…to look at. Hoping someone who won't cherry pick from it.
jokershady said:
The only words you need are right here….
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
maroon barchetta said:
Do you have a melody in mind?
TheGreatEscape said:
Should I just post the words to see if people like it? It's about falling in love in marriage.
maroon barchetta said:TheGreatEscape said:
Should I just post the words to see if people like it? It's about falling in love in marriage.
Sure. Post 'Em.
Do you have a genre in mind?
Country?
Easy listening?
Softer grunge like an acoustic Alice In Chains or Soundgarden song?
TheGreatEscape said:
"When all is said and done"
Verse 1
She has you shamelessly laughing as ice cream is running down your bearded cheek
She has you jogging on sidewalks as vast as the landscape she creates around you
Having forgotten all the steps that you had taken before you had met
She has you smelling in Southern atmospheres of
cheap wine, beer, and cigarettes
Chorus:
-
When all is said and done
You can't believe how alive she is making you feel
She doesn't believe love belongs to the strong
She grows on you beyond the rain is gone
-
Verse 2
Her blue eyelids shape you into her motionless pattern of light
Making you do things like an inner tube around you floating down the river in Con Can
Having forgotten her too delicate, demanding, inner-finicky ways
Underneath her throw blankets in the meteor showers at night
Chorus:
-
When all is said and done
You can't believe how alive she is making you feel
She doesn't believe love belongs to the strong
She grows on you beyond the rain is gone
heavily intoxtricated said:TheGreatEscape said:
"When all is said and done"
Verse 1
She has you shamelessly laughing as ice cream is running down your bearded cheek
She has you jogging on sidewalks as vast as the landscape she creates around you
Having forgotten all the steps that you had taken before you had met
She has you smelling in Southern atmospheres of
cheap wine, beer, and cigarettes
Chorus:
-
When all is said and done
You can't believe how alive she is making you feel
She doesn't believe love belongs to the strong
She grows on you beyond the rain is gone
-
Verse 2
Her blue eyelids shape you into her motionless pattern of light
Making you do things like an inner tube around you floating down the river in Con Can
Having forgotten her too delicate, demanding, inner-finicky ways
Underneath her throw blankets in the meteor showers at night
Chorus:
-
When all is said and done
You can't believe how alive she is making you feel
She doesn't believe love belongs to the strong
She grows on you beyond the rain is gone
Those are top notch lyrics, bro. Give me a day or two and I'll throw something together for you. I haven't recorded in a while so jyst need to get some equipment set back up.
hoosier-daddy said:
just skimmed it but a couple thoughts
I like your song! The lyrics are creative and evocative, and they paint a vivid picture of a passionate love affair. I can really feel the excitement and joy that the speaker is experiencing. The chorus is catchy and memorable, and it perfectly captures the essence of the song.
I especially like the line "She doesn't believe love belongs to the strong." This line suggests that love is something that can be experienced by anyone, regardless of their strength or weakness. It's a powerful message, and it fits well with the overall theme of the song.
I think your song has a lot of potential. With a bit of polish, it could be a really great song. I would love to hear it performed with music.
Here are a few suggestions for improvement:Overall, I think you've written a great song. With a few tweaks, it could be a really special piece of music. Keep up the good work!
- The first verse is a bit long. It might be better to split it into two verses.
- The second verse could be more specific. For example, instead of saying "Having forgotten her too delicate, demanding, inner-finicky ways," you could say something like "Having forgotten how she always wants things her way."
- The chorus could be even catchier. Maybe you could add a few more rhymes or a more memorable melody.
hoosier-daddy said:
You're welcome
/Bard
Ginormus Ag said:
Sucks. Didn't say nothing about Mama, trains or trucks, or prison, or getting drunk.
Ghost of Bisbee said:
Good lyrics, but where's the verse about great sex?
Philo B 93 said:
I appreciate the effort that went into the writing, but unfortunately I just don't understand what it means. I see a love song there, but it's too abstract for me. I don't hear a melody in the verses.
Only my opinion. The song may mean everything to millions of others.
Brian Earl Spilner said:
True love is hard to find.
Sometimes you think you have true love, and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego, and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded, like a ******* magic show, ready to double team your girlfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out how we were supposed to know what you were looking for based on what you posted. The words "artist," "song," and "music" were all notably absent.TheGreatEscape said:
Rough crowd.
Just trying to find an artist who would sing the song. They are free to come up with the music.
Beer Baron said:I'm still trying to figure out how we were supposed to know what you were looking for based on what you posted. The words "artist," "song," and "music" were all notably absent.TheGreatEscape said:
Rough crowd.
Just trying to find an artist who would sing the song. They are free to come up with the music.