I'm not talking about the difference between the kid down the block vs the kid 1000 miles away. I'm talking within the same family. Stepdaughter's mother in law doesn't even hide that she favors the oldest boy over the other three. When The Wife mentioned it a while back, I didn't think much of it, but after this weekend I think she has a point.

Try having mother in-law obviously favor their biological child (and partner) over their two adopted kids and get back to me.

Completely dysfunctional.

Bio kid may not have her own kids, it appears, so likely dodged that landmine at least...

Yes I have. It was not as blatant as your situation sounds, but they did show favoritism to one over the other. You could almost say it was a hereditary trait, as this persons grandmother treated her and her sibling the same way favoring the sibling.

Oh definitely. My grandmother has favored one of my cousins above the rest of us, including that cousin's siblings, ever since we were little kids. She's always gotten her pick of everything, and as kids we were always stuck doing whatever she wanted when we'd visit together.

I have seen it, but not quite as bad.

As a grandparent, I always have watched how much attention I pay to one over another. It is easy to get caught up in focusing on the younger child because they are "new" so to speak, so I make it a point to give the older child her share of attention as well.

My paternal grandma loved my oldest brother. She didn't care much for my middle brother and me. And even at a young age, we were aware. It didn't matter that my oldest brother was a ******bag. At least my grandpa didn't show the same favoritism. He was great!

I would say it is not unusual. I was apparently the favorite of my paternal grandparents growing up. I was their first grandchild, lived the closest (except for my sister) and spent the most time with them working on the farm. But they always gave us the same things. All the cousins opened Christmas gifts at the same time because they were all the same. At my grandmother's funeral, her daughter (my aunt) made the comment that I was the favorite. And she meant it as a compliment.

Now that I am a grandparent, I take great care not to play favorites. The first granddaughter was a well recieved to put it mildly. I don't think anyone would have meant to play favorites when the second came along two years later, but I went out of my way to make sure that I gave her just as much attention as her sister. Now that they are 5 and 7, they are both loved very much. But my wife mentions how it seemed that I put them on equal terms from the start, but it took her time to develop the relationship she already had with the first.

I am the favorite. The other grandkids should do better.

My paternal grandparents never forgave my dad for marrying my Mexican mom, and it clearly showed in how the different sets of grandkids were treated. If they were still alive, they would absolutely hate that my cousin has a half-black daughter now.

My brother is apparently like this with his grandkids. He's a POS that I haven't talked to in almost 11 years but I have a great relationship with his kids. They don't really care for him much either. But my nephew's oldest is great at sports so my brother goes out of his way to let everyone know she is his favorite. He did the same with my nephew who was also great at sports. He's a self centered jackass.

the other kids should strive to be like that kid

My son is by far the favorite grandkid of my parents, but he's also their only grandkid.

When my dad was alive he always called my son his favorite grandson. #granddad joke

My grandad remarried later in life so Christmas was always a blend of her kids/grandkids and his. She definitely favored her biological grandkids but made sure that we were treated equally. This was accomplished by giving all the boy grandkids whatever toy her grandson wanted and ditto for the girls and her granddaughter. If he was into hockey and she was into Barbie, that's what the rest of the bunch was getting haha.

Yes. My own paternal grandparents.

They swooped in and saved my oldest sister from poverty and neglect and quasi adopted her. And from that day on my other sister and I were completely forgotten about or treated like the peasant help if they had to stoop so low as to even acknowledge our existence. It was pretty deflating to hear about all the cool trips to Disney world and beaches while stuck in a roach infested cesspit filled with neglect and a never ending stream of strange men named "moms friend". Especially when said trip took them through the actual city we lived in en route to their fun and prosperity. Without even thinking about the other two kids trapped in their ****ty childhood as they drove past them.

Jokes on them though. The golden sister turned out to be a terrible human being that brought them nothing but grief and drama over the years.

To this day, I still have no earthly idea what caused all of that or why they acted the way they did. And not bitter at all to this day about it. Nope. Not even a lil bit.

Favorites? I don't think so. On both sides of the family, there were grandkids that were closer with Grandma and Grandpa, but that's largely because they were geographically closer to Grandma and Grandpa.

I grew up with this to an extent. I was adopted, and it was always pretty obvious growing up that the family didn't see me the same way as the other kids. Definitely sucks.

Holy $#@&. That's awful.

texasaggie2015 said:

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I grew up with this to an extent. I was adopted, and it was always pretty obvious growing up that the family didn't see me the same way as the other kids. Definitely sucks.

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I have a few adopted kids, and it definitely happens. Luckily the grandparents in question don't live anywhere close so it's easy to just avoid…. Plus they'll be dead before my kids will be old enough to notice it.

Yes, my Mother for sure. She favors my oldest daughter (10) over my almost two year old and my brothers two kids (M5 and F8). My brother's kids aren't particularly close because their helicopter Mom doesn't let my Mom watch them, but they're very close to her mother who's always around.

