Marge - I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fa-laaaaming.

Troy McClure: HI. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self help tapes as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get some confidence, Stupid!

Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot."

Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such public service videos as "Designated Drivers, the Lifesaving Nerds" and "Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness."

Troy McClure: My good looks paid for that pool, and my talent filled it with water. Hi, I'm Troy McClure, your future uncle.
Lisa: Hi. I remember you from such filmstrips as Locker Room Towel Fight: the Blinding of Larry Driscoll.
Troy McClure: You know, I was one of the first to speak out against horseplay.

Parker: Troy! Mac Parker. Ever hear of Planet of the Apes?
Troy McClure: Uh ... the movie or the planet?
Parker: The brand-new multimillion dollar musical. And you are starring ... as the human.
Troy McClure: It's the part I was born to play, baby!

Selma: But ... don't you love me?
Troy McClure: Sure I do! Like I love Fresca. Isn't that enough? The only difference between our marriage and any one else's is: we know ours is a sham.

Troy McClure: Hi. I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me from such celebrity funerals as "Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye" and "Shemp Howard, Today We Mourn A Stooge."

Hank Scorpio (aiming his Doomsday Device): "Hey Homer, what's your least favorite country: Italy or France?"
Homer: "Ummmm, France."
Hank Scorpio: "Heh, no one ever says Italy."

Wiggum at his desk: No, you reached the wrong number... This... is.......... 912

Lisa: Thank you, Mr. President.
Bill Clinton: No, thank you, Lisa. For teaching kids everywhere a valuable lesson: If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true.
Marge: That's a pretty lousy lesson.
Bill Clinton: Hey, I'm a pretty lousy president.

Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in everyday and do it really halfassed. That's the American way!

The Cartridge Family episode
At a NRA meeting:
Moe: Yeah, I was closing up the bar last night and some young punk tried to rob me.
Sideshow Mel: Whatever did you do?
Moe: Yeah, it could of turned into an ugly situation. Thankfully, I pulled out my gun and shot him in his spine. I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp!

Simpson gene episode:

Grandpa: Yeah, when Bart was your age he is was smart as a monkey. Now he is dumb as a chimp.

Homer: Marge, it may be the beer talking, but you've got a butt that won't quit!

Homer: First you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the WOMEN

Comic book guy: Way to predict the end of the world, Nostradumbass

Moe (describing Mrs. Krabapple when she first moved to Springfield): She had the rack of an Angel

Agnes Skinner, when asked how she had Mr. Burns safe combination: He gave it to me after I let him feel me up during the depression.

From Chief Wiggum...

"Shut your borax, Poindexter! It's time for action."

"Can't people in this town take the law into their own hands every once in a while?"

"Bake 'em away, Toys."

"That's some nice flutin'"

tomacco!

Lisa: (crying) "Dad, you don't understand!"
Homer: "Lisa, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

Ralph and Lisa walking home from school:
Ralph: "...and the doctor said my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I kept my finger out of it."

And, although not really a quote:
Nelson: "Ha-ha!"