Just thought I'd ask how prevalent this issue is with us olds. I have 3 adult children, oldest is married and doesn't want kids. I'm playing it cool, but damn.

I think if a person even thinks that they don't, then it's best to not. Even people who are desperate to be parents find it difficult to be good ones at times, can't imagine how rough it would be if one's heart wasn't 100% in it. I know a handful of childless by choice individuals and couples and they all have what appear to be fulfilling lives.

None of mine are quite grown, but they all say they want kids. Youngest doesn't want to give birth though (she's only 8 lol) and swears she's going to adopt.

I don't think kids should be having sex.

They find the idea of kids as a burden. How did you raise them?

You chose to have kids. Why don't they get the freedom to make the same choice?

Also, we need more information about WHY your kids don't want to have kids. Then you can work on solving that problem if you're willing.
If they don't want their house destroyed, commit to paying for a maid twice a week and a remodel once the kids hit high school.
If child care is too expensive, offer to cover daycare, school, and all college costs.
If they don't have time, offer to pay for a nanny. If they don't want to change diapers, you may have to hire two or three nannys.
Usually comes down to either time or money, and both of those problems can usually be solved with your money and time. Make sure the kids know what you're offering so that they can make an informed decision. And then go adopt a kid if you still want grandkids and your kids won't provide them.

without too much, all played baseball/softball, all went to college (2 'Noles, 1 Gator), all are very successful. Oldest boy is the first to decide, my two daughters may be different, but both are in their mid 20's and not married. Which is not a big deal, I think they'll marry. I think one of two will have kids. So it's just the first that got my attention and got me interested in others thoughts on the subject.

It's nice being able to do whatever the hell you want to do, at almost anytime. All the couples with kiddos are boatanchored and either have to settle for kid friendly activities or figure out ways to do limited things without the kid.

I didn't want kids until I was into my 30's and I was very honest about it with my now-husband (told him on our 2nd date in case he did want kids)
That opinion def changed but I was correct, kids are sooooooooooooooo much work!

they do get the chance to make their own decision on it. If all 3 decide not to have children, I would silently suffer, I'm not the kind to badger or be involved in pushing them or any of that stuff. it's their decision, I can live with that. I'm not giving large sums of $$$ to persuade them for having kids, no f way. That's bs if you ask me. And I'd never ever complain to them, ever. It's their life, they can enjoy it any way they want. No hard feelings. They're all great adults, productive, & happy. That's good enough for me, I've done my job. By the way, I was a tough dad, but loving. Just like I am as a 30 year coach.

My wife and I are undecided, although I'd like one in the future. Both 31. I think we'll end up with one in a couple years. Wife taught middle school for 10 years so that had a negative effect on her. Now that she's out and has so much more freedom to travel and take time off, we're doing that first.

I do know my dad desperately wants grandkids even though he says take our time/no rush. He's 67, youngest of 8 and everyone else has had grandkids forever. I think I'd feel awful if he doesn't get any.

Kids are a massive commitment that change your life. It took my wife and I a good long while to switch from being penny-pinching grad students to working professionals both making a nice living and being able to basically do whatever the hell we pleased whenever the hell we pleased to becoming parents.

Someone mentioned above that they view kids as a burden. That is actually true. Kids are a huge burden. But with huge burdens come huge benefits. Do I get to sleep in on Saturdays anymore? No. But that's because I'm up kicking the soccer ball around with a 4 year old who couldn't be happier to be doing that.

Long story short, it sounds like OP's kids are professionals and just haven't hit the "decision point." It isn't necessarily when your biological clock stops ticking -- more of when kids at a certain age means you'll be well along in years by the time they grow up.

My 10 month old has expressed no interest in having kids. Is it too early to start pushing that idea?

I have 9 kids. 10 if you count my GF's (which I basically do).

I already have 14 grandkids with 2 more on the way. 3 of the 10 don't have kids and I'd be perfectly happy with that...

The future of the planet doesn't currently look great, humanity as a whole doesn't seem to be moving forward, it's like Idiocracy come to life. Is this really a world you want to bring more people into?

