https://www.reddit.com/r/CFB/comments/w7pqa0/all_12_fbs_teams_from_texas_as_king_of_the_hill/
Made me laugh a little.
Made me laugh a little.
Quote:
King of the Hill is an iconic animated series set in Texas, so what better show could be used to represent the college football teams of the Lone Star State? Now, without further ado:
[ol]Baylor: Junie Harper. On the show, Junie is a religious fundamentalist who tries to stop the residents of Arlen from celebrating Halloween. Similarly, in 2011 Baylor channeled all of its buzzkill energy by threatening legal action in an attempt to stop Texas A&M from leaving for the SEC. Junie would also approve of Baylor's required chapel for first year students and strict no alcohol policy. Houston: Kahn Souphanousinphone. Just like Kahn is the new guy on the block, Houston is one of the newest members of the Big 12. And just as Kahn is often more capable than many of the regulars, Houston has a football program that's in better shape than many of the longtime Big 12 members. Plus, the city of Houston is home to many residents of southeast Asian descent like Kahn. North Texas: Luanne Platter. Luanne has had a lot of struggles in her life, just as the Mean Green struggled mightily over the course of the 2021 season during a six-game losing streak. But just as Luanne eventually found some success as a hair stylist and married Lucky, North Texas pulled together a five-game winning streak to close out the season and managed to make a bowl game, even if it was only the Frisco Football Classic. Rice: Bill Dauterive. Once upon a time, Bill was the Billdozer, the most fearsome football power in the state of Texas. Similarly, Rice used to be king of Texas football, winning 6 Southwest Conference titles between 1934 and 1957. But in both cases, their dominance was so long ago that now it's just depressing to think about how pathetic things have become. Still, it's not all bad news: just as Bill provides comic relief, the Marching Owl Band is known for its entertaining performances. SMU: Buck Strickland. Just as Mr. Strickland is a successful businessman, SMU has a healthy business culture, being located in the Dallas metro area. The football team also happens to be pretty good these days. However, just as Mr. Strickland is known for cheating on Miz Liz, SMU will always be most associated with its cheating scandal, resulting in the infamous Death Penalty being handed down in 1987. TCU: John Redcorn. Just as John Redcorn was lucky to be able to continually sleep with the hottest woman in Arlen on account of Dale's obliviousness, TCU was incredibly lucky to have had the best college coach in Texas for 20 seasons. But TCU ultimately fired Gary Patterson, just as John Redcorn eventually broke off his affair with Nancy. For both TCU and John Redcorn, only time will tell how they adjust to the new normal. Texas: Professor John Lerner. On the surface, Professor Lerner is a highly impressive individual. He's an erudite scholar of archaeology with a devoted young following, just as Texas is a top university with a high-ranking recruiting class. However, Professor Lerner is ultimately shown to be a pretentious, physically weak pushover and is repeatedly shoved into a pit, just as Texas was repeatedly humiliated on the gridiron during their 5-7 2021 season. Texas A&M: Cotton Hill. Just as Cotton is proud of killing fitty men, Texas A&M is incredibly proud of its military history and traditions. Cotton is one of the oldest characters on the show, while Texas A&M is the oldest public university in Texas. A&M also tends to lean conservative like Cotton. And just as Cotton's best days were before he lost his shins in the war, Texas A&M's only national championship title is from 1939. Texas State: Jeff Boomhauer. Like Boomhauer, Texas State head coach Jake Spavital has a peculiar last name. Spavital was also hired to his position at the tender age of 33, just like Boomhauer prefers his women on the younger side. And just as Boomhauer's speech pattern tends to confuse people, it's confusing how Spavital still has his job with a 9-27 record, or why he was given the job in the first place considering his previous lackluster OC stints. Texas Tech: Dale Gribble. Dale exudes chaotic energy, and similarly Tech fans are known for being a wild bunch. Dale throws pocket sand at his enemies, while Tech supporters enjoy throwing tortillas onto the field. Dale is the president of Arlen Gun Club, while Tech's hand sign is Guns Up. If I had to live in Lubbock, I'd also probably spend all of my time cooking up conspiracy theories. UTEP: Enrique. Enrique is one of the most prominent Hispanic characters on the show, while 86% of UTEP's student body is of Hispanic background. Enrique was also voiced by Danny Trejo, best known for playing Machete, which is a hand tool just like the pickaxe, the Miners' symbol. But ultimately, nobody will mention Enrique if you ask them to list King of the Hill characters, just as nobody will mention UTEP if you ask them to list FBS schools in Texas. UTSA: Hank Hill. UTSA is a humble program compared to the giants in Texas, just as Hank is a man of humble disposition. But dang it, they're getting the job done just like Hank. They're 19-6 in the past two seasons, including a very impressive 12-2 2021 campaign that culminated in a Conference USA championship. Hank would also be a huge fan of Jeff Traylor's 210 Triangle of Toughness, and would probably find a way to incorporate it into one of his lectures to Bobby. [/ol]
