What time did the man go to the dentist?
Tooth hurty.
Tooth hurty.
Post your dad jokes here
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Last: 3 yr ago by tamu80
What do you call a large pile of cats?
A meow-tain.
A meow-tain.
A three legged dog limped into a saloon......looked around, and said in deep voice....
I'm looking for the man that shot my paw.
I'm looking for the man that shot my paw.
Bobby Petrino`s Neckbrace
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Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
A baby seal walks into a club...
(yeah, I was a terrible Dad)
(yeah, I was a terrible Dad)
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Elephino
Elephino
A horse walks in to a bar.
Bartender asks it, "Why the long face?"
Bartender asks it, "Why the long face?"
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillow?
It's making headlines!
It's making headlines!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired!
It was two tired!
From Twitter:
I just Dad joked an old man. Walking into the grocery store an elderly Gentleman offered me his empty shopping cart. So before accepting it, I asked,
"Did you leave any gas in it?"
His reply
"Quarter tank."
Boom.
I just Dad joked an old man. Walking into the grocery store an elderly Gentleman offered me his empty shopping cart. So before accepting it, I asked,
"Did you leave any gas in it?"
His reply
"Quarter tank."
Boom.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?
Aye matey
Aye matey
What's Forrest Gump's password?
1forrest1
1forrest1
I hope I don't go senile and forget this. My 80th birthday party will be pirate themed just so I can make this joke over and over and over again to my gender ambiguous grandkids while they play on their holodevices.CDub06 said:
What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?
Aye matey
My granddad was an old, senile pirate. I asked him to recite the alphabet, but he got lost at c.
Did you hear about the scarecrow who got a promotion?
He was outstanding in his field.
He was outstanding in his field.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But, it's still on the list.
What do you call karate for amputees?
Partial arts.
Partial arts.
What do beatles say when they go to the dentist?
Ah .... Ahhh.... Ahhhhh.. AHHHHHHH!
Ah .... Ahhh.... Ahhhhh.. AHHHHHHH!
What's the funniest kind of chicken?
A comedihen!
I've got a really great joke if anyone wants to hear it! Kind of long so not your typical dad joke, but the punch line couldn't be any more dad jokey.
A comedihen!
I've got a really great joke if anyone wants to hear it! Kind of long so not your typical dad joke, but the punch line couldn't be any more dad jokey.
I would suggest the facebook page "Bad Dad Jokes".
It pretty much makes my day.
It pretty much makes my day.
I can always spot a dogwood tree by it's bark.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
Camping is intense.
I gave all of my dead batteries away...free of charge.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
Camping is intense.
I gave all of my dead batteries away...free of charge.
Two blondes walk into a bar.
The brunette ducks.
The brunette ducks.
What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other?
Eileen
Eileen
What do you call an Asian woman with one leg longer than the other?
Irene
Irene
Biz Ag said:
What do you call an Asian woman with one leg longer than the other?
Irene
You can never run through a campground, only ran...it's "passed tense".
Did you hear about the heartbroken tractor salesman?
His wife wrote him a John Deere letter.
His wife wrote him a John Deere letter.
What do you call a midget psychic that escapes from prison?
A small medium at large.
A small medium at large.
I poured my root beer into a square glass. Now it's just beer.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup ?
Anyone can roast beef, but nobody can pea soup .
Anyone can roast beef, but nobody can pea soup .
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph. Too short to be an "essay."
A paragraph. Too short to be an "essay."
A bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like to order a jack and.......... coke"
The bartender looks at him and asks "what's with the pause?"
To which the bear holds up his hands and says "what these, I've had them all my life!"
The bartender looks at him and asks "what's with the pause?"
To which the bear holds up his hands and says "what these, I've had them all my life!"
Two pretzels were walking down the street...
One was assaulted.
Also, I ****ed your mother.
One was assaulted.
Also, I ****ed your mother.
How do you know all the ants in the farm are female?
Else it would be an ant and uncle farm
Else it would be an ant and uncle farm
Any electricians in the crowd? Heard of the 3rd current?
AC, DC, and poo C
Why does Santa have the most lush garden?
He's always ho, ho, ho-ing.
AC, DC, and poo C
Why does Santa have the most lush garden?
He's always ho, ho, ho-ing.
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