I randomly download 10 new songs from my library every time I run. Yesterday, "The Living Years" showed up on my playlist. As some of you know, it deals with the singers loss of his Father and his regrets of not being closer. Kind of a "Cats in the Cradle" message.

So, my Dad passed a little while ago and I'm at that stage where I'm thinking I want to call him about something (usually aviation or Family history or advice) but then I realize he's not available right now. And it's still a bit of a gut punch.

This song hit home pretty hard. But it made me realize how fortunate I was to have kept the communication open and took the time to call and fly up to DC to visit frequently. How important it was for me to help take care of him as he was slowly fading away.

My obvious message for my Friends is to keep those lines open, to visit and to call. Heal up any wounds. Forgive everything. It's not just for your loved one; it's an investment in yourself: No regrets. Only heart felt smiles, love, appreciation and memories. Make the going up worth the coming down...

Anybody else that has gone through this have any insight? It does help me to talk about this stuff.

Peace.

Next month will be 7 years since I lost my dad. That's crazy to see typed out because sometimes it still feels like yesterday. Talking about it is very good and cathartic. I am blessed to have siblings that I am extremely close with, and we to this day call each other to talk about how we miss him.

A word of advice, if you have any voicemails from him back them up now. My phone with the voicemail he left me the night before he died (god I wish I had picked up) was stolen a few months later. Was a supreme gut punch.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Great song OP. Sorry for ya'll's loss.

Here's some of the lyrics:

Quote:

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Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be okay


So say it loud, say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
Because it's too late, it's too late (it's too late) when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye


I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

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I thankfully have not lost parents, but I was very close to my grandparents. I love my grandma 11 years ago and my grandpa 3 years ago, and not one day passes that I do not think of them. As I've gotten older my hobbies have come
in line with theirs and I wish I could call them and ask them questions.

Very sorry for your loss Southlake. Glad that you had a relationship with him for the entirety of his life.

Really sorry for your loss. My father died a year ago. Every day something occurs where I want to pick up the phone and call him. To share some news, a joke, a story, something. I saved every voicemail I had on my phone from him. I wish they were longer.

He and I were fortunate. We were both way beyond the younger years where there is that father and son struggle. I held him as he passed. There was nothing left unsaid or undone. We were good. Good as things could be. No regrets other than wishing we had taken more time.

The memories get better. Little details you have long forgotten will re-emerge. They become more rich and more meaningful.

My dad passed a little less than two years ago. We had a very good relationship and as I get older I say and do some things that he might've done. He had Alzheimer's and his last two years, were the worst. There were some things I wished I had said, and lots of things I never should've said. He seemed to understand that, and we both, accepted that. I lost a 23 year old son nearly 13 years ago. I'm not sure anything can compare to that. Hang in there, things will get better. Enjoy the good memories. I turned 60 last December, my youngest son got married to the most beautiful girl you could ever imagine. They are doing great, Even though I've literally got the best job ever, I'll retire in a year or so. By then Grandchildren, should be a thing. Remember the good times of the past, and look forward to the future. That's is all we can do.

I lost my dad about 2 years ago. He was 96, and was my best friend until the day he died. He taught me how to hunt, fish, drink good scotch, hold a door open for lady, throw a curveball, ride a horse, mend barbed wire fences, drive a standard transmission vehicle, bet the ponies, and god only knows what else. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him and miss him, and when I'm working on some kind of project I often ask myself, "how would pops do it?".

I'm glad that you had that type of relationship with your dad as well, Southlake. Some days are harder than others, but the great memories will never fade away.

Lost my dad 14 years ago almost exactly. Still hurts. I still want to call him when I have done something that would make him proud. I wish he could meet my husband. They would have loved each other. Mostly I wish he could meet my girls. My youngest has his spirit. It never stops hurting but you learn to accept reality and what helps me the most is that some people had non existent or ****ty dads. I'm grateful to have someone to miss.

OP, Sorry for your loss. This August will mark 22 years since I lost my '56 Dad. He was 68 at the time. He was a Korean War veteran and a double amputee due to diabetes.

He was staying at one of my sisters at the time. One evening, he told my sister that he wasn't feeling well and he went to bed earlier than normal. The next morning, my sister made coffee and when she didn't hear him stirring when the coffee was brewing, she went and checked on him. He had passed away peacefully during the night.

Over the years, especially when I was in the Army, there have been many times I have wished I could call him up and ask him questions or just talk to him about his beloved Texas Aggie football or hunting and fishing, or go visit him.

I still miss him terribly, but I know he is in a better place. I still talk to him whenever I have something that is really troubling me. I try not to dwell on his passing and I try to focus on all the great memories I have of him.

