So, anyway ….

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IIIHorn
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7:52p, 10/30/24
This guy walks into a bar, grabs a bar stool, sits down, orders a beer and slumps over the bar.

The bartender asks: "Are you ok?"

The guy says: "I haven't slept a wink in two weeks. Fortunately, I have an appointment with a veterinarian tomorrow morning."

Bartender: "A veterinarian? You need to see a doctor!"

The guy replies: "You don't understand. It's my pet cricket. He has restless leg syndrome."
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Anchorhold
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7:59p, 10/30/24
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
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TX_COWDOC
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8:46p, 10/30/24
AG
Take it to the entomology board.
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IIIHorn
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In reply to TX_COWDOC • 8:53p, 10/30/24
TX_COWDOC said:
Take it to the entomology board.


Ha!
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IIIHorn
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8:54p, 10/30/24
So anyway …

This guy walks into an empty bar and orders a beer.

The bartender serves one up in a frosty mug and continues with his routine.

The guy hears a voice: "You are really good looking aren't you?"

The guy looks over at the bartender but sees him occupied with his duties.

The guy hears the voice again: "Wow. You are really attractive!"

The guy asks the bartender: "Are you talking to me?"

Bartender: "No. Why?"

The guy recites for the bartender what he heard.

The bartender says: "No … That's the peanuts. They're complimentary."
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StinkyPinky
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In reply to Anchorhold • 9:06p, 10/30/24
AG
Anchorhold said:
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
The greatness of Mitch Hedberg.
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double fault
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9:41p, 10/30/24
A guy walks into a bar and says ouch
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An L of an Ag
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9:57p, 10/30/24
AG
The bartender says "What will ya have, pal?"

A tachyon walks into a bar.
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YokelRidesAgain
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In reply to StinkyPinky • 10:10p, 10/30/24
AG
StinkyPinky said:
Anchorhold said:
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
The greatness of Mitch Hedberg.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See full Medical Disclaimer.
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IIIHorn
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In reply to An L of an Ag • 12:15p, 10/31/24
An L of an Ag said:
The bartender says "What will ya have, pal?"

A tachyon walks into a bar.

Genius
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IIIHorn
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12:19p, 10/31/24
So, anyway …

The past, present & future walked into a bar.

It was tense.
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IIIHorn
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12:21p, 10/31/24
Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

"Get out!" shouts the barman. "We don't serve your type here!"
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Claude!
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12:24p, 10/31/24
So anyway, I started blasting.
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IIIHorn
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12:27p, 10/31/24
This nuclear physicist walks into a bar and orders a gin atomic.
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IIIHorn
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12:28p, 10/31/24
So, anyway...

A screwdriver rolls into a bar.

The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The screwdriver asks, "You have a drink named Murray?"
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Hoosegow
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12:39p, 10/31/24
So anyway...

A skeleton walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "What will you have?"

The skeleton replies, "A beer... and a mop."
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IIIHorn
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1:20p, 10/31/24
Helium walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

The bartender says: "Sorry. We don't serve noble gasses in this establishment."

Helium didn't react.

Soon after …

Oxygen & Magnesium walked in together.

OMg
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IIIHorn
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1:22p, 10/31/24
So, anyway ...

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says: "Sorry sir but this establishment requires neckties."

The cowboy walks out, rummages through the bed of his truck, finds his jumper cables, ties them around his neck and walks back in.

He asks the bartender: "Does this work?"

The bartender replies: "As long as you don't start anything."
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Biz Ag
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In reply to double fault • 1:33p, 10/31/24
AG
double fault said:
A guy walks into a bar and says ouch
Two blondes walk into a bar.

The redhead ducks.

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vin1041
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2:03p, 10/31/24
AG
What does a cheeseburger say when introducing his wife? Meat Patty!
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