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Sam from Sales" (Performed by John Hanson) (a high-pressure salesman, Samuel Poteet--Esquire--with humorous stories about his very large family of cousins; this was the original WBAP character; he is not featured at the 7 AM broadcast).

"Breakfast with Betty" (Performed by Eric Harley) (a sex-crazed wannabe chef who repeatedly hits on sportscaster Steve Lamb, encouraging him to divorce his wife – KXAS-TV reporter Deborah Ferguson – or, at the least, have an affair with her).

"Leif Raker" (Performed by Eric Harley) (a stand-up comedian/gardener featuring corny jokes).

"Mystic Chuck" (Performed by Eric Harley) (an alleged psychic who has "visions" but never answers the initial question as posed by Hal Jay; instead, Mystic Chuck gives an unrelated answer to a question, and then follows it with the question as the Punch line; the bit is a spoof of the Johnny Carson sketch Carnac the Magnificent).

"This Reporter" (Performed by Eric Harley) (a news reporter who always gets confused or terribly off subject; the name "This Reporter" spoofs the fact that reporters often refer to themselves in third person while reporing a news story).

"Shorty Lavender" (Performed by Eric Harley) (the adventures of a jockey from nearby Lone Star Park who proclaims himself the crew's "Four Feet of Fun Guy" and associates with a similarly named jockey, "Thigh High Johnson".

"Professor Lester T. Besterfester" (Performed by John Hanson) (a fictitious professor at Texas Christian University, Hal Jay's alma mater, is billed as the Chairman of the Speech Therapy department – despite his own slurred speech, specializing in "16th century grammar appreciation".

"Rusty Springs" (Performed by John Hanson) (an auto mechanic operating "Rusty Springs House of Pings", the alleged repair shop for WBAP's fleet, who creates nonsensical mechanical terms supposedly involved in auto repair – while charging outrageous prices).

"The Reverend Robert Jiltem" (Performed by John Hanson) (a parody of Robert Tilton, a televangelist promoting his latest scheme while claiming that the idea "won't cost much – no, only a tiny amount – simply send me your five, ten, fifteen, or twenty THOUSAND dollars" and offering a religious trinket in exchange).

"Doctor Ben Golfin" (Performed by John Hanson) (a fictitious medical doctor – the name is a parody of the stereotype that doctors are more interested in golf than patients)

"Chief Wilbur Wetfeather" (Performed by Eric Harley) (a Native American meteorologist, often apologizes for bad weather claiming that he accidentally performed a Native American dance which caused it, and warns the crew of what they believe to be bad weather – such as "Strong Wind", only to learn that Wilbur is warning them of one of his relatives).

"Pedro from Payroll" (Performed by Eric Harley) (a Hispanic character who purportedly works in WBAP's payroll department, but is portrayed as anti-stereotypical – for example, he opposed the Great American Boycott).

"Willie Landum" (Performed by John Hanson) (the self-proclaimed "Fishing Guide to the Stars" -- the name is a spoof of "will he land them?" -- who provides oddly-named, and sometimes sexually suggestive, fishing lure names; this character is featured exclusively on Fridays just prior to 7 AM so that the morning news crew may receive the "Weekend Fishing Report", though in recent periods does not appear every Friday as before).

"Akmed Dangerfield, the 'Wacky Iraqi'", (Performed by John Hanson) who generally provides updates on the goings on in Iraq, and will often have to change his report in midstream due to the subject being bombed out of existence (once, Akmed complained that the bombings destroyed his country's main industry, the Seven-Eleven Training Center); and

"Grit Sissle" (Performed by Eric Harley) (the "Great American Truck Driver", who does reports while on the road; he is known by his CB handle "Naner Puddin" and finishes every sentence with "come back?" and two short blasts of his air horn).

"Tug McCord" (a cowboy character who reports on "life on the range", which usually involves exotic foods not normally found in traditional cowboy cuisine)

"Captain Steve Lightning" (a fictitious pilot for American Airlines who, when he speaks, uses elongated "ahs", some of which get "stuck"

"Natural Howard", (Performed by Eric Harley) a spoof of local "Dirt Doctor" weekend gardening show host, Howard Garrett, who believes all gardening issues are best handled with "natural" solutions and cannot pronounce the word "herb" (Garrett, whose show was a weekend fixture on WBAP, later moved his program to rival station KSKY and is thus no longer featured).

"Ze Inspector", a spoof of Inspector Clouseau (Performed by John Hanson) who would insult the hosts regularly (his introductory line was "Greetings, you American swine"; no reason has been given for his departure.

"Dusty Plains", would "guest host" a segment called "Tales of the Old West with John Wayne". Hal Jay would introduce the bit and inform listeners that "John Wayne couldn't be with us this morning" and give an often humorous explanation for what the long-dead Wayne was busy with that day (example: "John Wayne couldn't be with us this morning. He's out skiing with [the then recently deceased] Michael Kennedy." He would then introduce "our guest host" Dusty Plains, who would spend the rest of the bit telling a story of the old west that took place "in the rootin' tootin' town of Dodge City." The story would usually involve Marshall Dillon, Miss Kitty, and other characters from the Gunsmoke series. The story would end with a violent confrontation between Marshall Dillon and another character, which would typically result in bloodshed and dozens, if not hundreds, of people laying dead "when the smoke cleared."

"Heywood Yousueme" - a spoof of an attorney (the name is a parody of "hey, would you sue me?" who would provide (bad) legal advice to listeners.

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