I have four first cousins who live close to me. I haven't seen any of them in ten years. Some I haven't seen in 45 years. Not estranged necessarily. We just don't care much for each other.

"For people who are supposed to love unconditionally, families seem to have a lot of conditions."

My Mom and her dad were to a degree.

She grew up extremely close to her dad, her mom died when she was 26 and he re-married a bible bleeding baptist sociopath. The ***** once told my mom "even if you're mother was still alive your dad would have left her for me"

He would send me and brother birthday cards. I saw him several times growing up and he was just the nicest, most wholesome guy, a true country grandaddy. By about Jr High all talking just kind of stopped with spirts here and there. My mom would call, his wife would answer and say he will call you back, and he never would.

He lived in College Station and I saw him twice while I was in school, he never reached out to me, i always had to. Then when i would see him his wife would act like the nicest person trying to be a granny. FTB

He passed away a couple years ago, we didnt even go to the funeral

breaks my heart knowing how close my mom was to him as a kid to only be abandoned after he remarried. And to top it off he treated his wife's kids like his own and made my mom the black sheep

That's a damn shame. That's exactly a reason why I will never remarry if something were to happen to my wife or marriage. I will not put my kids through that sort of thing.

fc2112 said:

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My situation was not so bad, but similar. The youngest children really didn't do much noteworthy in their parent's judgment until - well, pretty much ever. The older kids had more important high school stuff when I was a snotty nosed brat. They were starting careers and having grandchildren when I was going to college.

It was rare my parents came to any of my events because there was always something more important to go to for one of the older children.

While I learned a long time ago to deal with it and win by succeeding in life, it has been painful to watch the disregard extended to my own children. While everyone was expected to attend concerts, graduations, baptisms, etc for the older grandchildren, no one showed much interest towards my kids since it was all "old hat" by then. And they noticed.

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That's awful! It's one thing to go through it yourself but to see your own kids go through it...ugh. Makes me subconsciously clinch my fists.

On my side, it wasn't just me and my sisters. Ironically, Erica, the Chosen One out of us three, also had three kids. And HER oldest became a chosen one. He was showered with gifts and affection and attention nonstop while the other two while barely acknowledged as being alive. It is so. ****ing. weird. And horrible.

And my sister Jessica, who went through everything I did, has two kids and had to watch our family also never acknowledge them. Even our father. He would shower everything upon his step grandkids while never even calling to say happy birthday to his ACTUAL grandkids. And it would devastate my sister to no end. She would call me sobbing and asking me, lost, why our dad didn't love her kids. That is when I started to make it my choice to be estranged. I can take a lot, but the neverending pain it causes my sister made it easy to say **** em all in the end.

All the major offenders in my family are now dead but instead of feeling happy or even better, it just made me and Jessica feel more hollow.

This is why I will always advocate for the strong and supportive nuclear family. Because a broken family just ain't it.

Camo said:

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breaks my heart knowing how close my mom was to him as a kid to only be abandoned after he remarried. And to top it off he treated his wife's kids like his own and made my mom the black sheep

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Quote:

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That's a damn shame. That's exactly a reason why I will never remarry if something were to happen to my wife or marriage. I will not put my kids through that sort of thing.

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The evil stepmother stereotype is there for a reason.

Moms and Dads need to think seriously hard about remarriage after the death of a spouse. Your children don't need a 'new dad' or 'new mom'. They need you.

Man this thread makes me sad.

While my parents were never much for coming to sporting events, they did push and support us to succeed. My dad busted his butt to keep us clothed and fed and keep the ranch going as did my mom. They definitely went through a rocky part of their marriage, but stuck it out and we are all closer for it. I speak to them usually a few times a week on my commute home. My brother and I are really close (which I put down to growing up rurally where we were all we had in terms of playing with other kids). Text most every day and try and golf together at least 1x a month even though we live an hour apart.

Y'all got me in my head now, being all bitter.

I give my mom money every month and since she would never initiate contact, I tried an experiment once - I "forgot" to transfer the money into her account because I was "busy."

A couple days after I normally make the transfer she called laying on some guilt trip about how it's okay if I can't give her money anymore, she'll just make do on the fixed income she has. It was kind of insulting, but the challenge of being the successful one in the family is it often feels like they resent me for it or only call when they need/want me to pay for something. When they found out I bought a second home they acted like disappointed children who got a lump of coal on Christmas morning - like they were mad that I chose to spend my money on something other than them.

Speaking of Christmas - I also send them a big gift box for Christmas every year with assorted Texas-y things and gift cards. I haven't received so much as a Christmas card from anyone in my family in at least 15 years.

Dang! You sound l like a good dude but your fam treats you like shiit.

Sometimes (actually, whenever I sit and think about it) I feel like I accomplished what I have in spite of my parents, definitely not because of them. They divorced when I was about 5; never knew the reason.

