Wolfpac 08 said:

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I actually have a cousin in the white trash branch of my family that didn't know she was pregnant until she went into labor. Kid's missing a few marbles.

She was similar to what you describe. Not morbidly obese, but definitely overweight.

With my wife currently being pregnant, I have a really hard time believing that someone can be pregnant and not know it. But my cousin was always on the dimmer side of the intelligence scale and, based on what I know about her, didn't take care of herself. Idk?

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My kid's mom knew she was pregnant all 3 times. It was very obvious. I was ready to make a 'upset stomach' joke until we were told the baby never moved, which I also find a little odd.

Some women don't put on a bunch of weight during their first pregnancy which was the case with my kid's mom. We looked at Prom pics of this girl after the phone conversation. I wouldn't have guessed she was pregnant.

Yes! It's the kicking/moving. It will stop her dead in her tracks. How does someone just ignore that?

And, side note, but can we all admit that the human race would have gone extinct long ago if men were the one's that had to be pregnant? It would have taken one guy to say "bro…don't do it" and that would have been it

Assuming you're expressing your actual feelings and this situation really exists, you seem checked out of this relationship and she seems to have a problem that potentially stems from multiple underlying issues. Addiction could be one, lack of fulfillment in life/relationship could be another, but the odds are there are other contributing factors no one here can guess at.

Therapy sounds like a must do. Surprise therapy sounds like a terrible idea.

Walking her through your family budget and letting her see the impact her spending is having seems like a good idea.

At the end of the day, you'll need to decide to become unchecked out of the relationship if you want it to continue. This likely needs to happen before or in tandem with you addressing the finances. If your kids having a good childhood and becoming productive human beings is motivating, read "The Two Parent Privledge" and "Get Married" before you pull the trigger on a divorce attorney.

Statistically, kids coming from divorced families are…

-significantly more likely to have behavioral and/or emotional problems in school
-are significantly more likely to be physically or sexually abuse as a children due to mom dating/remarrying
-have lower odds of completing college
-have lower lifetime earnings
-have higher odds of being in abusive relationships as adults

I understand divorce is sometimes unavoidable but this is just something else to ponder. There are other correlations and the rates of these things will shock you.

Toilet baby?

Staff, please delete this thread. It's time for it to go. I don't think OP would mind.

lancevance said:

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permabull said:

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If there is no vision then that is why she doesn't see a problem spending every penny. The vision could be paying for your kids college, retiring one day, going on a nice vacation, you not stressing about money, etc. Saving for the sake of saving or because that is what you supposed to do won't motivate her to stick with it.

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Her vision is to buy jewelry, clothes, shoes and hit the buy now button Amazon.

I am not disagreeing with you about vision. There should absolutely be a plan or vision. But she can't see that far.

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Cancel her CC's.

Aggie Dad 26 said:

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lancevance said:

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Aggie Dad 26 said:

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lancevance said:

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VP at Pierce and Pierce said:

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You dont have the money to go on vacation to LA, Disneyland or anywhere. I don't understand why this vacation is happening. Times are tough and stress is high and money is tight. I have had plenty of issues financially but a vacation I cant afford seems out of bounds even for me and my spouse.

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"Yes we do" - The Wife.

If she could be reasoned with i wouldn't make this thread.

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I don't think you've addressed "love language" unless I missed it.

Prepare for divorce. You're running in place

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And where is my love language? I gotta earn, budget, not buy anything. While she does....?

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OK, you EXPRESS your love, naturally through one of the following, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, gift giving, acts of service. So, my question is, what feels natural to you when you're wanting to make someome feel special? Is it buying them something, telling them how you feel about them, doing something with them as a couple, kiss/hug, or doing something for them like wash the dishes, cut the grass...

Those are examples of each of the 5 love languages.

Then, out of those five, one of them MAKES you feel loved. For men, acts of service is fairly common. When your wife cooks you a meal, makes your plate, pays the bills... those are acts of service

You need to find out which makes her feel loved. It would greatly benefit you both if you knew each others primary and secondary love Languages.

Mine, is acts of service, and quality time. That's how I feel loved (the most) . Words of affirmation, and physical touch also work but they rank 3rd and 4th for me.

My fianc's is words of affirmation, and quality time. When I need for her to feel loved, I go right into telling her how much I love amd appreciate her.

Watching our favorite t.v show together, or a weekend get away to the beach go along ways for us both because "quality time" is our secondary love Languages

There's an online test you can take. Its free, quick, and it's easy. Marriage counselors will often ask you about these things.

If you don't know each other's love language, how can you make each other feel loved?

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You've said "Love language" like 50-times on this thread.

Do you not grasp that the OP is so far away from this step right now that you're mindless rantings are meaningless to them right now?

The car has no gas, you you keep telling him to push the start button on repairing his marriage.

I really hope that OP and family was able to enjoy their vacation and come home with a refreshed, renewed appreciation for each other and were able to connect in a way that allowed them to have conversations that matter and let them both be vulnerable.

swimmerbabe11 said:

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I really hope that OP and family was able to enjoy their vacation and come home with a refreshed, renewed appreciation for each other and were able to connect in a way that allowed them to have conversations that matter and let them both be vulnerable.

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LOL...she probably spent a lot of money and he resented the hell out of it the whole time. NFW things are now better after a trip to Disney. Lets not forget all the time he had to stew waiting in line thinking about how much money she spent to wait in line...or even better, spent more money to cut in line.

OP needs to first decide if he want's his marriage to continue and he does in fact want to spend his life with his spouse.

Then, OP needs to put their cell phones in a drawer in another room and have a long heart to heart sit down with his spouse about their life, marriage, finances and direction they are going. Then suggest if she wants the marriage to stay together and be successful, it's time for therapy. Must do it while not accusing or blaming (which will obviously tough) but at the same time acknowledge he is not perfect.

She probably bought the super deluxe fast pass for everyone so they probably didn't spend much time waiting in line.

The golden law of couples therapy:

The therapist will always agree with the wife.

Because they know women pick the therapist - and if they disagree with the woman, the woman won't come back, she'll find a different therapist.

you are 6 pages late with that.

Went through a good handful of counselors before my wife found one she liked…told her what she wanted to hear.

Farmer_J said:

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The golden law of couples therapy:

The therapist will always agree with the wife.

Because they know women pick the therapist - and if they disagree with the woman, the woman won't come back, she'll find a different therapist.

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You know this because you were taught this in therapy school? Or because you've seen a significant enough number of couples therapists to know from experience? Or because you are always right and your wife is always wrong?

Haha. You know it's right.