If I were to write, and I've had enough of BSC chicas from my summer waiting tables at TGI Fridays that I won't, I'd go with something like...

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Dear Celeste,

I am writing you because I would do you. I mean you look pretty cute and hopefully your coke use means that gut is gone.

I hope your time as a stripper means you know how to please a man. Set me up with a conjugal visit, and we can get each other off. Just don't b*tch about your life and your hardships and so on. You said that you believe that things happen for a reason. That's true. For example, you're locked up because of racketeering and cocaine delivery.


Looking forward to a horizontal dance,

Alpha Man

Succinct, while allowing for no possible misunderstanding.

I've noticed most of the chicks in this thread said they were "honest" but they've all been breaking the law to the point that they're incarcerated.

I detect internal inconsistency here...

Yeah. Hey Jerry, listen to this. I discovered something even better than conjugal visit sex. Fugitive sex!

Yea, and that one you are writing to claims 5'9'', when her mugshot board shows otherwise. Lying will get you nowhere.

BoB - be careful about that return address. And include a pic with your letter - it doesnt have to be yours but a pic will be harder for her to resist responding to.

maybe throw in a Monopoly game "get out of jail free" card, see if she has a sense of humor.

Damnit... I didn't think about a picture. I already sealed the envelope. And I used my work address.

Damnit... okay if she writes back I'll send a picture. Classic.

I'm so tempted to send a letter but I dont want them to have my home or work address. Maybe get a po box under a fake name? I'm thinking ron mexico

Come on. What harm could come from giving out your real name and address? They have been rehabilitated.

I'm tempted to write this one because I am certain she can do dazzling things with those lips. On the other hand, she's a f***ing killer!




[This message has been edited by Alpha Man (edited 12/19/2011 4:17p).]

and you might pull out a stump

I did it!! Dropped it in the mailbox at my biggest client's office on the way into accounting. Sweeeeet...

Here's the one someone needs to write...
http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/ladies/amy-11570.html

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/pittsburgh/s_753708.html

Did she wear this to meet her parole board?

Hmmm... Had to look this up to know. Exactly a month. Now we know the timing we can go on a full-on campaign.