Awhile back my wife and I went to a whisky bar in Edinburgh in the Balmoral Hotel. They have over 500 varieties and a lot of rare or hard to find ones like a Macallan 40yr. They have all 5 of the whisky regions represented including Campbelltown which is nearly impossible to find in the states. Everything is served in 1oz dram pours so you can try a lot of different kinds and not get plastered or break the bank straight away. The Whisky Ambassadors all wear kilts, have sampled everything they have, and can give you notes on all of them. Basically they are whisky sommeliers. Tell them what you like and don't like and they will find the perfect pour for you. It's a great place to come to at the end of the day to relax by a fire in a big leather couch and have a few drams

One evening I asked our favorite barman Fraser, what his least favorite whisky was. He immediately responded, "Inchmoan 12" so I ordered that. He felt so bad, he gave me a triple pour and didn't ever charge me (it was definitely a weird flavor). I told him the worst thing I had ever had was Malort. I went into a detailed explanation of the history, flavor, and even ad campaigns. He was so intrigued and horrified

Fast forward to this past weekend. I managed to send him a bottle of Malort as a surprise. He said the entire staff was going to sample it after closing as one of their work mates was having his last shift. They were all excited to try it (I apologized profusely in advance). So please enjoy the tasting notes of 3 professional Scotch Whisky Ambassadors.


Color: Very pale yellow, no hint of amber. It looks a bit like urine of a dehydrated person.

Nose: a very slight fruit note. There is a sense of petrol or kerosene.

Taste: Very bitter. Tastes of strong orange bitters mixed with fermented shoe musk. Adding some drops of water opened up the flavor a bit more. That was a mistake. It is now worse with water.

Aftertaste: It just doesn't go away. The aftertaste gets worse as time goes on. Very similar taste to waking up after a night of getting pissed and throwing up. Tastes like sick smells.

Final Verdict: Maybe not as bad as I thought. I would not willingly drink it again. Nothing kills the aftertaste.

Mmmmm, fermented shoe musk. My favorite.

I gotta say, bringing Malort to what might be one of the finest Whisky establishments has to be a bit of a feather in your cap. Bravo.

I should try getting pre-ban Four Loko to the Octoberfest judges

Decay said:

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I gotta say, bringing Malort to what might be one of the finest Whisky establishments has to be a bit of a feather in your cap. Bravo.

I should try getting pre-ban Four Loko to the Octoberfest judges

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Doing my best to spread the gospel

Malort does have a fuel flavor.

You just ruined their palates. Congratulations.

I never tried, or even heard of, Jeppson's Malort during my drinking days (I no longer drink). I regret that.

It's funny to me that it's flavored with wordwood, because the absolute finest alcohol I ever consumed was absinthe, which is also flavored with wordwood. This stuff was made in the Czech Republic and has 35mg/L of thujone. For absinthe to be sold in the US, it has to be certified "thujone-free," which means it can't have more than 10mg/L.

https://www.originalabsinthe.com/absinthe-liquor/absinthe-original-bitter-spirit.html

dabo man said:

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I never tried, or even heard of, Jeppson's Malort during my drinking days (I no longer drink). I regret that.

It's funny to me that it's flavored with wordwood, because the absolute finest alcohol I ever consumed was absinthe, which is also flavored with wordwood. This stuff was made in the Czech Republic and has 35mg/L of thujone. For absinthe to be sold in the US, it has to be certified "thujone-free," which means it can't have more than 10mg/L.

https://www.originalabsinthe.com/absinthe-liquor/absinthe-original-bitter-spirit.html

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Absolutely classic story. That bar is a gem and the Balmoral is beautiful. We stayed there several years back because of some show my wife liked featured it. Hotel exceeded expectations for the price and reputation.

Like someone else mentioned, are you going to try to bring the finest gatorwine to tastings in Napa valley?

I was in Chicago 2 weeks ago and went to the famous Billy Goat Tavern. They said is customary for 1st time guest to have a Chicago Handshake drink. It was a shot of Malort followed by a draft of Old Style beer.

https://instagr.am/p/CeWp6ntD2p6

the only cure for a Chicago Handshake is a second one

ThunderCougarFalconBird said:

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Absolutely classic story. That bar is a gem and the Balmoral is beautiful. We stayed there several years back because of some show my wife liked featured it. Hotel exceeded expectations for the price and reputation.

Like someone else mentioned, are you going to try to bring the finest gatorwine to tastings in Napa valley?

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It really is. I am not kidding when I say it's our favorite place.

If anyone is ever in Edinburgh it's worth stopping in for a dram or two. They have a literal library of whiskys for all different price levels. The Macallan 40 was 1,850 GBP per dram last time I was in there. It's one of 3 or 4 places in all of Scotland that has a bottle outside the distillery that isn't in a private collection. But they also some really affordable unique options as well

https://www.roccofortehotels.com/hotels-and-resorts/the-balmoral-hotel/dining/scotch/

Quote:

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Adding some drops of water opened up the flavor a bit more. That was a mistake. It is now worse with water.

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This may be one of the most amazing tasting notes I've ever seen.

For those that Instagram there is a guy that goes by the user "unemployedwineguy" - Prescott Vanmeyer III.

He started off doing on-screen tastings of wine, then transitioned to almost anything people suggest, with the overwhelming requests being Malort.

