Mmm plantain chips, bawthhh.

I had the last voicemail from my Mom saved on my phone, it was just "Hey "Earl", just calling to check in on you and swap updates, call me when you can, love you!" And when I swapped to a new phone it got lost. That voicemail was from about 3 days before we lost her.

Still wish I could've convinced mom to do this so little Earl could've known the love of his Gammaw Gail

Wish I could have saved them from Teacher Wife '82.

Your parents are people at the end of the day. They aren't worthy of adoration or respect if they're ****ty people by virtue of being a parent.

PSA

My dad passed in 2021, in a hospital with COVID, a month after my first son (his first grandkid). This has been my biggest regret, and main recommendation I give to people now.

dabo man said:

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Mom and me in November 1975. I'm about six weeks shy of being four. We're waiting for my older sister's school bus.

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Very nice pic! How old were you here, about 3? Is this Dallas?

EFE said:

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Still wish I could've convinced mom to do this so little Earl could've known the love of his Gammaw Gail

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He'll know through your example, and more directly through the stories you tell about her. I don't remember if you ever shared your mom's reservations with me, but at a minimum I hope the concept of us capturing her legacy reinforced how much she's loved by y'all.

I'm filming a 32 year old mama on Thursday who beat breast cancer only to find out a few weeks later it had spread to her liver, lungs, pancreas, bone and muscle tissue. I just had to look up the list on Facebook to get it right because it's so ridiculous. I suggested we film before school starts so her daughter can be there, which she loves the idea of, but I volunteered that so we'd get it filmed asap. I always film asap.

I would kill to be able to sport that 70s bowl cut again, but my hair line won't allow it.

My wife's Mom has been gone 7 years. She still has a VMail from her that she will not erase...ever.

She didn't like the idea of her last months feeling like a long ass wake. She was optimistic up until the very end. She had her best girlfriend from college sneak in a Sam's cheese burger for lunch that day.

EFE said:

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She didn't like the idea of her last months feeling like a long ass wake. She was optimistic up until the very end. She had her best girlfriend from college sneak in a Sam's cheese burger for lunch that day.

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Damn, I would've had a blast with that woman! I love her vibe. I have a feeling stories about her are going to be easy for you to work into teaching moments with little Earl.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I went with my mom and dad for a drive today. About 45 minutes to an hour of driving around where daddy grew up. I made sure to ask him about some of the stories that I have heard dozens of times. I know them all as well as he does by now, but I have it recorded in his voice now.

What a gift! I'm so glad you were able to do that.

713nervy said:

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What a gift! I'm so glad you were able to do that.

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Thanks. About the time this thread started, I saw something attributed to Denzil Washington. Seemed like a good idea, so I asked some of these tonight.

Seven Questions to ask your dad before it is too late


1. What's your happiest memory of us?
2. What were those first few days of fatherhood like?
3. What have you learned about love and what has it taught you?
4. What do you want or wish most for your kids?
5. When was the moment you felt most proud of me?
6. What's the nicest thing I have ever done for you?
7. What is the one thing you want me to always remember after you are gone?

Right after my daughter was born, as part of her time capsule, I videoed her great grandfather telling his life story. On her birthday 4 years from this year (she'll be 25), she'll receive her time capsule and all of its contents, physical and digital.

Having lost both parents myself, I don't think having hours and hours of footage is necessarily the right thing to do, but grieving is not one size fits all. For me, I have some voicemails from my dad up to the last few days of his life. I will never delete these. My mother passed before alot of this stuff was so easily saved (voicemails, videos), but I would love to have something similar. (I would absolutely kill for a video of my whole family together...maybe like a Christmas of of 95 or something). However, at some point, you have to let go. You have to get the final separation from your parents. Its part of the natural arc and journey of life.

But all that said, for those who have parents still alive, come up with and execute a plan YEARS before you think you need to to have important conversations. I would suggest not just getting some "facts" about their life (and yours), but how they felt about it. How they viewed it. What they were scared of. How they got certain things to work. This is how you can draw on their advice and experience for years to come after they are gone.

spud has some good questions to start thinking about this.

I will share this and maybe it will help someone. When my dad passed and my sister and I were cleaning out my parents house and my childhood home, on the last night before we sold it, it was empty but for me, and the ghosts of a life long since passed, I stood there in that empty living room imagining my incredible loving family, and wondered, if this life was enough for my parents. Was I enough? Was life enough? It was the only time through the death of my mother and being the caretaker of my father that I cried. Not the little misty kind of deal, but that emotion coming so hard and so fast it comes out like a sneeze, cough, or choke.

Of course, my parents would have said yes, resoundingly, and rational thought took back over, but these are the types of things that you will face when you are no one's child, and you are looking at the rest of your life trying to derive any kind of meaning from it.