For those of y'all who's fathers are still alive, don't take them for granted. You can lose them in a heartbeat. I know that not everyone has the great memories of their fathers that I have; but, as long as they are alive, it's Not too late to try and make some good memories

Southlake said:

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Peace.

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That song came out the same year as my dad passed away. To this day I always think of him whenever I hear this song. At first it was painful to hear it, but it somewhat quickly turned into a song that gave me comfort whenever I listened to it. Music can be great that way.

Sorry for your loss OP. Lost my dad unexpectedly 6 years ago last month. I always focus on the 30 incredible years I was blessed to have with him. I still get urges to call or text him sometimes. It last for a half a second until reality hits but I always smile.

Lost my dad 2 years ago. He was a huge college football fan and I miss those Sunday phone calls to talk about my Aggies or his Irish.

Southlake sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family!!
Lost my dad 17 days ago. I don't think it has really sunk in yet. More focused on getting my mom through this. And don't lose a loved one during a pandemic. We get to go through the process twice as service and burial are probably months away due to the back log of funerals and burials that need to occur. Went to check on mom last night and still look in his room expecting to see dad in his chair. He wasn't an Aggie but he loved to watch them and visit with his 3 Aggie sons and their families about the games. Just taking a day at a time right now.

Southlake said:

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So, my Dad passed a little while ago and I'm at that stage where I'm thinking I want to call him about something (usually aviation or Family history or advice) but then I realize he's not available right now. And it's still a bit of a gut punch.

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My dad died in February and I know exactly where you are. I still have those moments where I see something he'd like and want to text it to him but it's far less now.

Now I'm in the stage where there are days I don't think about him and then I'll realize some days have passed not thinking about him and it bothers me. My parents don't live in the same state as me and my mom is moving to be by us and was visiting to buy a townhouse last weekend. I had a realization that I had a day spending most of the day with my mom when I didn't think of my dad. It's weird. It's part of the process but I also feel guilty like he's being forgotten or I'm not properly remembering him.

Last week I was watching a show on Netflix and randomly they played my dad's favorite song which while not obscure is almost 50 years old and rarely ever heard anymore. I was like that's weird. While playing that song the main character got a phone call that his dad died.

That made the dam break. I think I was holding a lot in trying to be strong for my mom and my kids. So there I was a 40 something year old dude in my living room crying like a baby almost three months after he died.

My point to this is that it sucks, continues to suck,
does get better but there are times like you mentioned that hit you like a brick in the face and I think that's ok. It's hard to lose your dad no matter your age.

I'm 34; lost my dad 26 years ago. **** sucks bro. You eventually get numb to it. Still gets to me every once in a while.

I'm really sorry for all of your losses. That song hits me too but for different reasons. I wish I had the relationship many of you have with your parents but I don't. Our relationship was one way for many years and I had to put boundaries in order to get certain parts of my life back. I wish I had a great relationship with my parents but they are who they are and there is nothing I can do to change that. I love them but I cannot set them up for failure by being who I wish they were.

My dad (Pleasanton Class of '63, A&M Class of '90) passed away this past summer. It doesn't exactly get less painful, but as time goes, the good memories (and I'm fortunate enough to have a ton to draw upon) make it easier to cope.

Life goes on, for better or worse. Cherish the good memories, let them live within you, yet keep driving on. If your old man was anything like mine, that's just how he'd want it to be. God bless.

Sorry about that OP. I nearly lost mine last week to a single car accident that he would've walked away from just fine, except a few years ago he decided he didn't want to deal with seat belts anymore. Instead he has numerous broken bones and a month or two of rehab.

Quote:

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A word of advice, if you have any voicemails from him back them up now. My phone with the voicemail he left me the night before he died (god I wish I had picked up) was stolen a few months later. Was a supreme gut punch.

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Do you know how to do this on an iphone?

I have a voicemail from my grandma still (she passed almost 5 years ago), and it's managed to stay on my phone through an upgrade.. so I guess it's backed up somehow. But would be nice to get an actual audio file that I can save in dropbox.

My dad passed away 7 years ago last month when I was 23. It came out of nowhere. Im not going to lie it sucks which is the obvious. I felt mad, sad, numb for quite some time. I didn't turn to heavy drinking because I didn't want to. The first round of holidays and birthday sucks because you notice he's not there and he should be. I thought about him every day for months and cried at least once a week for months. The day he passed is definitely a day I won't forget and I still remember today.

In the early stages everyone would tell me to think about the good times about him but it was hard since his death felt like a dark cloud that was over me for some time. I thought about him a lot. Any reference to movies or music or something I would see that he would do or like I immediately thought of him which got me sad.