My mom is on her 4th marriage. She's nice and means well and wants the best for everyone, but she generally doesn't think ahead or consider consequences...just lives in the near-term and prefers to sweep under-the-rug any difficult conversations. She often defaults to "God has a plan". BS. From my point-of-view, God is falling down on the job. My dad seems to have never had ambition. He always seemed perfectly content to have menial jobs.

I text with them occasionally and visit about once/year, but I don't look forward to it or miss them at any time.

To a degree, yes. It was just so weird he remarried when my Mom was like 28, she was married to my Dad by then, normal life.

Even more strange, the "step kids" who were about the same age as my Mom were calling him "Daddy" wth

Mom still says he was always just the nicest man in person, large 6'6, always had a plaid button up on, never a t shirt, army vet, worked until the day he died.

He came to my wedding and my Mom and him hugged like a father daughter who just missed one another, a mutual embrace that i'll never forget seeing, my mom cried. To us we believe his new wife kept him away from my Mother because she was from his old life.

I could go on, typing this makes my younger self miss that guy. But thanks to him, I am over 6ft! hahahah

Camo said:

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To a degree, yes. It was just so weird he remarried when my Mom was like 28, she was married to my Dad by then, normal life.

Even more strange, the "step kids" who were about the same age as my Mom were calling him "Daddy" wth

Mom still says he was always just the nicest man in person, large 6'6, always had a plaid button up on, never a t shirt, army vet, worked until the day he died.

He came to my wedding and my Mom and him hugged like a father daughter who just missed one another, a mutual embrace that i'll never forget seeing, my mom cried. To us we believe his new wife kept him away from my Mother because she was from his old life.

I could go on, typing this makes my younger self miss that guy. But thanks to him, I am over 6ft! hahahah

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I could tell almost the exact same story about my dad and his new wife, except that the new wife admits to keeping him away from me and his only grandkids.

Sometimes you have to love your family from afar!

Wolfpac 08 said:

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It amazes me how a death (especially of a mom or dad) can bring out the absolute worst in a family.

When my grandpa died, my aunt:
-accused my dad of stealing things from his house in the middle of the night
-threatened to sue his doctor (he died during a complicated heart surgery in 2005)
-caused a giant scene when my dad didn't have him buried in his house shows (???)

When my dad died, she accused my step-mom of stealing the family Bible. We didn't even know there was a family Bible

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Sinners

My Mom died my junior year in high school and my Dad remarried right after I graduated and my relationship with my dad was never the same. Never felt welcome at their home. She even accused me of stealing her underwear when I was at A&M. My dad called me about it. I would write letters to my dad and she would send them back to me with red marking on them and a grade. So, I stopped writing.

She didn't come to my graduation from A&M or my marriage to my first wife or her funeral and didn't show for my second marriage.

Unfortunately, my dad died first and when she died I was told my dad didn't have a will and her kids took on the property and investments.

Almost forgot, when my niece got married, she told the bride that she didn't agree with the marriage, but congratulations.

All these stories about bad remarriages....most of them it's a stepmother that is the problem.

I told my wife this and I mean it- if she dies then it's gonna be hookers and blow for me whenever I get an itch. The kids don't need a second mom at their age. I can handle anything they throw at me now.

I would definitely not remarry.

Would consider cohabitation after the kids were out of the house with an agreement in writing that my **** is my **** and her **** is her **** and never the two will mingle.

But marriage? Nahhhh

TexasAggie73 said:

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My Mom died my junior year in high school and my Dad remarried right after I graduated and my relationship with my dad was never the same. Never felt welcome at their home. She even accused me of stealing her underwear when I was at A&M. My dad called me about it. I would write letters to my dad and she would send them back to me with red marking on them and a grade. So, I stopped writing.

She didn't come to my graduation from A&M or my marriage to my first wife or her funeral and didn't show for my second marriage.

Unfortunately, my dad died first and when she died I was told my dad didn't have a will and her kids took on the property and investments.

Almost forgot, when my niece got married, she told the bride that she didn't agree with the marriage, but congratulations.

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WTH

My wife's family is messed up. My wife is 1 of 7. One of her brothers passed away in 1998, her dad in 2016. Since the passing of the dad, the two youngest siblings have taken over "control" of the family. My MIL lives with one of them.

Politics has initiated a divide to where my wife has been removed from her side by the two youngest sibs. One time many years ago, my wife and MIL got into an argument and my MIL hung up on her. Since that time, my wife has been "dead to Julie and Jacquelyn."

Not been invited to any family reunions, holidays, etc in years. One of the siblings lives in Illinois, just east of St. Louis where they all grew up, the other mean ass ***** lives in Austin but is moving to Berlin, Germany. The Austin one and her family have vowed to not come back until after Trump is gone.

My wife and her mom get along fine now. It's weird, though, as it's like my MIL has this secret wing of the family down here in College Station that is separate. She means well but the youngest daughters who run the show are just mean and vindictive.

All good, though. My wife's oldest sibling lives in San Antonio and she's great. She's tried to patch things up but the two mean sisters shut her down. At this point, my wife is happy with the arrangement. She has her mom and oldest sister and that's totally fine.