I gotta hand it to him, he's had Malort many times and a variety of ways, and each time he expresses just how disgusting it is.

Here's where he made a Malort pie.

https://instagr.am/p/C_d3W2SP5vl

"… very slight fruit note. There is a sense of petrol or kerosene..."

Oh, count me in for sure.

Malort is truly the spawn of Satan. Has anyone ever figured out whit it exists in the first place?

I never tried Malort until recently. It somehow became kind of a running joke within a circle of friends to buy it as a treat for someone who hasn't had it before. I'm not sure the glass ever gets finished.

I think a trip to Chicago inspired it.

Ryan the Temp said:

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Malort is truly the spawn of Satan. Has anyone ever figured out whit it exists in the first place?

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It's based on a traditional Swedish bitters recipe made of wormwood. Carl Jeppson was a Swedish immigrant and the inventor of Malort. He initially sold it during prohibition as an anti parasitic/cure all.

The story goes, old Carl was s a heavy cigar smoker and had pretty much obliterated his taste buds. He was apparently very fond of Malort because it was one of the few things he could still taste.

nai06 said:

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Ryan the Temp said:

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Malort is truly the spawn of Satan. Has anyone ever figured out whit it exists in the first place?

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It's based on a traditional Swedish bitters recipe made of wormwood. Carl Jeppson was a Swedish immigrant and the inventor of Malort. He initially sold it during prohibition as an anti parasitic/cure all.

The story goes, old Carl was s a heavy cigar smoker and had pretty much obliterated his taste buds. He was apparently very fond of Malort because it was one of the few things he could still taste.

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Reminds me of Frank from Shameless.

https://instagr.am/p/CxTIGDkOHPh

Tastes like sick smells. LOL

nai06 said:

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the only cure for a Chicago Handshake is a second one

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Or a chocolate milkshake at The Weiner Circle

nai06 said:

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ThunderCougarFalconBird said:

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Absolutely classic story. That bar is a gem and the Balmoral is beautiful. We stayed there several years back because of some show my wife liked featured it. Hotel exceeded expectations for the price and reputation.

Like someone else mentioned, are you going to try to bring the finest gatorwine to tastings in Napa valley?

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It really is. I am not kidding when I say it's our favorite place.

If anyone is ever in Edinburgh it's worth stopping in for a dram or two. They have a literal library of whiskys for all different price levels. The Macallan 40 was 1,850 GBP per dram last time I was in there. It's one of 3 or 4 places in all of Scotland that has a bottle outside the distillery that isn't in a private collection. But they also some really affordable unique options as well

https://www.roccofortehotels.com/hotels-and-resorts/the-balmoral-hotel/dining/scotch/

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Best Scotch Library I've visited in the U.S. is at the Westin Kierland in Scottsdale. They have some amazing whiskies in their collection, and I've enjoyed doing a tasting there a couple of times.

The Balvenie 50 goes for $3500 a pour.

We take a yearly golf trip with about 8 guys. Everyone brings a dozen different shooters along with one shooter of Malort that all go in a bag for when someone makes a birdie. You grab your shooter blind. If you pull a Malort you do not have to take it immediately and it can be redeemed any time during the trip by drinking it for an extra shot or putt. This extra shot is dubbed the Malortigan.

Unpopular opinion:

Malort, while quite bad, is not as legendarily awful as it is made out to be.

I don't drink any more, but when I did I found reasonably popular Italian amari (for example, Fernet Branca, particularly the mint version) equally if not more unpleasant than Malort. Maybe the Italians were more "complex" version of awfulness, but still.

My guess is people have a hatred for Malort due to drinking it in a manner (i.e., shots) that is not the intent.

So people should slowly suffer by sipping this gasoline?

Green2Maroon said:

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So people should slowly suffer by sipping this gasoline?

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No one should drink Malort, but it's a poor quality Midwest version of a digestif/herbal liqueur, many of which would be equally despised if American frat boys did shots of them.

I don't get the hate for Malort. If you are okay with star anise or black licorice, Malort isn't a big deal.

dabo man said:

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Those ads are awesome

I mean people drink Jagermeister too

AggieArchitect04 said:

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For those that Instagram there is a guy that goes by the user "unemployedwineguy" - Prescott Vanmeyer III.

He started off doing on-screen tastings of wine, then transitioned to almost anything people suggest, with the overwhelming requests being Malort.

I gotta hand it to him, he's had Malort many times and a variety of ways, and each time he expresses just how disgusting it is.

Here's where he made a Malort pie.

https://instagr.am/p/C_d3W2SP5vl

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Thanks for this! This dude is hilarious.

Reminds me of my brother's old regular poker game. On the table was a big giant bottle of Brennivin he got in Iceland. Tastes like really intense black licorice which most normal human beings detest. If you made any kind of mistake in the game, dealing, out of turn, whatever, someone could call Brennivin and you'd have to make a big dram out of the bottle. One particular night I think I drank about half a fifth of it, it kept snowballing on me, and yet somehow I came in second and for that the winner pays your buy in.

Now, imagine that with Malort….

Bacardi 151 is pretty bad too. Another one you could probably run your car on.

Green2Maroon said:

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Bacardi 151 is pretty bad too. Another one you could probably run your car on.

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That was my go to for flaming Dr Peppers. Shot of Amaretto with Bacardi 151 floated on top. I used to be able to blow fire and light them all at the same time. Sadly it is no longer made