I kept myself busy as I was working and going to grad school but there were still those moments. As time goes on I got better and started feeling like myself again. With some time those good memories of him reappear. If I hear or see something that reminds me of him a smile or a chuckle will come out of me. I can talk about him more freely and remember the person he was.

I still have those moments when thinking of him where I get sad but not as much. Christmas season for me is better but can get a little sad sometimes. My dad loved the Christmas season and songs (the classic ones). When I hear a classic Xmas song like a Sinatra, Bing Crosby, or Nat King Cole I get a little sad because it reminds me of him. At the same time I can get a smile when I hear those songs.

In the early stages I felt like I could not talk about my feelings to my friends because they didn't know what I was going through and it's not their fault as they have not been in that situation. It helped that I was close to my family. I could talk to my cousin about my dad and that was therapeutic for me.

There is a light after all the darkness you may feel now. Please continue use the forum if helps you.

62strat said:

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Quote:

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A word of advice, if you have any voicemails from him back them up now. My phone with the voicemail he left me the night before he died (god I wish I had picked up) was stolen a few months later. Was a supreme gut punch.

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Do you know how to do this on an iphone?

I have a voicemail from my grandma still (she passed almost 5 years ago), and it's managed to stay on my phone through an upgrade.. so I guess it's backed up somehow. But would be nice to get an actual audio file that I can save in dropbox.

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When you click on the VM there's the box with the up arrow near the top right of the message by the info (I with a circle around it) button. Press that box with the arrow and you'll have multiple choice on what to do with it. I saved mine to voice recordings.

62strat said:

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Quote:

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A word of advice, if you have any voicemails from him back them up now. My phone with the voicemail he left me the night before he died (god I wish I had picked up) was stolen a few months later. Was a supreme gut punch.

---

Do you know how to do this on an iphone?

I have a voicemail from my grandma still (she passed almost 5 years ago), and it's managed to stay on my phone through an upgrade.. so I guess it's backed up somehow. But would be nice to get an actual audio file that I can save in dropbox.

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The happy ending to the story is that I was able to purchase a program that pulled the voicemail off an old backup of my iPhone on the computer. I'll have to look and see what it was.

Wow. I can't tell you how much these responses have helped me.

Damn Aggies...

My grandfather died in 1988, when I was 11. He and my dad had a strained relationship. Not terrible, but definitely not the best. Dad got a 45 of Living Years and played it over and over and over and over and over.

I hate that effing song.

Sorry for your loss.

My father passed just after I had turned fourteen. It was a real struggle through my teenage years not having him around, although it did force me to become much more responsible much sooner. Today it's really heartwarming to see a father and son enjoy time with each other, but it can still be an emotional gut punch even as an adult.

From the other side... My father is still alive at 85. I have not spoken to him in 20+ years, as he is a total *******. When he passes, I will not go to the funeral/

Southlake said:

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Wow. I can't tell you how much these responses have helped me.

Damn Aggies...

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Good to hear this forum has helped you out.

I feel like our responses at least mine gives only a glimpse of what I felt. Don't feel like that's all I felt or dealt with. There's so much more and would take pages if we could explain what we went through when dealing with a passing of a parent. The reason I say that because so many things/ feelings are going to happen to you and I don't want you to think you are going through it alone. It sure is a process.

I was never close to my dad. I was raised by my grandparents. No animosity, just never had the father-son relationship. To me, he was like a distant cousin. My grandfather was my father-figure. But, one day, I thought it would be nice for us to go to an Aggie game together. He was class of '66 and never went back to visit. He was so excited, for weeks, he went all over town bragging that his son was taking him to a game. It was the Ball St., grand opening of Kyle Field game. We had a great time talking about life and how things ended up. 6 weeks later, he was gone! I'm so glad we got to do that. Sorry for your loss!

Next month will be 12 years since my dad died (lung cancer).

I still dream about him. Waking up from those dreams sucks; it's like losing him all over again.

my dad is a lunatic prescription and just a general drug addict. His brain is mush. You were lucky to have a good dad. Some of us didn't have a mom or dad worth a damn.

My Dad died 23 years ago. He and I had a strained relationship that began to heal when he stopped drinking. He died 5 years after he became sober and within a month of his cancer diagnosis. We never really finished reconciling completely although we were on much better terms. Because of the speed of his disease I missed opportunities to really fill in the gaps between us and I have always regretted not being more assertive about reconciling completely with him.

I find as the years pass and I put more road behind me that I understand him more. Though he has been gone that long, it's been easier to forgive him and feel empathy for what he was dealing with at the time.

I encourage all of you to take steps to reconcile even if you are the victim or the sinned against. You will never regret trying. You will regret not trying.

For those of you who have had good relationships with a parent all the way to the end of their lives, take comfort in knowing that you have something that many, many people don't have. It is a real treasure.