Ags4DaWin said:

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All these stories about bad remarriages....most of them it's a stepmother that is the problem.

I told my wife this and I mean it- if she dies then it's gonna be hookers and blow for me whenever I get an itch. The kids don't need a second mom at their age. I can handle anything they throw at me now.

I would definitely not remarry.

Would consider cohabitation after the kids were out of the house with an agreement in writing that my **** is my **** and her **** is her **** and never the two will mingle.

But marriage? Nahhhh

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Seriously, This is the way to do it.

wife doesn't speak with her mom. Classic manipulative narcissist behavior, but what finally pushed it over the edge is she did 23andme and found out her biological dad is not the same as her siblings due to an affair. Mom never apologized or took ownership of it or anything. Insanity

If we did an informal survey based only on the responses here, what percentage of the issues would be attributed to the ladies, and what percentage would be attributed to the gentlemen?

It seems to be listing to port quite a bit (apologies to Sea Speed if I didn't apply that term correctly).

Similar for me. If my wife goes first, I'll probably move but the new house would be pretty geeked-out:

• Homebrew kitchen/setup in the garage.
• Indoor IT nerd lab (with plenty of power and a/c)
• Large kitchen for cooking experimenting.
• Rooms for the kids and their families to visit.

But, a new wife/girlfriend is a definite no-go.

(so many edits because I was OCD'ing on formatting)

We now have clear and concise evidence that WOMEN are at the epicenter of every problem

I guess I am estranged to many family members - more me than them (does that make be a woman).

Mom and Dad are dead.

Dad's side - never close. I owe a debt of gratitude to my uncle that I can never repay. He has never really reached out and the few times I have he doesn't seem that interested in having any type of relationship. His kids have never reached out and neither have I. I do see his wife from time to time. They AirBnB the house next to ours in Bandera and I will see her occasionally. Never more than a quick and awkward hello.

Mom's side are all a touch crazy if not full blown bat guano crazy. One of her brothers died - drank himself to death self medicating. The other brother I have no respect for. I do try and keep in touch with her sister, but that usually means being around the rest of the family so that's a hard no for me.

Ex-wife and I were married for over 20 years. I attempted to keep in contact when we first divorced - very naive on my part. I left her so that is all on me.

My sister and I are still very close. I will go see my niece play soccer several times a year at A&M. Her other child doesn't want anything to do with me, I'm okay with that.

I am close to my daughter.

I have never understood the bond with family. Most, I would never be friends with if they weren't family. I am much closer to my good friends and consider them more of my family. They have been there for me when my family was not.

Probably I'm the problem, but I'm content with it.

I'm adopted, so I guess technically I'm estranged from a good portion of my biological family (I have met some and maintain a bit of a relationship with them)

That said- my adoptive family is bad ass and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

histag10 said:

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I'm adopted, so I guess technically I'm estranged from a good portion of my biological family (I have met some and maintain a bit of a relationship with them)

That said- my adoptive family is bad ass and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

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Oh look. Not one but TWO families love her

King of the Dairy Queen said:

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ME92 said:

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wangus12 said:

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burrito post said:

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Wolfpac 08 said:

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burrito post said:

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I wish I was estranged from my sister in law.

She is a deadbeat that hasn't worked since December 2015
She lives with my inlaws but won't talk to my wife or I
My in laws live in a house that we own.
We financially support my inlaws and by default my SIL
I like my MIL but she refuses to hold my SIL accountable
My SIL is very religious and thinks we are going to hell for many reasons
When asked why she won't get a job or work she says it's because of heath reasons.
She doesn't believe in western medicine, refuses to go to a doctor, and believes God will heal her.
She has always wanted kids but only ever manages to online date other religious weirdos
She just turned 49




So yeah I wish I didn't have to deal with her crap, but here we are.

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And when she dies she's going to ask God "why didn't you heal me?!" And he'll reply "I gave you western medicine…what more did you want?!"

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Among other things, she is convinced she has leaky gut syndrome and is big into all natural treatments.


It's infuriating.

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Lol I had a patient today who told our Dr that he wants nothing but all natural treatments to stay healthy.

He owns several McDonald's franchises.

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If the patient only wanted natural treatments why go to the doctor at all?

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Practicing medicine being synonymous with prescribing drugs is about 10 minutes old.

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Bring back the leeches!

Aggie Dad 26 said:

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histag10 said:

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I'm adopted, so I guess technically I'm estranged from a good portion of my biological family (I have met some and maintain a bit of a relationship with them)

That said- my adoptive family is bad ass and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

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Oh look. Not one but TWO families love her

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The problem seems specifically to be a feeling of jealousy/inadequacy from stepmothers towards the previous wife's children.

Wow …

Very powerful stories on this thread.

yes, estranged from my verbally-abusive, alcholic, manipulative, narcissistic father who berated me constantly while growing up. My life is better now.