AC and Bonfire. I was living your life up until recently. Then I bought an online copy of "Married man sex life" by Athol Kay.

Athol does a great job of taking psychology, biology, evolution and emotions and applying them to the married man's sex life.

He first gets you to understand that like it or not, for the majority of us, the married sex life is your responsibility. He uses a lot of common sense and biology to explain why your wife is the way she is and why you have to be the one to initiate.

He also avoids blaming the wife and instead challenges the husband to make the changes necessary to ATTRACT your wife. Here's a hint - It's definitely not all about doing the dishes. It's about knowing what she needs and when she needs it.

I'll say that his description of the standard married relationship without sex was pretty much a spot on description of mine and how I was interacting with my wife. I was too "beta" (similar to your experiment) and it was actually killing my wife's urges.

All I can say is that in the 6 weeks since reading the book my relationship has gotten better. My wife doesn't know about the book and she's made a couple of comments along the lines of me being a better husband lately.

Will it work for you? Can't say for sure but so far it has done exactly what Athol has said would happen in my relationship.

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll check it out.

If I had a wife that put me through this much bs, I'd start banging her friends one at a time. If she still didn't get the picture, I'd start banging her friends two at a time and so on. There is no time or room for that bs.

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maybe she wants help with the kids, getting laundry done, house cleaning........the list goes on

when women became wage earners in a marriage, men should have been ready to help more with the trappings of marriage. If your marriage takes two salaries to keep everyone happy it takes two helpers to get crap done and make it run smoothly.

you kids still fail to see the connection between saying how women are the cause of a dwindling sex life and every single excused you have used can be traced back to the male!

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It's the fault of both. When sex isn't happening, it's because there is no communication. Blaming the man or the woman gets you no where.

However, sexual incompatibility WILL cause your relationship to fail. If one person wants it once a month and the other once or twice a day, then it's not going to work. Compromise is possible but only when the sexual appetites are closer in alignment.

I don't think some of you understand what I am talking about. We are talking about desire. Just b/c my wife doesn't initiate doesn't mean that I don't. We don't need counseling.

Couples just need to communicate better. For example at night when the man doesn't want to have sex, he should gently reach over and squeeze the wife's boob twice, and once if he wants to get it on. This easily communicates your needs to your partner.

Likewise, if the woman wants to engage in relations she should just reach over and give his crank a single tug. If she's not interested that night, she should give it about 50. Divorce averted.

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AC and Bonfire. I was living your life up until recently. Then I bought an online copy of "Married man sex life" by Athol Kay.

Athol does a great job of taking psychology, biology, evolution and emotions and applying them to the married man's sex life.

He first gets you to understand that like it or not, for the majority of us, the married sex life is your responsibility. He uses a lot of common sense and biology to explain why your wife is the way she is and why you have to be the one to initiate.

He also avoids blaming the wife and instead challenges the husband to make the changes necessary to ATTRACT your wife. Here's a hint - It's definitely not all about doing the dishes. It's about knowing what she needs and when she needs it.

I'll say that his description of the standard married relationship without sex was pretty much a spot on description of mine and how I was interacting with my wife. I was too "beta" (similar to your experiment) and it was actually killing my wife's urges.

All I can say is that in the 6 weeks since reading the book my relationship has gotten better. My wife doesn't know about the book and she's made a couple of comments along the lines of me being a better husband lately.

Will it work for you? Can't say for sure but so far it has done exactly what Athol has said would happen in my relationship.

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Yeah the beta male thing doesn't work at all. If you think about how you attracted your wife, it wasn't by being passive.

Just waiting for her to initiate doesn't work. She will initiate, but only after you drive her crazy with little touches here and there, kisses on her neck, etc. Once you find the things that drive your wife wild, you can use them.

Sex with my wife is now as good as it was when we first met and it's because of communication and me being more alpha in expressing my desires.

Everyone goes through dry spells, we hit a low of once every two months. It's now back up to multiple times a week.

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Couples just need to communicate better. For example at night when the man doesn't want to have sex, he should gently reach over and squeeze the wife's boob twice, and once if he wants to get it on. This easily communicates your needs to your partner.

Likewise, if the woman wants to engage in relations she should just reach over and give his crank a single tug. If she's not interested that night, she should give it about 50. Divorce averted.

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Awesome

Proph's inferring his wife is asexual if I'm not mistaken.

Rough stuff to deal with for sure if that's the case.

This problem can be boiled down to two absolute truths:
1: 99.9% of straight men can be engaged in any activity, and, if their SO walks in front of them naked, the man is immediately ready to have sex. Women know this, but they can't understand this. Therefore, deep in their hearts, they cannot truly accept this as fact.

2: Men are 100% convinced that women are turned on when you honk their boobs.

I'm a bigger fan of the hug from behind that then turns into a side boob shake with maraca sound effects

So if you guys were never turned down do you think that your desire would lessen? What if your wife said okay to sex every time you initiated? Does it seem more frustrating because you want what isn't freely given?

Serious questions for the not so serious general board...

Slap my hand and tell me no a few too many times and I'd rather go jerk it in the shower than put up with a moody beetch who's trying to hold the pooty poo hostage.

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It's all a 2 way street, but most of the time women hold the key...

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Not always.

[This message has been edited by coffeeisawesome (edited 4/2/2012 7:01p).]

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Not always.

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That's why I said:

...most of the time.

Of course there is the odd situation where a man is less interested in sechs than the woman. But by and large, women set the tone. It's the whole point of this thread...

I didn't expect this thread to turn serious

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I don't think some of you understand what I am talking about. We are talking about desire. Just b/c my wife doesn't initiate doesn't mean that I don't. We don't need counseling.

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Yeah, because a lack of desire can't possibly be emotional/psychological. You've already eliminated the physical/medical possibilities, right?

At the very least, this issue is obviously causing you distress. Try counseling/therapy. It's not expensive. You get to make the schedule. It might really, really help.