She favors my 10 year old over the 2 because my 2 year old is extremely busy and very difficult to manage in my mother's house and at her age. She's told me many times that my 10 year old is like the daughter she never had. I don't really mind, because I'm glad that she's so close to my 10 year old. It bothers my wife, that my Mom rarely wants to babysit the 2 year old, since my wife's family lives abroad and we don't have any other babysitter options. I know they'll grow closer as my youngest matures and isn't such a PITA to deal with.

I think my parents definitely prefer my daughter over my sister's kids, but they don't treat them any differently as far as attention, affection, gifts, etc. It's just that my daughter is an "easy" child while my sister's kids are really difficult and my parents get worn out more quickly when they visit. They'll rarely offer to keep my nieces, but they're always asking to take my daughter for several days at a time.

What's funny is that my daughter was adopted. When she was a baby I had a fear that they wouldn't love her as much because she's not biologically related, but I really had nothing to worry about. On the other hand, my sister's kids are carbon copies of her, she was also extremely difficult as a child, so I kind of wonder if it's triggering for my parents that their grandkids remind them so much of how hard it was to parent her.

My parents favor my children because mine weren't uppity and loved visiting them. The others hated going over there because their *****, dad, thinks he's better than everyone and is the smartest guy in every room he steps in. So, his children took on his mindset.

But, it's nice because I was treated indifferently so at least they made up for it somehow?

I was the favorite.

I was the only grandchild for 12 years. In their eyes, I was perfect & could do no wrong because I was the only one.

But when I was 12, they went from 1 grandchild to 5 in a matter of 18 months and were up to 8 within a couple of more years. They saw my cousins as louder & more exhausting than they remembered me being. I suppose they really were louder & more exhausting, but only because there were so many at once. Plus, my grandparents were now a decade older & slower, and none of this grandparent stuff was new anymore. They thought I was smarter & better behaved than my cousins, but I wasn't. There was just 1 of me and it was all new to them.

And that continued all the way into adulthood:
Getting my drivers license
Graduating from high school
Graduated from college (first in my entire family)
Getting a real job
Getting married & having my own family

My grandparents were overjoyed as I reached these milestones and were so proud they couldn't hide it. They tried to help financially on things like my 1st new car & college expenses. Because I was first, and they'd never experienced anything like these things as a grandparent.

But when my younger cousins reached those milestones, there were 4 kids hitting them all at the same time and it didn't seem as special to my grandparents. They had done all this before. Plus, there were too many to really help financially. No matter what my cousins ever did, my grandparents couldn't help but look at my version as better.

It never affected my relationship with my cousins. I don't even know if anyone other than me ever noticed. But I noticed, and it always bothered me. I don't hold it against my grandparents. It's probably just human nature. They loved all of us very much, and I think they loved us all equally, but there is no doubt that I was favored in a way that the others never experienced.

In 2007 I had a conversation with my paternal grandmother. Here's how it went.

Me: How are you okay to vote for a black man to be president but refuse to acknowledge [my sister] and her mixed kids? They're your great-grandchildren; don't you want to know them?

Her: I will always vote Democrat because the Democrats invented social security. I don't care what color the President is, I just don't want them in my blood.

I know this guy, we'll call him Old Joe. He and his family are loaded. He has a son that has a daughter, we'll call her Navy. Old Joe and his wife, she's a doctor (but not a real one) won't even acknowledge Navy exists! Sad. Nobody should do that kind of thing. You have to be a real ******* to do something like that.

My maternal grandparents put one of their grandsons in their will as an equal beneficiary to their actual children.

They have 6 grandkids. No one else got *****

What do I win?

Maybe.

Can't say I blame them though.

My mother favors both pf my sister's kids because both my sisters are screw ups. And she tries to make up for the fact that their kids get the shaft.

Younger sister married and had kids with her abusive husband.

Older sister kept having kids to keep her husband around and now they are divorced.

My mom sees them all the time because my sisters can't afford childcare so she babysits. None are well adjusted. They are all brats with poor emotional control and other issues.

My dad prefers my kids because they are well adjusted and have things going for them.

The weird thing is that my kids prefer my mom to their maternal grandmother in spite of this.

It is what it is. Families are weird.

But does she do this....?

My mother greatly favors our middle daughter and has disdain for our youngest.
She's ok with the oldest

B-1 83 said:

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I'm not talking about the difference between the kid down the block vs the kid 1000 miles away.

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no but this is our situation with both sets of grandparents. Believe it or not, it still takes a toll.

I'm the admitted favorite. There's a reason too! I'm the one that has always come to visit them. Come by just to talk and watch wheel of fortune because they enjoy the company. Always been around to help with anything electronic and any other problem they've had.

I was the favorite grandchild on both sides of my family. Why? Because I took the time to visit and have a meal with both of them once a week and called consistently to make sure they were okay. Even if I wasn't the favorite, I would have done the same thing.