Nervy makes a very good suggestion in the OP. I did video interviews of my parents years ago, and got to my Mom just before she started to have dementia. I am very glad that I did it. It was fun to ask my parents about where they were during significant historical events, what their reactions were, what advice they would give to their children and now grandchildren, etc.

The one I am absolutely kicking myself in the rear about not interviewing was my grandfather. When I was but a wee lad, he would tell me stories about being in the trenches of France during WWI. He was one of my favorite persons ever, and it would have been great to have had his stories on film to be preserved. My Mom has passed, but this thread just might be the thing to get me to dust off the video camera and interview my Dad again while I can.

Scotts Tot said:

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My dad has been gone 9 years. He died before we started taking photos and videos all the time, so I don't really have any recordings of him other than old family videos.

There is a voicemail on my phone he left the week before he died. It's literally him saying "hey call me back when you get a chance". I can't find it in myself to delete it.

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Yeah, my mom left voicemails all the time to the point of filling up my inbox. I haven't deleted any since she passed.

Lost my dad in 2019 and mom in 2022. For those who still have your parents or parent stop finding excuses for not calling, doing a chore, just stopping by, etc. I would give anything to talk to my mom and dad again.

My oldest sister pointed out the other day how blessed we are with some of the interviews my dad gave for such places as the WW2 museum in New Orleans. Those will live on. Anyone who wants a link can ask, but I won't put it here due to a sudden uptick of *******s posting.

You're…welcome…?

Weird resurrection of a user that hasn't posted in over 10 years. You missed the where are they now thread?

Ummmmm I am sooo weirded out right now.

WTF

This. Is. Awesome.

TRD-Ferguson said:

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I would give anything to talk to my mom and dad again.

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Same. This is some of the lingering pain as time marches across your face.

You would love to have even just a few minutes to "check in." Update them on your life and the things that have happened. It seems one never shakes the need to have your parents put your art on the refrigerator.

Thanks again for this thread. I was making our regular drive with my mom and dad and granddaughters today. I asked my dad to sing for the girls like he used to do when we were driving to church on that road. He surprised me and started singing Johnny Horton's The Battle of New Orleans. I asked him to do it again and recorded it. It will be priceless for us in the years to come.

My folks are both gone. But in the months before my dad died I would call him regularly. Often there wasn't much to say, so I decided to start asking him about his life. While he talked, I would type it up on my laptop. And I just started with where he was born, did his mom use a midwife (he was born in 1925), his earliest friends, school and just worked it up until the present day. I found out all kinds of things about his time in WWII, battles he was in, and the odd variety of jobs (combat medic, dental hygenist/assistant, infantry officer), how he went through OCS in France during the war, meeting my mom in the Philippines, the Korean War, when where and how he earned his Purple Heart...etc. When I "published" to the family, everyone was amazed at how much we did not know. There was so much that just had gone unsaid.

Doing that history was fantastic. Our 5 minute calls turned into hour long conversations. I only wish I had started it sooner.

kbarj said:

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My folks are both gone. But in the months before my dad died I would call him regularly. Often there wasn't much to say, so I decided to start asking him about his life. While he talked, I would type it up on my laptop. And I just started with where he was born, did his mom use a midwife (he was born in 1925), his earliest friends, school and just worked it up until the present day. I found out all kinds of things about his time in WWII, battles he was in, and the odd variety of jobs (combat medic, dental hygenist/assistant, infantry officer), how he went through OCS in France during the war, meeting my mom in the Philippines, the Korean War, when where and how he earned his Purple Heart...etc. When I "published" to the family, everyone was amazed at how much we did not know. There was so much that just had gone unsaid.

Doing that history was fantastic. Our 5 minute calls turned into hour long conversations. I only wish I had started it sooner.

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That's a good idea. I know my dad was born at home, near where we were today. He always told me that he would take me there, but it has been owned by a mininig company and unaccessable since the 1980s. I don't know if there was a midwife, or just family or no one but my grandmother and granddad. I need to ask him.

AggieArchitect04 said:

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This. Is. Awesome.

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Dammit! I always miss the drama

I will be doing more of this next time I see my parents. Thanks Nervy

I completed a "Life Lessons" book for both of my now-adult children when they were much younger. I will be delivering those items to them before I leave the country in about a month.

TexasAggie81 said:

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I completed a "Life Lessons" book for both of my now-adult children when they were much younger. I will be delivering those items to them before I leave the country in about a month.

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This is an amaaaaazing gift that they will cherish for the rest of their lives.

I'm currently volunteering at a sleep away camp for children who have lost a parent or sibling. It is never too soon to start recording memories - or writing your children letters that they can have when they're older.