Totally fine choice to make.

(mid 20's is still pretty early for women to commit to that...I have found around 30(ish) is when that changes if its going to).

For the dude...if you are in your mid-30s or so, married, and the no kid decision has been made...yeah....that's probably it for that.

I have no clue if either of my kids will ever have any of their own, but they are only 22 and 19 right now so who knows. My older brother has 4 kids (16, 16 (twins), 13, and 3)) that last one was on purpose shockingly, but that is pretty much like having a grandkid around the way I see it. I don't envy him when the kid is 10 and he is 55 and trying to do baseball or scouts or whatever and just trying to keep up.

I was 25 when my oldest was born and was always one of the younger dads by a few years at kid activities, but I'm still south of 50 and don't have to deal with that stuff anymore and can look forward to middle age "unburdened" unless there are any surprise grandkids.

My best friend is about to turn 40 and his kids are 3 and 1, we've discussed whether it was better to have kids when you are younger like I did or older like he did. It's a wash in a way, I struggled financially a bit more with the younguns because I wasn't making career money yet, but have more freedom now that am making that money. He didn't have the kid burden when he was growing in his career, but now has money and no time to spend it.

I guess I will have time and money to spend on grandkids if they come along and potentially the energy to keep up with them whereas he will have time and money for grandkids, but will be pushing retirement before that is even likely to occur.

I'm 51, and my wife and I wanted kids, but put it off for work and financial reasons. Then, when we were ready, it didn't happen. And we're okay with that. Life without kids is completely fulfilling. We have nieces, nephews and friends' kids around us to spoil (and send home).

Tree Hugger said:

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I have no clue if either of my kids will ever have any of their own, but they are only 22 and 19 right now so who knows. My older brother has 4 kids (16, 16 (twins), 13, and 3)) that last one was on purpose shockingly, but that is pretty much like having a grandkid around the way I see it. I don't envy him when the kid is 10 and he is 55 and trying to do baseball or scouts or whatever and just trying to keep up.

I was 25 when my oldest was born and was always one of the younger dads by a few years at kid activities, but I'm still south of 50 and don't have to deal with that stuff anymore and can look forward to middle age "unburdened" unless there are any surprise grandkids.

My best friend is about to turn 40 and his kids are 3 and 1, we've discussed whether it was better to have kids when you are younger like I did or older like he did. It's a wash in a way, I struggled financially a bit more with the younguns because I wasn't making career money yet, but have more freedom now that am making that money. He didn't have the kid burden when he was growing in his career, but now has money and no time to spend it.

I guess I will have time and money to spend on grandkids if they come along and potentially the energy to keep up with them whereas he will have time and money for grandkids, but will be pushing retirement before that is even likely to occur.

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Your friend got to live and enjoy his 20s and 30s.

It depends on the point of view though and I see it both ways, he was doing nothing but work and not too much fulfilling aside from that from what he has said. He has expressed a bit of jealousy in recent years because of my ability to take nice vacations abroad (before all this virus crap) while he really can't because of the young kids.

He "could" probably have done that when he was a little younger, he just didn't have the means. It's all about choices though, if I look back at my income when I was his age and if I didn't have kids, I probably could have made it happen.

Having kids isn't everyone's cup of tea and probably best avoided unless you're 100% committed to the cause. I'm very thankful I have two other siblings to carry the mantle for me and raise the babes so the heat is off me. If I were an only child and made this choice, my parents would never let me hear the end of it

when your anchor truly holds, slipknot.

LupinusTexensis said:

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Having kids isn't everyone's cup of tea and probably best avoided unless you're 100% committed to the cause. I'm very thankful I have two other siblings to carry the mantle for me and raise the babes so the heat is off me. If I were an only child and made this choice, my parents would never let me hear the end of it

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Yea. Although there is only one boy in my situation and not sure I can trust him to carry on the family name. We will see if he matures next year in kindergarten.

I have four adult sons. Two will probably never have kids - two probably will. None are married yet.

My brothers and sisters thin I'm nuts for not pressuring them to have kids but I think they're nuts for pressuring their kids to do things they may not want to do.

These threads do always remind me of this.

My daughter has stated to us since she learned about the birds and the bees that she has no desire to have kids. Her junior year in high school she said, "if I decide to have kids, I'll adopt a kid from Mexico or Guatemala."

It's her decision. Does it make me sad? Yeah because I would love to be a grandma. However, I have nephews and nieces that have kids and I'll just be a grandma to them.

Wooahhhh said:

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Just thought I'd ask how prevalent this issue is with us olds. I have 3 adult children, oldest is married and doesn't want kids. I'm playing it cool, but damn.

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No need to worry, accidents happen!

You'll get that grandkid you want.

Wooahhhh said:

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Just thought I'd ask how prevalent this issue is with us olds. I have 3 adult children, oldest is married and doesn't want kids. I'm playing it cool, but damn.

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Is he/she a gay?

I've seen cases where where parents and their adult kids don't get along, and the adult kids withhold the grand kids Home Alone-style (the old neighbor man). That looks more painful than not having grandkids at all.

Woohaaa,
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Hey there fish buddy! Can't convince either of my boys to get married and supply grandkids even though both have long term girlfriends.



M and I would so love to have grandkids but I guess it is not our choice.

I feel your pain. Probably not as much pain as showing you where the horse bit me, but still painful.

MonkeyKnifeFighter said:

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I'm on the other end. Late 30s, don't want kids, and have known that pretty much forever.

It causes massive family drama.

"We just want you to be happy!" No. They want me to be their idea of what they think should make me happy. It wouldn't.

My brother is more low-key upset about it, and pretty much every time I'm home it's the sales pitch of how great they are. Meanwhile from the outside I have a very clear view of how his 3 have pretty much tossed his marriage through a threshing machine and evaporated almost every bit of personality and joy that he used to have. They're objectively great kids... and they still do that.

I'm not as good of a man as my brother is, and if he's hanging by a thread then I would have been off the cliff far earlier.

In private my dad's given me the knowing nod, saying he gets it, and that I'm doing the right thing. Which is a hilarious double-condemnation about a) having me as a kid, and/or b) that he foresees how much of a disaster it would be if I did.

I'm waiting for Mom to go nuclear enough to where I drop the a-bomb of "well I got snipped X years ago, so tough luck", but I've never come close to playing that card. It may break her.

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It sounds like you made the right choice and you would have been a ****ty parent, but in case your feelings ever change I know a dude on the wrong side of 50 and on his second family that got a reversal and is going to be a dad again. He's a ****ty dad too, but there are no rules that stop people like that from reproducing.

Some of you olds need to look around. Being a young adult in your 20's is NOT the same as it was 20 years ago, let alone 30-40 years ago. It's expensive and being a parent comes with this bizarre new level of investment our parents never thought twice about. Perfect multiple photo shoots a year, Pinterest theme birthday parties, must do education targets like fancy preschools and dual language elementary. It looks exhausting. I'm approaching 40 and having kid is complicated (would require $100k+ surrogate). I think I'm too old, can't imagine being 60+ when kid graduated high school. No thanks.

If your kids are in 20's and not bringing around significant others don't look past possibility they're in closet and open the door to that to help them come out.

I don't have a uterus anymore but I would be happy to play hide the sausage with some of you fine looking gents under the ruse that you're trying to get me pregnant to appease the family. I am very kind in that way.

I'm 41 and divorced with no kids. There were a few years in my late 20s/early 30s that I really wanted to get married and have kids. Those feelings are gone and I'm now at an age that would make it difficult anyway. I'm pretty much 100% against it now. I would consider getting married again, but he would have to have no kids or have older (like adult - or close to it) kids. I like my freedom.

I see my friends with their kids and I know that they have a kind of happiness that I will never experience. At the same time, I have a kind of freedom they will never experience. There are trade-offs to every big decision in life.